I apologize in advanced for the grammar because I am the unsuccessful product of South Portland's fine education system. Inspired by a dream I had the other night..Loud music poured from the windows of an old tan station wagon tearing down a back road in the countryside.Headlights shone brightly through a thick haze lingering around the a long mountain valley. The driver and passenger were hidden beneath untamed hair and sunglasses dancing carelessly to the music. The sky was red beyond the horizon of the great green mountains making way for the sun to peak over the ridge and bring daylight onto the land. The chugging engine slowly wound down as they pulled into a dimly lit motel. The two girls hissed as the delicate tires climbed through craters in the ungroomed pavement. They emerged from their automobile in a sluggish manor, stretching the frozen joints from their locked positions. They staggered to the door carrying minimal luggage.The transaction was brief as they handed the slumbering woman some cash for a room and scurried down the hallways. The door burst open and one of the girls knocked the other out of the way to claim the shower. "Sure Lidey, you can have the shower first!" The other girl called after her.With a sigh she settled onto the second small twin bed setting the flimsy black bag on her lap. As soon as the zipper opened a few inches a head poked out with ears high on his head in alert. Hidden in long fluffy buff fur was a pair of orange eyes that curiously scanned his new roaming area. She smiled and dumped his reluctant body out of the bag. As the shower turned off she raced to the window sill to set the kitties food and water down."I was nice enough to take a quick shower so queen Sen could go swimming!" Lidey sang as she was pulled out of the bathroom."My body requires a lot of water time." She grinned and slammed the door. There was a few hours of sleep as they tossed restlessly through the waking hours. The curious bandit would occasionally stick his paws through the head boards to instigate a response from his sleeping companions but continued to explore his new surroundings. As mid day broke Sen jumped out of bed and quickly dressed herself in the faded denim jeans and a warn purple t shirt. In quick efforts to escape the confinement of the motel room she tied her long brown hair to the side and threw on a pair of black boots. The room had begun to acquire their girly smell which was quickly replaced by the generic motel hallway smell. She cringed and raced out the door with a quick wave to the motel keeper. Cool crisp air filled her lungs and she let it out with a long refreshed sigh. In the moment she felt as if she could do cart wheels through the long green field but ran through it instead. Driving in a car for more than eight hours made her release her pent up energy in unusual ways. She slipped on the wet grass landing on her back and giggled to her self with excitement."That's an unusual running outfit." A deep voice rang out beside her. She lifted a brow and slowly turned her head in the direction of the voice with her cheeks burning in embarrassment. He stood with the same expression, a brow slightly lifted with a resisted amusement in his face. "Hi." She said standing up and anxiously scratching the back of her neck.She studied this dark man in his dark blue jeans and untucked red flannel. He cleared his throat in the obvious silence and she raised her head with a rebuilding confidence."I didn't know there were cowboys in the north east." She said breaking the silence."Ah. Not cowboys. I prefer woodsmen." He said with a solemn nod. "Well that's an unusual jogging outfit." Sen said brushing the grass from her pants. She looked around to see the reasoning for his presence in the wide open field and then returned her questioning look to him.Lidey broke the silence by running up to them and gasping through her smokers lungs for air. "Making friends already Sen?" "Yeah, just observing the native woodsmen." She laughed a little nervously. "Well a few of us are staying at a bed and breakfast just on the other side of those woods if you foreigners are unfamiliar with this terrain." The man said shifting his shoulders."Well thanks for the invite! We'd love too. After we freshen up of course." Lidey chimed in pulling on Sen's arm. "What were you doing out here anyways?" Sen asked curiously. He pointed to a tan dot in the distance prancing along the outskirts of the forest. A Shepard dog ignored the human presence and wandered off in the world of smells. Sen nodded in approval and turned to skip away with Lidy back to the motel. "Freshening up?" Sen questioned."We're two travelers on the adventure of a lifetime and on the occasion we can dress nice and not like nomads." She said pulling at Sen's tattered purple shirt."Stop poking me," She whined elbowing her away. "You're worse than Monster." The buff cat, Monster, sprang out from behind the curtains into Sen's arms leaving thin lines of blood as the cling marks. Sen studied the excitement from Lidy and shook her head in astonishment as Lidy put on a fashionable flannel shirt and skinny jeans. Sen put in less effort and changed the holey outfit to a long purple sun dress and her favorite black western boots. Sen hugged her Monster goodbye and quickly chased after the over anxious Lidy. Valley Bed and Breakfast. It was a Double A Frame Bed and Breakfast with a wrap around porch that overlooked the rest of the valley that gradually climbed up the mammoth mountain. Lidy pointed out that is wasn't a scary deserted place at all but a rather busy establishment with a parking lot almost full to the brim with cars. Everyone was sitting around the tables inside and outside chattering happily amongst their tables. The atmosphere was almost too inviting as the girls approached they were greeted by almost everyone they passed. The waitresses mingled with every table while even some sat down to sip coffee and join the gathering."This is why I love small towns." Sen whispered picking up a menu. They were seated at a small round table on the back side of the porch and Sen neglected her menu to stare into the flourishing spectacle of lush green mountain sides. Her eye drifted to the gathering on the other side of the porch where the person they met earlier nodded a greeting from his group of people. Sen was reluctant to wave and sighed as Lidey waved back with a grand smile. The rest of the group turned around and smiled politely. Two of the girls scooped up their mugs of coffee and wandered over to Lidey and Sen to engage friendly conversation."Hi! I'm Sal and this is Chelsea. What brings you to this neck of the woods?" She asked flipping her long red hair. "A destination less road trip to where ever the wind takes us. " Sen replied nonchalantly. "And of course because before we spend the rest of our lives dedicated to slaving away on a career I would like to just go out and say I did something ridiculous at least once in my life." Sen added with a shrug. "I'm sure it wont be the last redicolous thing you do." Lidy grinned. "Well you sound like our kind of gals and strangely enough you've come to the right place!" The black hair girl cheered. "We are going on our yearly hiking trip up Black Mountain and we're leaving tomorrow morning if you want to join us! It wont be weird at all, we met two other girls who are here for business who are coming with us.""How long is this hiking expedition?" Sen asked with a concerned look."About a week or so." Sal said casually."Monster.." Sen said trailing off in thought. Both girls quickly looked at Sen with surprise."Well you can ask the woman who works there to feed him or bring him with you!" Lidey said excitedly."A pet? That woman there is really nice I bet she'd do it if you gave her a little extra money. She seems kind of lonely anyways." Chelsea nodded. Sen stared off over the valley again and caught the curious gaze of a man sitting amongst the group. He kept his gaze locked on her own for a moment but turned his attention back to the table with a sigh. Her eyes narrowed as the man she met earlier waved as to re direct her attention and she quickly looked away. "So then it's settled! We will leave tomorrow morning after breakfast." Lidey declared. "Well come in town with us and we can help you get some things you need. Is this going to cut off a good part of your trip?" Sal asked."No," Sen said suddenly. "We could travel for miles and just go sight seeing, this sounds like an adventure to me."Lidey bounced in her seat excitedly. Sen smiled and sipped her coffee. The two girls began to tell Lidey and Sen about their past experiences of Black Mountain. The sun was settling in the sky when the four girls pulled into the motel parking lot in a big black truck. Sen dragged a long hiking bag from the truck and set it down on the ground. "So you said those boys are going with us too?" Lidey asked nudging Sen. "Of course. It's been a tradition since high school." Chelsea said."Why do you ask?" Sal inquired curiously. "Well I meant nothing by it really," Lidey said a little embarrassed."Don't worry about it they are not our boyfriends. Our guys work at the same Law Firm and have to work this whole week." Chelsea sighed.They parted ways and Sen quickly retreated through the motel and onto her bed. In the corner of her eye she could see Lidey staring out the window clearly lost in thought."Having second thoughts about this random camping trip with these kids?" Lidey paused only for a moment. "Not really, I just think it's all so exciting. We're wanted to get out and do something crazy. It's just so enlightening that we get our chance." "It is exciting but you have your crosshairs on something and I'll be damned if this trip is going to be about that guy we met in the field." Sen snickered crossing her arms."Sen don't be bitter. I know you've had nothing but heart breaks in your past but life goes on and so do you. You're not dead from it just sort of demonic."They laughed. Sen shook her head and stroked Monster's soft fur comforted by his loud purring. She coaxed him up onto her shoulder and walked out to the main lobby. "Hi!" Sen greeted the woman cheerfully. "We ran into a lovely bunch of people and they have invited us to go camping. I was wondering that if I threw in some extra money you could come in and feed him maybe bring him up front?"The woman didn't know what to say and Sen's eye went wide with the antisipated outraged response. It almost seemed like her eyes were watering as they gleamed off of the light under her short curly hair. Sen's eyes shifted around nervously until her meek voice replied;"I would love too. I can't tell you how lonely it gets around here and why it had never occurred to me that an animal companion might brighten things up around here!" "Well I could certainly agree to animal company, I prefer the loyal unconditional love over human companionship." Sen chuckled letting Monster jump onto the counter."You know I don't see many girls like you two come through here often, this is a very small town. How did you get here if you don't mind my asking?" The woman said adjusting her thick purple glasses."Well we're going for the spontaneity approach. I stayed in the same town for way to long thinking I was going to get somewhere so I thought I might see a little bit of the world before I head back to the end of my life." Sen started to mumble at the end. "I don't suppose that love has anything to do with putting a black ribbon around the town," She poked with a friendly smile. "Getting out before you settle down is a good thing, if you don't get out and live your life to the fullest the rest of your life will seem empty." Monster strutted along the counter knocking pens over the edge with glee. He would be right at home and Sen felt a little better about leaving her dear friend behind. "Well thank you very much I truly appreciate it!" Sen finished waving before she closed the door.It was then when she could feel excitement herself boiling in her blood as her mind wandered to a day dreaming state. She sat down on her bed and examined the neatly packed and organized hiking pack that was almost half her size. It was only one of Monsters collars dangling from a vacant key chain that completed her masterpiece. Sen laid down in her bed and listened to the black birds singing out her open window. Monster searched frantically for the source of the melody. She smiled and closed her eyes letting the lulling take it's affect. "COME ON SEN!" Lidey shrieked as she slammed her fist on the overdue alarm clock. Sen groaned loudly and rolled out of bed. She tied her hair back, put her clothes on and threw heavy back onto her shoulders. With a quick kiss to Monster and a happy wave to the owner she skipped to the station wagon.Three boys and six girls started off into the woods. Everyone was happily introduced. Molly and Katherine had been there on a business trip for three days and decided to take advantage of some vacation time. Lidey was ecstatic that for the first time in her history of gatherings there was no awkward tension between females. Sen laughed hysterically as they reminisced on previous trips taken with friends who by the end of the trip all hated each other."I swear that happens with all women." Molly sighed.The three boys talked up ahead occasionally throwing a sarcastic remark in response to the feminine conversing. It was Jordan, the leader of the trio, Braiden who Sen ran into on the field and Gemini. They were almost all similar in appearance except for the hair; Jordan with the black, Gemini with the blonde and Braiden with the red."Do you think there will ever be some quiet time?" Braiden hollered back."Define quiet time!" Sal shouted back."Girls talk to much." He chuckled and dodged the acorn missiles launched for his head. It was midday when they decided to set up camp in a small clearing just outside of a wide shallow river beside them. The sound of the waterfall in the distance was hushed by a strong breeze blowing at the tops of the tall trees. Sen took in a deep breath of fresh air smelling the rich soil beneath them and the pine trees around them. A colony of tents were pitched around a large fire pit that was being built. The girls were given the task to collect kindling, rotting logs and potential firewood while the boys dug the pit and sharpened the axes. Sen decided to stay and watch them until Jordan scraped the ax against the long black stone and paused looking up at her cringing expression."This might take a while." He frowned. She nodded and wandered to the river. The water carved through the smooth flat rock and slowly narrowed into the distance. There were a few spots of rock that were not submerger and she jumped across and laid down in the middle running her fingers through the water. She cautiously kept watch for any creepy crawly that could sneak up and invade the rock refuge. The mist from the waterfall settled onto her skin and she let out a refreshed sigh."Sen!" Lidey called. Sen was being summoned back to camp.Sen made herself useful and began to prepare some of the food combined by each camper. Lidey sat beside Braiden as he explained the art of 'Fireman'. Gemini laughed and began to mock Braiden's philosophy. Soon everyone began to speak like a poetic philosopher and narrated their task. Sen giggled as she listened on to the growing joke. Sen handed Gemini the food as the metal wrack was placed over the fire to begin their feast. Again she decided to wander, this time it was north of the camp where a steep inclining bank brought her to a big climbable Oak tree. She gracefully scaled each branch and pulled herself as high as she could go before limbs became to frail to support her one hundred and ten pound weight. Ninety feet later she looked out over the valley once more and down the mountain to where she could just barely make out the Valley Bed and Breakfast. She thought of Monster and hoped he was enjoying his sitter's company and staying out of trouble. Sen saw a small figure below her and climbed down carefully. Her hands enjoyed the smooth surface of the great oak limbs that stretched out proudly bearing healthy rounded leaves. As soon as she was close to the bottom she felt her hand slide through a thick spider web. She shrieked, clearly distressed as her paced quickened and a careful climb down turned into an aborted mission. She leapt from the branch onto the ground with her arms flailing around."What happened!" Lidey gasped quickly responding to the scene. "I was hoping I didn't bring anything back down here with me." Sen muttered still shuddering. "Well your food is done and is smells delicious!" Gemini exclaimed pulling out the small plastic plates. Fruit salad and hamburgers was the main course of the evening. Meal time was unusually quiet as everyone examined each other and their surroundings. Sen caught Jordan smiling at her a few times and casually moved back behind the girls. The bitter attitude began to rise out of her nerves as she repressed the source of the emotions. There was a sudden gasp followed by a crowd of laughter. Sen poked her head up to see through the huddle of girls. Sal pulled a couple glass bottles of from her bag. Molly unscrewed the cap on the tallest bottle and smelled it. She winced and held it away from her nose quickly."This is the only thing that makes camping in the wilderness dangerous, never mind the bears and mountain lions," Sen said taking the bottle and holding it to her lips. "May I?" "By all means. I always wondered how city girls held their liquor." Chelsea said waiting for an offended response. Sen rolled her eyes, took a few gulps and pulled the bottle away from her mouth slowly. She neglected to look up because for one, everyone was looking at her and two, this was not any alcohol she had ever tasted. She shot a look at Chelsea who was wearing a curious seductive smile and motioned her to drink on. Lidey's eyes widened as Sen took another sip from the bottle and dazed off into the distance. "What on earth did you give her, some kind of hallucinate beverage?" She growled and stood up. "Sen?"Sen shifted her eyes side to side still avoiding everyones eye contact and stood up. She staggered over to Lidey sloshing the drink side to side and quietly moaning. Lidey tensed her jaw and backed up a few steps. Sen slowly lifted the bottle to Lidey and regained normal posture. "It's not poison Lidey, it's actually pretty good you should try some." Sen smiled boldly.Lidey gave her a scolding look for distilling worry and grabbed the bottle. The girls broke out into laughter as Lidey cringed. The bottles began to pass around and the night had begun.Katherine pulled out a small banjo and to Sen's delight began to break out in a fast folk melody with Molly singing along. Lidey got up and danced around the fire with Molly and Chelsea as Sen sat on the side lines clapping. Sen glanced in the corner of her eyes to the boys drinking their tall glass bottles of crimson liquid. Gemini pulled out a harmonica and attempted to play along as Braiden grabbed Lidey's hands and jumped around the fire with her. There was a brief intermission after the first round of musical chairs around the fire. Molly started again this time harmonizing with Gemini and Chelsea sang along. Jordan and Sen sat on opposite sides of the fire spectating the wood folk dance around the fire. To avoid further intoxication Sen slipped away from the fire and back to the moonlit river. She slipped over the rocks to sit in the middle of the water once more running her fingers through the water. Her ears twitched at the sound of casual footsteps on the bank of the river. "You know it's not the bears and the mountain lions you should worry about out here." Jordan said pulling off his boots."Oh yeah?" Sen responded raising her head in his direction. "Should I be afraid of the local woodsmen?" He looked up at her in surprise to study the context of her statement.She nodded and scanned the other side of the river. Through the dark bushes that lined the banks danced the random fire flies that signaled for their mates. The crickets chirped along with the sound of the river. For a moment she pretended as if Jordan was not gracing her presence."Do you find comfort in being alone?" He asked wading through the water. "Yes and no," She shrugged looking quickly in his direction then back to the water. "I live for the sights, sounds, smells and energy of places like this and other energies get in the way of it sometimes. Like now, a little drunk and I want to be a little drunk sitting in the middle of a beautiful moonlit river and be able to say I've done something like that."He nodded and looked up at the moon. "That is very interesting." "It's probably nothing new to you though, being a woodsmen and all." She smirked. "I grew up here but I will never take this place for granted. I've gone through too much to see it any other way."For the first time she made eye contact with him to observe the emotions behind what he said and he looked away with a shrug. She watched him as he swallowed nervously and shifted his weight. He looked up at her as if he was about to say something, his brows lifted in a concerned manor then kicked his foot through the water. "What?" She asked standing up feeling some sort of tension rise in him. Suddenly there was a scream. Sen's stomach turned as the movements around the fire became quick and fearful. She clenched her jaw at Jordan as his gaze remained heavenward and raced through over the rocks and water. Her heart was pounding through her chest as she prepared for the worst. Instead she found Molly and Chelsea wrestling through the leaves and Lidey fallen over laughing. Sen sighed irritably as Sal handed her a small glass of the thick crimson liquid. Sen shook her head and tossed it down her throat and that is when she saw Jordan wide eyed staring at her. She tilted her head and then looked to Sal who was avoiding Jordan's eye contact.That's when Sen realized that the wrestling between Molly and Chelsea had been ill intended. Lidey had been scooped up by Braiden and he cradled her drunken body in his arms. Katherine seemed to be passed out on the bench with Gemini. Sen grabbed Molly by the arm and pushed Chelsea back sitting them down, both stunned with shock. She then marched over to Lidey."I think she needs to go to bed with me now." Sen growled feeling an unnatural intention from Braiden. Sal put her hand on Sen's shoulder and Sen's body went limp. Though she could not move she watched Sal and Jordan in a muted argument. Braiden laughed and picked Lidey up walking away from the fire. Sen struggled to keep her eyes focused on everything around her until it all slowly blacked out.Sen shot up out of her involuntary slumber to find herself in a small room that smelled like moldy wood. There was a small window with light descending back behind the mountains, nightfall again. Against her body's will she stood up and crashed through the door. There was Lidey still lifeless in a wooden rocking chair and Braiden with his mouth on her hand. Sen charged him, throwing her body into his and knocking all three of them on the floor. She struck his jaw with a tightly balled fist and fell into him once more. He crashed into the soft wooden wall in bewilderment. Sen then pushed his head into the wall further and grabbed Lidey. Before she could pick her up Sal stood with her hands signaling a cease fire. "Who the hell are you people?" Sen snarled shielding her friend."Sen please calm down, you're over reacting." Sal pleaded with her hands up. "Let me take Lidey and go." Sen demanded glaring back to Braiden."I can't do that-"Braiden lunged at Sen but she dropped Lidey and hooked him in the face once more. He crashed into Sal. Chelsea ran up behind Sen and grabbed her arms. Sen's body flailed with rage and she pushed her legs against the ground and smashed Chelsea into the wall. An uncontrollable eruption of anger burst from Sen's veins and she escaped from Chelsea's bear like grip. Sen ran to Lidey's side again baring her teeth and clutching the fabric of the chair. The trio was hesitant to approach her as she jumped at them causing them to fall back in defense. Chelsea was the first to try and contain her but Sen swiped her locked fingers against her skin leaving gouges in Chelsea's cheek bone. The second attempt and it took all three of them to contain Sen's thrashing body. They carried her back into the room she woke up in and closed the door. Sen paced crazily around the room and punching the walls. She looked up at the depression in the ceiling from water damage and climbed up onto the window sill. She jumped up off of the sill and punctured the rotting wood pulling down boards and insulation. She continued this until she could see the remaining light from the upstairs window. Without a second thought she grabbed a hold of the beam and pulled herself through the second floor. However as soon as she stood and saw Molly and Katherine's pale naked bodies in the corner of the room she stumbled back into the wall covering her mouth with her bloody hands. The door flung open and without hesitation Sen sprang past Sal and down the hallway in Lidey's direction. Suddenly she fell onto her stomach feeling her body weakening again. She tried to make a fist with her hands and lost control of her limbs. She was blacking out again but before she was completely gone she saw Jordan racing for her up the stairs. Sen woke once more in her motel room and sat up. She wasn't sure where she was or how she got there. There was an alarming look on her face as she looked at her heavily bandaged hands. A knock came at the door and despite her daze she dashed to opened the door.The woman lowered her purple glasses with a horrifying look."My goodness, what happened to you?" She gasped.Quick. Make something up."Had a nasty little fall on my jog." Sen said uneasily. "You were only gone for three days, is everything alright? Is your friend alright?" The woman asked putting a hand on Sen's shoulder."No everything is fine..." She said staring off into the hallway."It's about Monster," As soon as the woman said that name she looked up quickly with a strong emotion attached. "He escaped the night you left. He was howling at the window and hissing and as soon as I walked over to the window to see that it was he slipping through the shutters and ran in your direction towards Black Mountain."Sen rushed to her bed to grab a coat. Her speed was reduced as she was confined in her tight purple sun dress and threw on a pair of black boots and a short purple pea coat. She grabbed the wallet from her pocket and tossed a wad of money on the bed. "That is for you, take it. Take it all." Sen shouted as she ran past the woman and out of the motel. The speed in which Sen was running was unusually fast and yet she felt weightless in her haste. The wind was gusting across the field as she ran around the Bed and Breakfast to the parking lot for Black Mountain. The sun was falling behind the mountain and the full moon already shining brightly through the haze of overcast. Sen ran blindly into the woods ignoring the stinging pain from branches whipping against her face. She pulled her dress above her knees and ran even faster. Where am I going? What is happening?For a moment she paused kneeling on the ground and gasping for air. The wind tore through the trees and encouraged Sen to continue on. As she ran she could see the faded image of a tan long haired car racing beside her. Her heart sank deeper as the emotion grew more desperate. The moon rose high into the sky as the hours passed and Sen was still running through the forest and deeper into Black Mountain. Sen occasionally followed the trails for hikers but once at a wide shallow river she ran across and followed the smell of burning wood. She reached a cleared and stopped abruptly. There was a dimly lit cabin with dark old shutters closed in every window. Nothing stirred outside and she snuck through the clearing cautiously. "She's here." A girl whispered peeking through one of the broken blinds. Sen made it out of the clearing and walked now studying large boulders that grew out of the thick underbrush of the forest. There was a tingling sensation in her chest and as soon as she turned the corner there sat a long haired tan cat who meowed excitedly when they met. She scooped him up into her arms and hugged him tightly with tears streaming down her face. The soft fur soothed her hysteria and she began to breath deeply in attempt to simmer.The cat purred loudly and licked her nose as she began to walk in the direction she came from. Three people waited eagerly on the small porch in front of the cabin but Sen continued to walk, unaware of their presence. One of them stepped forward and Sen stopped turning in his direction. Sen gently placed the cat onto the ground and put her hand over him. He meowed curiously and batted at her hand. The man took her hand and led her inside with the cat following close behind."That's it Jordan, she has to stay with us. You brought her back with no memories and she some how found her way back here." Sal whispered looking wearily at Sen.Jordan clenched his fist in anger and sighed through his teeth. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this. If I had seen her and the other girl when you first introduced them I would have changed the plan.""Why do you pity this girl so much?" Chelsea hissed in the background.He didn't answer. He stared into her vacant eyes and resisted his impulse to comfort her in his arms. "They will send people to look for them you know, the car is still in the parking lot and they have all their things at the motel. This place will be crawling with the police and their dogs. We are jeopardizing everything because you kept her alive.""She's mine. I'll take care of everything just keep her safe and keep her here." Jordan ordered Sal with a stern look."What if she starts remembering things and freaks out like she did last time? She drank out of your glass, I poured her a cup myself. She is more dangerous now than she was before." Sal protested."She has that cat, she will be fine. Keep her safe." He said and dashed out the door. Sen yawned and laid back in the wooden rocking chair hugging her cat tightly. His purring seemed to help her drift into a light sleep. Sal and Chelsea sat at the table behind her. They watched intently as Gemini and Braiden walked outside."We can't let him do this." Sal whispered to Chelsea. Chelsea nodded in agreement and looked around the room. "I'll see what I can find in the attic."As soon as Chelsea disappeared upstairs Sal motioned for the doors to lock quietly and brushed the cat from her arms. Sen stirred and opened her eyes, the grogginess alone left her helpless as Sal dragged her into the bathroom. "Shhh." Sal cooed as she laid Sen onto her back.Sen lay there motionless with her eyes barely open. Sal got on all fours and placed her face into Sen's neck and rubbing her head against her body. Sal slid her hands along her arms and became entranced with the motions of her fingertips along Sen's skin. She took Sen's hand to her mouth and opened it sinking two unusually long ivory teeth into her tops of her skin and taking in the blood that rushed from the punctures. Sen's eyes opened wide and her whole body tensed. A sickening feeling overcame her body and for a few minutes she endured the blood to be drained from her body. Then she pulled her hand away from Sal and crawled out of the bathroom leaving Sal in ecstasy on the floor. Sen could barely speak and made choking sounds as she dragged her body through the living room.Chelsea broke through the door and gasped at the top of the stairs. Braiden and Gemini pounded on the door and shouted loudly. She saw Sal on the bathroom floor and shook her head. Sen reached up for Chelsea with her bloody hand and Chelsea cringed. She grabbed Sen's arms and dragged her out of the cabin through the back door to the river. "This has to be done.." Chelsea said sliding Sen's body into the river. Sen slowly sunk under the water and drifted down the smooth river current. Without a thought she took in a breath of air underwater and exhaled with a wave of relief. She didn't drift that long before she was pushed up onto a rock in the middle of the river. The tan cat called to her from the other side of the river waking Sen from her paralyzed state. She smiled, collected her strength and pulled herself through the water into the banks of the river. The cat protested at the water soaking up in his fur but purred loudly. She looked through the luminous forest and motioned her friend to come with her. Sen regained her footing and walked slowly into the woods disappearing into thickening trees with her feline friend marching proudly beside her.

Maybe it's boredom. I often feel ashamed for sitting on this computer and typing out events, feelings and notable accomplishments of the day. Winter time confines me to small and dry rooms inside. I feel like the only reason I am more depressed in the winter is because my body is wrapped up in layers of clothing and can not breathe or take in sunlight. Getting stoned eases the antisipation but when I think about it I can feel my body sufficating more. It's nice to be able to smell though. My recent desicion to discard cigarettes from my daily agenda has some what improved my train of thought. Being able to taste and smell consistantly is definately a few points. Bad does outweight the good I'm afraid. I've yet to replace the urgent need for oral fixation. I try deep breathing to extinguish the firey fury building up but I'm not exhaling smoke and so no justifying results. I'm glad to see that spell check doesn't work in this text box! Picking up reading is another. Let's say that gets less points then the smelling. Broadening my senses by reading might actually work as a temporary relief for my sense deprivation. I have read two books in the past week. The library is higher up on my list of things to do, right next to item 2. Sit around and do nothing. Going with my daughter is slightly firstrating, I like to take my time places and observe everything not rush right through and hurry back to doing nothing. Its really sad that I have that train of thought. Just because it's cold and the snow looks like piles of dirt everywhere doesn't mean I can't go outside and enjoy myself. There is so much to do, and you don't even have to pay money! Like... Go explore the rocky coastline at Fort Williams... Go walk around Portland and stare at all the nice things you'd like to buy... Take your dog to a dog park which turns out to be more fun for your dog than you, unless you're me... Then there's... I've figured that the only way to enjoy outside to the fullest is to use it to your advantage. So? You want to get into shape? Bam. You're outside early in the morning and at night and for all the weird people, in the middle of the day.... I think that's what I'll do. I can't imagine running outside in jeans and a peacoat though sprinting down the walk ways around my house. I need a fancy running outfit to match my dogs collar and advertise some energy drink on my back. I want to start improving my life. Get in shape, eat moderately healthy because I can not live without chocolate and I don't want too anyways, getting a job that is of MY intrest, not stupid retail or fast food. Murder. Find a cute little apartment with a porch and........ Be happy. Pot definately helps. Yeah. I want to work with Dogs. That's all I know and it's all I've ever known. My brain is filled to it's maximum capacity with everything about canis lupis. After reading Ceasar Millan's book I know for sure I will spend the rest of my life helping them and other animals; Here and all around the world. And preach about it for the rest of the day... Food sounds good right about now. JUNK FOOD. :D

I drive around a lot. Having time to myself is a rare occurrence. Mid day I meet my boyfriend and we drive across the city in our cars to his house. I realize that other than my trip to the dog park in the wee hours or the morning I had nothing notable that crossed my mind or happened to write about. Writing is a very important daily routine. To not write is to feel lacking accomplishments. Mental records are also nice, especially at this point in my life. As the night carries on, my thoughts grow darker. Each hour brings more anxiety. I sit in this chair not stoned, not drunk but sober. That's how I usually spent my nights. Sober nights leave my mental state melancholy. I have heard that our true selves come out at night and I very much disagree with that. Upon my studies of human emotion, me being the object of study, I have not been able to gain any sense of emotion itself. My latest theory is working itself in circles; Breaking down emotions into to extreme categories. Happiness and Anger. Now I can tell you all about anger effortlessly, I could go on and on about it. Happiness though is still foreign to me. I get certain ideas of what it could be but the dominant emotion presses in with pessimism. Anger is all I've ever known, all that I've ever learned from, all that has saved me from vulnerability. Of course basing one's life off of anger is simply not the best way, aware I am. Out of my twenty one years, nine months, three days, nine hours, forty three minutes and however many seconds of living I still am unable to find myself peacefully co existing in my environment. I am told those things come in time and that I am rushing youth (this is the part where I acknowledge my melancholy state of mind) but the only way I find myself peacefully coexisting with the world and not constantly retreating into my self is stoned. Unlike your idea of a stoner, which I am not, it brings me out of this cold stone manner of thinking and into a world of possibilities and enlightenment. It acts like aderol would, giving me the ability to clean houses without being brought down by worry or doubt. Unlike most people who shy away from people in a stoned state (which I am when I'm sober) I can walk strike up a conversation with just about anyone who doesn't give me a awkward look. Alcohol is less and less appealing as time goes on. I got a good taste of that before I turned twenty one. Now I just see how it just brings out the absolute worst in people, including myself. Liquid courage is not at all good because if you're not ready to say it sober you will be unprepared for the reaction you get especially if your issue is drinking right along side you. The hang over of course is the cherry at the top of the Sunday and if not the hang over then the severe serotonin depletion in your body (me anyways). Drinking in moderation is all good and I am completely open to the possibility that it is the people that I'm surrounded by. I have been told many times in my life that I must have been put here as a punishment because I have never fit in with anyone around here. To many tourists Portland is a beautiful city and right across the bridge is the Maine Mall in South Portland, where I grew up. Yes, in the summer it is beautiful and people do not stay long enough to see the creatures that inhabit it's large apartment complexes and roam the coastal streets at night. Adults that never came out of high school and children who never had role models. All the smart people lived in unreachable residential area's like Cape Elizabeth, Falmouth, Yarmouth. A tax bracket unreachable by a single mother working a minimum wage job in the city, for good reason I would assume. From scum to politically correct the divide is so clear to see, money filters out the unintelligent and ugly creating perfection and greed. Of course a community college could boost your opportunities, get a degree in something thousands of other people are getting. Unemployment is still on the rise and suddenly the United states is recovering its debts without renewing jobs! Oh silly government, what will you think of next? In my first entry I stated that humans were evil. Of course my expectations are great, because unfortunately we have taken over the entire planet. However to give up my expectations of human beings and just accept that we're all sub primal species that can predict our own death and make fire is to give up hope on humanity itself. Erm. Maybe starting from the dead bottom in life and the slow incline from low lower class to low class then maybe within the next couple years make it to middle class and continue to fight to give my daughter what I never have. I am told I'm just like my father, impatient. I see the mountain and I'm ready to climb to the top in one day. Though my daughter slows me down in my accomplishments it gives me a new meaning on life and she gives me the hope and courage I need to keep fighting against the tide. Where I would be now without her is not up for discussion. Despite all the negativity and discouraging context she is my life jacket and the only true happiness I will ever know. The first thing that comes to my mind when I think of Anger currently is jealously, then suspicion then doubt, fear, anxiety, paranoia then back to the teeth clenching anger. When I think of happiness I think of a scenario so far-fetched and so far from my current state I begin to believe that it is a fairy tale. I've also considered the notion that I am ungrateful. I have a beautiful daughter, the best dog in the world, the best cat in the world, a car that I own, a consistent and reliable job that I am skilled in but don't have enough hours to maintain expenses, a very intelligent boyfriend who says he loves me, a moderate intelligence about myself given the upbringing and an apartment I can't afford with bills that are beyond not being able to afford that are in fact piling up as I write. Boo hoo right? Isn't that what the majority of the population is going through right now? I mean hell I have a roof a, a car, some people are outside cold right now sucking down the last bit of whiskey so they can forget about their hellish predicament and how their fingers are numb just in time to pass out in a nice little ally way. Their kids taken away by the state because they were unable to properly care for them, their animals brought to a shelter where they can be re homed and brought back six months to a year later. 1 out of 3. One out of every three pets stays in a home for its entire life. Which brings me to the point of thinking how much better this night would have been if I had smoked a little, watched some British movies, and passed out just in time for the credits to roll around. My eyes dart around the well lit room. The heat is almost unbearable, fuming out of two computers, a laptop and a giant flat screen TV mounted on my boyfriends wall. Beneath it is the bed where the result of too quickly consumed Svedka rests to be uneasily awoken in the morning. Like I said; Melancholy. So tomorrow when I wake up and boredom takes me back to my laptop I'll look this hostile entry with a raised eyebrow and a long drawn sign from my cheeks. I can't wait to see the snow.

The cold weather rapidly approaches. The leaves are almost completely stripped from their branches. Portland loses it's appeal in the winter, something about the cold weather makes it look like a wasteland. Oh Swine Flu. My mother chimes in on the hype and her words of paranoia almost convince me from time to time that it has the potential to harm me or my daughter. I don't have TV at my house, or the internet, or a DVD player or a VCR to keep me informed on what the media is currently freaking out about. Then the morning approaches and my daughters nose is constantly dripping down to her lips. She has this new habit of keeping her fingers lodged into her mouth at all times. I had been given a flu shot graciously paid for by my previous employer last November and I'm happy to say I went almost the entire year without some sort of virus. The common cold was circulating it's way through family members and my daughter too of course, the little germ incubator, but I got off Scott-free. I tell my boyfriend that he is going to get this and I'm not. I was actually confident. Then I go to work and gravity seems to be kicking my ass. I don't really acknowledge it until I reach my grandparents house. I take the keys out of the ignition and open the door. My two feet touch the ground and instead of hurling my weighted body out of the car I slump into the front seat. A series of uncontrollable yawning overcomes my speech, my eyes begin to water and my nose feels irritated. It was only when I slouched into the drivers seat when I realized my immune system waved the white flag and reluctantly awaiting the future departure of re enforcements. Apparently my white blood cell count had taken a vacation or were trapped behind the mass sugar consumption pumping through my veins. I gulp down another cup of coffee in hopes that the six spoonfuls of sugar will give me just enough energy to get my daughter, drive my dog back to my apartment and get to my boyfriends house before the life is drained from my body. Happily I write only a day after this incident. I am still alive. The saliva going down my throat is blocked by swollen tonsils while the lingering stinging follows after they actually get through. I'm also happy to note the Robitussin without alcohol is not as effective as the stuff you're supposed to trip out on. I assure myself I'm not missing out on much, it does take the edge off. Hasta, cold cup of water, box of tissues, good movie, and boyfriend. Priceless.

I am very disappointed in Maine today. We have managed to pluck rights of united states citizens away in the name of the bible. This answers my questioning about religion, it's the origin of ignorance. So according to the reality check I just got today witnessing a 48% no 52% yes result; It's okay to have a history founded on blood, millions of people murdered in the name of god but it's not okay for two people of the same sex who feel the same love and compassion as any heterosexual couple to get married because the bible said it's wrong. I'm not one to start throwing spears because I didn't get out of my own way to go out and vote but it makes me sick that something like that is even an issue. Oh Maine, such a wonderful state. Such beautiful scenery, small cities, high taxes and the best welfare benefits in the country. At least one good thing came of this; Marijuana dispensaries. My spelling is awful, sue me. How that is going to impact the average pot smoker like myself will come to play in the next year or so. Will it become more accessible? It's a possibility. It is curious though that the 'gateway drug' is becoming less of an issue than gay people getting married. Haha, what is this world coming too. A happy outlet to my day was tagging along with the woman I work for through her large estates. A big chunk of land preserved from the majority of human contact and did I mention it was also a game preserve? The only people allowed to walk on the two-hundred and seventy two acres of coastal woodlands are the family members who inherited the lots and the landscapers who maintain the up keep on it's pristine surroundings. Then there's me of course; I clean this woman's house which in term gives me the privilege to walk her four demonic little dogs through the lush green fields that stretched out to the marshlands on the coast, long tire warn trails through the dark forests and hurry through tick infested fields in the apple orchards. I could write for hours about this place, I've even attempted to paint certain parts of it from pictures taken by my cheesy LG phone. I watched a deer scurry from the orchard and into the woods. Seeing wildlife was a very uplifting feeling for me, especially when the sight is finished off by my pit bull lab, three pugs and a rat terrier attempt to chase the fresh scent on the ground. Silly dogs. To conclude this entry I believe my car is a gasaholic, moderation simply does not cross her mind. Well actually to be honest I think its pilot error. Yup.

To the next instance where I'm left guessing via text message will tell only that I am a coward. Cowardly in a manner of not confronting someone with a treturous temper, saving myself the humiliation of being made a fool for mere feeling. I spare no wisdom right now in my attempt to drain my thoughts onto this webpage. I hint of amusement would spark in my interest in this website. It was high school that I last used this in a brief attempt to escape my mother's prying eyes. Now I think that it is a subtle escape from reality once more. Can you tell me why the world is constantly falling down? We can blame politics, global warming or the real reason; Homosapiens are cold blooded in the sense of evil. My only relief in life is the unconditional love from my dog and cat and the responsibility as a parent and loving my daughter. Who can save?