You left me today. I don't believe you, though. If I act like nothing is wrong between us, you'll eventually come back. ...Right? i'm falling apart, but I won't admit it to myself yet.

If I woke up next to you every morning, I wouldn't have a bad day for the rest of my life

I need to learn to play the guitar. I wanna be one of those people that just hangs out and jams out to beatles songs alone in their room all day. I need to learn better time management. I need to learn to recognize when I'm just being used as a tool to piss other people off. I need to learn that just because others have hurt me, it doesn't mean he will. That is all.

Sometimes I'm scared that maybe I'm not that different from all the other girls. I'm afraid I'll meet their same fate. Please don't break my heart.

The morning of April 26th- My parents were out of town and I was bored. It was purely out of entertainment, but when I was laying with you after... in the same bed as the first time... The night of May 9th- You stayed with me as I cried all night over something another person did The night of June 25th- You called me and told me that you ate a bottle of Tylenol, I could feel my heart break The evening of August 24th- I had planned for it to be the last time I saw you in a long time. You held me as I cried, and we kissed goodbye standing up, for the first time since we were 13. I knew it couldn't be the last time The early morning of August 30th- My whole body shook after we made love The early morning of August 31st- You and Dane were drunk. He made me cry, and you scolded him. Then rubbed my back and "shhh"-ed me. You told me I was the only girl you wanted to be with. The morning of August 31st- When I got back into bed after using the bathroom, you wrapped your sleepy arms so tightly around me... I can't even describe the perfection of that feeling... The evening of September 28th- I watched you cut yourself, I've never felt closer to you It's October 30th... when we woke up yesterday morning, I straddled you and told you that you were my best friend and that I love you. Now I know every day. Maybe not every minute of every day... but undoubtedly every day.

Sometimes I think that it would be best for me to leave you. And then I hate myself.

Maybe... I am crazy, after all.

I never felt alone until I met you. I'm so scared one day I'll lose you and feel like this forever. I feel like I can't fully enjoy you out of fear that you'll leave.

I don't want to wash you out of my sheets. The small stain reminds me of the night that you were more human than I'd ever seen you before. My body ached from loving you so much... running my fingers through your hair and the odd romance of that paralyzed kiss.

You're the first one When things turn out bad You know I'll never be lonely You're my only one And I love the things I really love the things that you do You're my best friend

a hand covering my eyes a blade against your thigh a mattress stained with blood your lips pressed against my ribs your lips pressed against mine a mattress soaked with tears a heart stained with memories ------------------------------------------=------------------------------------------ i didn't speak or move it's the closest i've felt to you in my life, and i'll never have the heart to tell you not my ideal way of celebrating... but somehow very fitting, very peaceful, and very full of love. thank you for these four years. for everything.

the beat of my heart is but a minor detail to whether i live i've been dead over three years a corpse in the crowd