Life as I know it

Life has a funny way of messing with me.

I had it all. I had the good life in front of my eyes and I wasted it away. I took it for grantid. I thought I was smarter than that, but I'm not.

Now I'm here. In this soulless and insensitive town. A town of fast paced movements and heartbreak. You can taste it in the air. You can feel it when you wake up. Constant gloomy weather (which im usually a huge fan of) and sappy songs play on the radio. This place makes it impossible for me to feel comofortable.

I miss what I had but I can't get it back. I can't get my job back. The one where I actually enjoyed and embraced attending it. I practically ran that place.

I miss my old school, where I had true friends. Don't get me wrong, I do actually cherish this school. I just miss the comfort of familiarity.

I miss Isabella. I miss Madi. There, I said it.

I've been going through a pretty rough time as far as emotions have it. Its not enough that I'm trying to cope with new surroundings. Life had to throw some temptation in my path.

It's terrible. She fogs my mind. I can't think. I can try to write how much I don't like her all I want, but I'd just be kidding myself.

She's not for me. She parties, drinks, and has slept with more guys than I even want to think about. Those aren't exactly the stable grounds to a relationship I look for in a woman. Yet, Im consistant in falling deeper for her. I'm wildly attracted to her. And although it's quite the cliche, I find her sence of freedom and rebellion arousing, and rather inviting.

Meanwhile, things with Isabella have kind of taken a dip. I still love her. It's a connection that can't be easily broken, not even by Madi. However, there seems to be something missing. A spark has yet to be ignited for over a month now. I really need to feel something between us, because I'm starting to lose touch. I don't feel giddy when I see her. I get lazy and would rather not talk to her on the phone. We can't find anything to do when we finally make the time to see each other. I don't know whats wrong. I spent a solid day trying to think of where this is heading and I can't figure it out. I have always pictured this woman in my future, but now were going through such harsh times, as it seems, and it's getting difficult.

I don't know what to do.

Ive never been one to complain. I dont admit defeat. I don't seek attention. I don't claim depression.

However, I think I may need some help.

For you see, the gloomy weather likes me, and right now, I am the saddest song you'll ever know.

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Comments
Ouch. Sounds like you've got alot of shit going on.
I've read your posts, and i'd hate to be in your situation right now...
But i have little advice.

Try and think which gal you are happier around. If at any point in time in life you can be selfish, this is it!
The one who makes you happiest and makes you feel most loved, go with her. For you heart shall never lie to you.

Good luck.

-bx
Am I okay... I don't even know how to answer that. How 'bout you... sounds like drama's taking over your life pretty easily.
thank you :] I feel if only a little bit better. I hope you figure things out. I know what it's like to be love (lust?) with someone so completely different, and then wanting to feel something for someone who is actually good for you, but not being able to. Completely and utterly frustrating.
[doll]
Hey, Sucker!!! =]]]
I'm pretty well, how have you been?
You know, I should probably read entries before I post comments. =] I'm not too bright on certain days.
Keep your head up, yeah? If you're too focused on how much your life sucks, you might loose sight of what's good. .. and then you'll never find your answer, and just end up loosing everything.
Trust me, I'm the queen of that particular mishap. =]

**E-HUGS*
Makes sense. =]

I'm annoyed because my boyfriend is being dumb. We were supposed to do something tonight, and I know that he wants to hang out with his friends because of the Super-bowl.[[ which is fine.]] However, he won't actually tell me this, and is just avoiding me. Which is really frustrating. He's be better off if he just told me. Plus, I'm at work which is frustrating in and of itself. =]]] lol
it's okay, i know you are worried about me lol ;) and yeah, good things do happen to me, but what's the point about writing about those haha...and yeah, i'm still liking him, but i'm doing alright also...so yeah. :)

how are you? i know this entry says a lot but has the situation gotten any better?
[leila]
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Entry List
days.
I've seen your sadness grow
the storm outside is brewing
the last time we had fun
dare.
I'll point you to the mirror
Easy to the slaughter
master
fuck the pain away
~
lovely
!
beautiful tragety
barking at clouds
the moments we live for
eeeeee
dreaming
fall into desire
story of my...
speakith truth
rebounder
sing for me
my backhand intentions
A poem
The last firstborn
Starless
It's not just you
Say no to drugs
Kiss me again
Our work of art
Let's hope
Forget it
New name
Escape
The struggle
Forever and a day
Uphill battle
Goodbye
Life as I know it
db
Pigskin
Lost boy
Letting go
Letter to Madi
Letter to Isabella
Mistake
How could you?
Tragic
Lowest low
dilemma
a moment
identity
52 post(s)