so i haven't been here in basically ages. so much has changed in my life. srsly. i was readin some of my old entries, and ew. LMFOA. well heres an update: School = rwr NOT PULASKI. Job = Kopps Boyfriend = Zaj yah, pulaski was lame. so i left it. long story. haha. well. hrm. i shall be back to write again! :] kthnx. bye

wow been a while since I have been here but yeah. im sooo uber happy. if only you knew... ...i love him.

oh em eff gee.. my last entry wasnt exactly short huh? lol. Ill try to keep this one much shorter haha. Well yesterday I played baseball with the guys at the park. Not enough people showed because they were at state fair but we did a home run derby. I said I would try but I doubt that i would hit a home run..i was hitting homeruns earlier when my step dad was teaching me how to bat, but i never practiced with fast balls. but i hit the ball many times which I was proud about, and they werent foul! hehe !! but i waas so hyper, and I was chasing Nathan for like 50 billion hours because he threw rocks at me and hit me in the face with my soda bottle lmfao. and i was so tired from running earlier I could barley chase him lmafao.. i finally got him back like 2 hours later or some crap lfmao it was just crazy .. then me lisa and amanda just randomly drop kicked the fence, and i was randomly doing ollies out of know where, and eating joeys funyun rings because he drank my lemonade lmfao. and effin stole my ball that dip face. lol. anyways. yea thats all for now folks! =P

Oh wow, its been a while since i have written in this diary lol. well well well.. hrmm.. to answer katies question [in the comments] i dont use a program really.. i just type out my codes in notepad then paste it into geocities, and TADA! LOL yeah.. nothign special really.. for andrea [check the comments].. my friends list is hidden HAHA..u have to click the friends link at the top of the page.. well nothing really to say here.. just in Madison at the college program most of you know of.. yesh...well hrmm? i should really go...my guys are performing at the talent show tonight. they are doing Teen Spirit by Nirvana..they are gonna rock the house.. they play guitar and drums..awsume huh? well tk*

New diary here! the name is fallenelement ((its on my friends list)) and sorry if i didnt add you to my friends list yet on my new diary.. youll get on there eventually LOL..just leave a comment if i didnt add you and Ill add you then kay? It just gets so confuzzling when you forget who you have already added, and who you need to add!! haha and I have a new website too.. even though I love all my ajadeoriginal stuff.. i needed a change so check out my new website Happydots.tk

i dont get this, at all. why is it when i am finally happy and with someone everyone wants to tell me how they like me? i just dont get it sometimes. i mean, guys that i used to like a lot are just now telling me how they feel about me. [double you tee eff] when im lonley no one wants me, but when im not lonely everyone wants me. well thats how it seems. well heres the thing. this boy that i was strung up over last year, but i got over, started talkin to me again. now hes all like "i like you and blah blah". but hes just too late now, and hes not getting it. i have a boyfriend now, that i happen to love very much and i wouldnt let anything get inbetween us. he tells me we would be together forever, and i believe him when he says it. im finally happy, and this guy thinks he can come in and mess that up? and its not just him. its alot of my guy friends. well i thought they were friends.. if they really were "my friends" they would just be happy for me right? and not say that "i need to be wiht them or they wont talk to me anymore" or that "i would be happier with them" and all this. some of my best friends im loosing. i hate this. I always said that i would put my friends before my boyfriend, coz "friends are forever" but they.. they just arent coming first now. they put me in a situation that i didnt want to be in, and they shouldnt have done that. all i want is my friends back, but i dont think they are ever coming back because i have a boyfriend now, and its not them. they were too little too late. theyre tellnig me things now that i wanted to hear a year ago. i moved on with them as my friends. some of the bestest friends i ever had. but now they cant seem to even look at me. i lost my life when i got this new one.

When my world turns upside down walking on the ceiling no where else to go kind of crazyness I realize that I am just a Fallen Element ahah.. dont ask what thats about.. just something that poped in to my head.. randomly just pulled it out my pocket. i know it dont make much sense lol.

I had a good weekend.. Friday.. Jessica, Justin, Lisa, and I went to the movies.. we say the Longest Yard.. It was funny!! Me lisa and Jessica were just hangin at my house before the movie and me and lisa needed to see if Darren could come over tommarrow. so we call his cell and he doenst answer.. and he always answers.. so lisa just screams "you friggin crack whore" and hangs up lol.. then there are like 15 more messages like that from her lol.. then the last message we left she said the same thing, then Jessica (who never met or talked to darren before) says to his answering machine "biatch" lmfao it was funny. then after the movie they come back to my house and after everyone leaves i get a call from darren.. and its like 1030 right now.. and we were talking and out of no where he walks past my house with is cousins.. and he doesnt see me sitting outside but i can see him.. and i dont say nuttin and he said "is that you on the computer" and i say "no freak i am the one sittin on the porch lookin at you" lmfao.. It was funny. had to be there. Saterday.. I had to babysit *unfortunatley* so Lisa brings all the guys from the park to me! lmfao So I am skateboardin and just chillin outstide of my house while i babysit. That was fun. But cuz of Ricci, Darren taught the little kids next door some new words that they shouldnt be sayin lol. Then when Darren was about to leave *he had to get his girlfriend i think* he was like can i get hug.. so he grabs me and tries to put me in his trunk lmfao.. he said i have to come live down there so hes kidnappin me so i can come down to the school more often lol. Sunday.. I talked to Darren on the phone and he said I should come up to the park.. but i couldnt cuz my mom didnt want me to walk there.. she didnt want me to take the bus there.. and she didnt want him to pick me up.. and she didnt want to drive me. So unless I could fly..there was no way i was gettin up to the school there. lol.. so we just talked on the phone. Then Lisa came over and we were up all night it was crazyness. Then at around 11pm Darren calls me up and says that i HAVE to come to the park tommarrow at noon..so i was like ok.. and i didnt tel him but i guess he knew lisa was there. then he said "oh and you girls dont be shy with the video camera" i was like WTF? howd he know she was here lmfao.. so me and lisa video taped up just doing something stupid with my dog just for him lmfao. hten i told him id call him back in like 5 minutes and i never called him back lfmao..bad me.. but w.e Monday... then today me and lisa were playin sims 2 and he ma said shes coming to get her at 130. So we get all ready and are waitin for her ma. its 230 and we finally got ahold of her and her mom says "sorry forgot" lfmao. SO i leave with her to her house and i go to the park. Then I call Darren up cuz he all wanted me to come and hes not even friggin there lmfao. it was just Cool Mike, Basbeball Mike, Fat Darren, EJ, Eddie, Zeus, Zeus's brother, Ricci, Cool Ricky, Lisa, Carlee, Jimmy, Nate, Kyle, Keith, ho brittany (but she came nad left right away), the twins, and this one grl who i forgot her name so i call her liza lol... well we were all there waiting for Darren to come. SO i called him up and he says that hes in beliot and hes on his way now. He pulls up with his Girlfriend in the car and her three little kids. and everyone was lookin like..crap shes here lmfao. She was grouchy as ever today. cuz she doesnt like me or lisa cuz we are Darrens "park girlfriends" or something like that. But we are just good friends with him.. and she doesnt like that. So she was crabby than ever. Plus she doesnt like any of his friends, but she doesnt like us more cuz we are girls.. so it was interesting cuz i wasnt gonna stop bein me and just goofin off with everyone cuz shes there. but Darren kept coming by me and she was givin me the dirtiest looks lmfao. I asked him how come hes not by his girlfriend and he said "shes yellin at me about everything like its my fault. I dont want to be around her when shes yellin at me.." haha and she seriously was yellin at him about EVERYTHING. like shes mad at him because he doesnt own an automatic car for her. and how she spent like 700 dollars on some new clothes on her crdit card and now has a big bill. now how is that his fault? I dono.. but he was just talkin to me about all that, and it was just ridiculous how bojus she is to him.. and she was just givin me looks. I was sittin on my rock (lol yesh i have a rock) and then darren came and sat on the rock right by mine and she muttered something and came over and just like pushed her way in like some how its my fault he sat by me. so yeah.. she doenst like me lol.. but me and him are just good friends.. thats all. but anyways.. Darren finally showed up and he came over by me and lisa and ricci and out of no where his gf just started to snap about i dont even know what.. and darren was even like "wth is she snappin about?" then he left and went over to play baseball. and i went over by nate, mike, keith and jimmy.. i didnt know jimmy yet though.. i wanted to meet him thats why i went over lol. and they aked me how old i was and i was about to tell them, and Darren was like"i am going to be pissed if you tell them.. it took like 6 weeks for you finally tell me" so i didnt tell them lol, i had them guess.. they were saying "ur 17 right?" and i was just laughin. and then Darren was like "shes 19 and in the 9th grade" and jimmy and nate are like "really" lol and Mike, ive known him since i was 4 is just sittin there laughin about how far off htey were lol. that was funny right there. Then kyle came out of no where and just sat down and it looked like he was sleeping so cool darren (not Darren, COOL DARREN.. there are 2 darrens lol) whiped a tennis ball at his face! kyle just shakes his head and does nothing. Then keith comes out of no where with his salad and pushes me and i pushed him back and then he said out of no where "how old are you" lol and lisa says "shes 17 and shes in the 9th grade" and keith like spits out his salad and thinks she serious lol. and out of know where he says "i bet you dont know how old i am" and i said, "i know how old you are".. hes 20, and he thought i didnt know. lol. then i got that right , so he was askin me for lisas age and stuff, and i got that right, then he asked me for Darrens age and bday and i got that right and they just stop and look at me and say "stalker" lol.. cuz they have known darren for a longer time than me, and they didnt even know his birthday and i did lol. I was rollin.. its one of those you had to be there kidn of things. well a whole lot more things happend at hte park today.. just cant type out all of it.. but htey all noticed my hair cut *oh yesh* and Zeus said it was tight. lol. well yeah.. that was my fun weekend there.. well parts of it at least.. so much happens at the park that I dont have enough time or patience to tell you guys about it lol.

FYI::Motorola v170 Well here I am once again alone. I always find myself alone at home. Everyone that I live with seem to not have time for me anymore. They come home late, they leave to do things without me, and every once in a while I will get a day with them. I dont mind being alone or anything, but my mom doesnt even let me go out with friends whild shes gone usually so then I am stuck bored. She doesnt like me hanging out at places thats not familiar to her...so.. i am bored stiff.. stuck here... yay... but shes not here so I leave anyways. She never knows anyways. BTW emily, Chicken boy -remember him?- works at walmart on 72nd. hes the cart boy lol

ok all you guys who remember me with long hair are gonna hate me for this cuz i said i was gonna grow it back out.. but i dont care!! lol.. MY SPIKES ARE BACK!!! heck yes they are.. I went to Michelle today and she cutmy hair and I decided to change it up again.. and i got my spikes back. oh yes I LOVE MY SPIKES!! and the fact that i dont look like everyone else is a plus.. i was never one for blending in with the crowd.. unless the crowd is full of people who look...well.. like freaks. then ill fit right in lmfao. well i am not so freaky lookin.. i am weird looking but not.. inbetween lol. well i gotta go..lisa is bring all the guys from the park to my friggin house! I dont know why.. but i have to find a way to keep them out cuz guys in the house with my parents gone while babysittin.. NOT THE BEST IDEA. lfmao.. im still a good girl at heart < 3

I can't believe it but I leave in 23 days for 3 weeks and i will be all by mylself with strangers in a different part of the state unfamiliar to me. freaking out? .. urm.. maybe lol. I want to go no doubt about that. This is the best opportunity ever for my future, but for three weeks all I will have is myself, and phone calls to my friends. which btw is free for me if you call my dorm room :p just an fyi I am gonna miss my friends. but it is only 3 weeks, and im sure that they will fly by.. right? but for three weeks i wont be able to go skate boarding with lisa, and darren, and ricci, and zeus and all those other peoples. but I talk to them like every day on the phone, and i am sure that that wont change during those three weeks. but i am just nervous.. i dono why because i am super independent, and i am used to being, and doing things by myself. but still.. living by myself on STATE street.. the street where i can get into a lot of trouble on. this is just crazyness.. oh and 19 days until i am 15

ok now i remember why i stopped skateboarding. I kept hurting myself doing it! lol Oh well.. a little scratch never stopped me :p. .. but i like twisted my ankle and i got bruises on my legs and arms and crap. somehow I got more banged up than darren, and he unsuccessfuly ollied down a flight of steps. I didnt do anything crazy like that.. shoot.. im not that crazy lol. Yesterday my ankle was worse than today.. but it seems to be feeling better.. but my legs still hurt..they are sore and it feels like i pulled a muscle or something? ya know that feeling? well i dono well got to go.. school starts soon and I dont think hookie is the thing to do today lol.

my skater buddies got me inspired to skateboard again.. and I can do an Ollie now! And i almost did a 180 switch.. or something like that.. this is cool! :p haha

Sorry.. i haven't really been writting in here as much.. i have been busy! Been going to the park and hangin with my skater buddies :p. Its great fun.. I have Darrens picture..its in my photobucket under the friends folder.. so you guys can see him. but i dont have pics of the others guys..they're hosers and didnt come that day.. Ricci, Zeus, Pedro, Mike, Kyle keith, STumbLes, and Big andy were no shows.. but they came when i left of course.. and i came back and they were there but I didnt have my camera no more. grr.. hosers! well my photobucket info is on one of those entries >> I think its entry 86 the one called photobucket. LOL I dono.. but that sure does sound right. Good Luck findin it :p but it does make sence to just post the info in here.. but i wont :p ahha well see ya all lataz.. goin to the park AGAIND! I love that place haha

ya know... just letting it all out like that yesterday made me feel better. I wish I hadnt let it all out in gym class but hey.. what can i do now about that? nothing!! lol but i was hyper like crazy today! Running around actin a fool! lol. and today atfer school, me, brit, moni, tremell, mike'l and richard were chillin in the computer lab listening to punk rock music takin pictures (which i will upload later.. i havent gotten around to doin that) plannin a party! just havin fun..talkin about just stupid stuff! lol its was good fun.

Today.. i dono I just friggin broke down. I never broke down like this. Its just for like the past year I have been holding in a lot of things, and not talking about it or letting out my feelings on anything and today it just blew up on me. I was on a friggin emotional roller coaster! lmfao. well my friend runnin' just kinda put me over the edge, and everything that has hurt me, i ignored and today it just came out. But today i really saw who cared about me when i was breaking down. The first person who was there for me right away was JQ (jaquese .. I think thats how you spell his name). He made me laugh, and even though he had no idea what i was goin through, he made me smile. and Brittany, nicole, earl, alysa, tessy, nathanal, taja, n jahvantae were all there tryin to make me happy -in there own little ways-. But i cant beleive that I just exploded like that. This morning I was fine.. I was going about -ignoring my feelings like always- but then i got to gym and i was by myself sittin there in this huge EMPTY gym thinkin. Then I dono I just started cryin. then all the guys came in and they say me and I was tryin to stop, but i couldnt and then all these guys who i didnt know where around me tryin to get me to smile! Like they were like "what if i hit this damn fool hittin on you.. would that make you stop?" lmfao i was laughin.. then i said "yes hit him." haha.. he deserved to be hit. LOL.. then the guys came out that i knew and they got em away and they were all by me talkin tryin to get my mind off things.. then my gurls came out then i had this huge group around me!! Then my gym teacher (who didnt notice that i was having a moment there) put me on the spot and embaressed me in front of the whole class. then he saw i was leakin from my eyes and thought it was because of what he said! lol.. i played it out for like a second that it was cuz of him just cuz i still got a sense of humor.. i cant take it if people make fun of me or w.e.. but i was in a lil mood and i decided to make him feel bad so he wouldnt do it again cuz he always decides to get me when i am feeling low.. that doesnt help a persons self esteem there lol. but then he thought seriously that he made me cry.. but then i told him i was just playin..that he didnt make me cry but i just wanted to make him feel bad lmfao.. i am evil like that. But my eyes were all red for the rest of the day and everyone could tell that i was cryin. and some people sed smokin.. but wth? i dont do drugs and i never gonna either.. so then in all of my classes everyone was all askin me "what happend?" "Boyfriend leave you?" "pregnet?" "Family member die?" "bad grade?" "people pickin on you?" "did you get jumped?" "do you need a hug?" llmfao.. someone asked me if i didnt huged enough as a child.. i was like WTF? haha but yes.. i am cool now.. and tommarrow i am gonna tell my teacher that i talked to someone about this..even though i am not gonna talk to anyone about it.. ill just type about it and i will fell better.. cry a lil bit each day.. but ill tell everyone that im okay... but what i wont say is that im pretending.. and deep inside theres pain never-ending. this little poem thing right here^^i wrote :) they always say you write best from your pain.

The one girl who understands me. The one girl who I could tell anything to this year. The one girl who told me everything. The one girl who taught me something about life. The one girl who was real. The one girl who wasnt afraid to express her feelings. The one girl with the most problems is running away. I just started crying. She told me thursday that she was leaving..maybe..then yesterday she confirmed it. But today she told me, shes leaving sooner than she thought. way sooner. today. Shes friggin running away, to get away, and I am not gonna see her for a long time. I hate this. here I am watching my gurl fall apart, and leave and ther is nothing that I can do about it but say good bye. I cant stop her, I cant tell her that this is wrong, i cant stop her. There is nothing left here for her except bad memories and times that she has to get away from. This is just tearing me up inside because i cant stop her. She'll be gone today. She'll be gone tomarrow. She'll be gone forever and forever makes me cry.

I dont like this... Ok somethings been buggin me, so I'll just say it: I dont like that my step brothers have a room at the house I live in now. I especially dont like that its my brothers room. All you guys already know that I dont like them but now they are in my brothers room going through his things like they are close family. ITS MY JOB TO BE NOSEY! I just dont like them moving in his room. Its too soon for me to see some fat white boy walking out of his room when before it was Nick, the small asian dude. Plus all of his things are still in there, its still his room. He hasnt officially move out yet and they are already moving in. this is friggin BOJUS! gah.. Then I wonder whats gonna happen when I am gone this summer? The other one gonna live in my room? If Nick was all moved out then i wouldnt have such a problem, but his things are still in there, its still his room. I miss my brother. I talked to him for like 3 hours yesterday though :). Hes doing good, but has 14 hours shifts because a lot of people got deployed :( so I wont get to talk to him again for a while. But I am glad that we talked. Hes sending me Italy presents :)

Italy News The devils numbers arent 666, they are really 616.. woopty doo.. they finally found a way to read some really old peices of paper in Greece. That was news from my brother haha.. we were chattin the other day.. i found that 616 666 stuff interesting.. soo jamie you wre born on 6/16 .. interesting... haha lol just kiding!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I am soo friggin excited!! OMGOMGOMG You wiil not believe this BUT.... I got ACCEPTED to the PEOPLE Program.. so I am going to stay at UW-Madision for 3 weeks every summer! I leave June 19th to July 9th! ahhhahahehjkehjkdhsfljdslkfjdl tasjgldmvdN I am just so happy. :) well i just wanted to tell you guys that.. but since ur readin this entry.. take a look at the one before this one.. my poem.. tell me what you guys think kay?! hehe