"It's just hit me what a bad person you are" Says the guy who just headbutted me so hard that I bit my own tongue.

it's see you around. I'm on Tumblr now, gonna see how that is for a while, but I'll come back to you sitD, ol'faithful x

RIP Corey Haim x

That should be TOO AWAKE! I have class in like 4 hours but I imagine I'll end up skipping because I need to sleep. Kris, as in my ex who I used to have an apartment with, has left me in the shit again re: this £1,300 that he owes me from said apartment. He hasn't paid me any back and it's been 15 months and I KNOW he's struggled to get a job and blah blah, but his loan came in all backpaid and I know for sure he could have given me a decent chunk of the money but instead he claims he can only give me a fucking hundred. Which sucks dick because we just got our gas & electric bills and the gas alone was £315 so I have to pay about £70 for that, then £25 for leccy, £7 for water, £7 for internet which leaves me with about £20 until april 11th. FUCK BEING SKINT AND FUCK BEING AWAKE THIS LATE! PS/ The smoke in Amsterdam was fucking lurrrsshhh and the Truffles were insane! ٥ﻻ ﻉ√٥ﺎ ٱц

'Therapy' again. Amsterdam tomorrow.

Valentines day huh? It hasn't been so bad, I baked chocolate cupcakes and sprinkled m&ms on them for Davey, carved a piece of wood instead of buying a card and got him a limited edition jimi hendrix stash tin. He made me a card out of various things which he found including a chocolate wrapper that said 'nibble me' on it and let me choose a teddy from build a bear...I got a silver cat and called him Bernie after this weird 'animal' thing we make by him being on all fours and me sitting on his neck liek a shoulder ride only horizontal and then we walk around the house/upstairs that way. We went to see 'Youth in Revolt', it was pretty good. Earlier I had my third massive break down in a fortnight.

It's lasting forever and it's making my mouth bleed...how sexy! I had to go to the police station to identify the guy that broke into my neighbours car, it was pretty exciting and weird. I've been in a cop car before but I've never ridden in one. Anyway, we picked up 2 other witnesses on the way and then all got put in seperate rooms and asked questions, but the cop I got was just talking to me about Grateful Dead, he was a cool guy. Dunno if I ID'd the right guy but oh well! And some people blow my mind sometimes...this other witness, a chav lad, was playing fucking footsie with me on the ride back, I mean seriously? What did he think would happen with that?

...and this time I'm going to a sex show! Last 3 times I've been to the Dam I never got to go one; 1st year I was with my family, 2nd I went to see BRMC instead and 3rd it was just me and my homegirl so that would have been weird/dangerous? Plus we were too busy trippin' balls on some mexican magic. I'm really excited and a little apprehensive because I'm going with Murray, Jonny, Chris and Ibby (maybe Eddie and Elliot)...I don't think Davey appreciates that too much, I hope we don't fall out about it. Today is so boring that I'm considering doing some work. Oh shit I nearly forgot, I saw these chav lads break into a car outside my flat last night (at 1st I didn't realise it wasn't this guys car because I didn't see him break the window) anyway the lass from across the street came out and asked me if I'd seen anything, next thing I know this lovely cop guy was asking me for a description. About an hour later we were skinning up and I hear a knock, go downstairs and its the police wanting a formal statement so I fucking ran upstairs and was trying to stash everything, did just in time but it was tense. They were nice guys though, as I was double checking the info we taught them the advert game (ie/ if its for cornflakes, you have to shout cornflakes before the advert says it...that sounds confusing) and they were joining in haha! One of them got well into it; "SAINSBURY'S....don't know why I said that, it's calpol hahaha" x

I finally finished my competition entry; a short story of about 1, 800. I wrote it based on this time when I was 13 and my best friend at the time and I went to the woods and smashed up this big old boombox with a hammer. I think it's pretty good but I don't hold out hope of winning (don't get your hopes you and you can't be dissappointed), although the £2000 prize would certainly be amazing. I'd use it to go to Amsterdam with the guys and then to Berlin to see Nic. I got my book through today; 'Junior' by Macaulay Culkin. It's second hand from a library in NY. I love that so much! It came from halfway around the world, it has a story, other people have had that in their hands and read it, maybe enjoyed it, maybe didn't, but it still has a part of a soul in it! And I also have a cut lip from eating a huge everlasting gobstopper. I always got them as a kid, but my mum would throw them out after 2 days...I never got past like 3 layers! So now I am determined to finish this one! I love this tune! Oh...and I got another 1st for my film writing!

I woke up in an amazing mood today with a touch of OCD cleanliness throw in. And my fingertips hurt from trying to learn bass guitar, but it's fun and so I throw a little moisturiser on and carry on...although really I should be finishing this damn short story because the dealine is the 25th. Adam came back yesterday, it's lovely to see his happy little face again after about 6 weeks. Now we're just waiting for Gaz to materialise and then we'll have the whole flat back together :)

2010 has so far proved that the laziest really can get lazier. So lazy in fact, that the past 11 days I have been slobbing about the flat, I haven't even had the energy to update or take down the damn Christmas tree! NYE was fun, we got the upstairs room of The Commi (our local pub) again, took decks and a soundsystem down and some of the guys DJ'd. Brought in the new year with DnB & Dubstep and everyone being wasted. Lovely. I came back up to Newcastle early because I missed Davey heaps, it's been nice having the flat to ourselves :) He's in London with college for the next couple of days, which to be honest is a good thing. There's nothing wrong with having time apart. And we're planning a trip to Paris yay! The weather here has been crazy! Like -8 most days and sooo much snow, but now I'm over it and ready for the sun (yeah right! This is england) Anyway, hope everyone had a good NYE too! x

So we are on the cusp of a new year and decade, lets hope it's a good one. I feel futuristic saying 2010. And lets not forget that 2012, new world oreder is upon us supposedly, will it be the apocalypse or a cosmic shift that brings about the salvation of our stupid race? HAPPY NEW YEAR!

A late MERRY CHRISTMAS and an early HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hope everyone had a pleasant time? I ate too much of course, who doesn't? So I'll be commencing a fast shortly I imagine, so that I can still fit into my new skirt... It's been really nice being down in Southend over the festive period, seeing the kids open their pressies and getting them excited for Santa etc. Bit emotional though because it's the anniversary of the baby twins birth/death :/ No one's really mentioned it, but there's a slight tension, it's been 12 years, but it'll never fade. <3 Anyway, I'm getting frustrated about the lack of seeing Davey, I miss him and I know he's feeling shitty because he realised that Murray likes me as more than friends and that he's going to steal me from him which is ridiculous cos I love Davey and if I had wanted Murray like that I'd already be with him. I feel very sick from too much chocolate fondue and I'm sick of feeling so blank and hollow still, can't wait for spring to arrive so I can escape this s.a.d cloud.

Got home yesterday eve. The snow is so deep here. Lovely to see my mum again, I've missed her heaps. Niall, Nina & I went to see Avatar 3D at the imax at 11.50pm, it was visually fucking stunning. It won't be as good on any other screen, cos the imax is huge and makes you feel like you're right in there. Got my daith pierced today courtesy of Nina, fucking killed and bled like a bitch, literally puddles of it collecting in my ear canal. Chilled tonight at home which was lush. Miss D far too much :(

IT SNOWED! Not enough to settle, thus no sledging or snowball fights, but it was still excellent. I'm cooking homemade lasagne and garlic bread for me and Davey tonight because it's our last night together for betwen 3-4 weeks :(

I've been out of bed since 8.45am, it's now 22.29. I have literally not moved from the sofa ALL day! Urgh, I should really eat and start to pack for going home and tidy my room before Davey gets here after work (God knows when that could be, anywhere between 23.00-2.00)! At least I ate something yesterday, takeaway pizza courtesy of D. Handed my script in yesterday, hopefully I'll get as good a mark on that as I did the treatment, only time will tell. Well, seen as I've not moved, I've nothing to report apart from that I have finally nearly finished reading a clockwork orange. Excellent film, excellent book!

3 years ago, when Marco & I broke up for the final time, after admitting to having kissed other people that weekend, I left him and got on the bus home. Besides me, there were only two people on the bus, the driver & a woman with a cane who looked to be in her 30s. I was crying my eyes out, trying to keep it to myself, but the woman came over and sat in front of me, turned to face me and asked me why I was crying. I told her, the whole thing actually...the abuse, the drugs, the destruction, the love etc. Then she took my hand and asked if she could pray for me. I didn't want to be rude so I said okay...she began asking God out loud, to help me grow stronger and to heal my pain etc. I felt a little awkward because I'm not religious, but overwhelmed that a stranger cared so much. I got off at my stop and as I was walking a long the street to my house I realised that I felt okay, 100% fine and weirdly warm in the winter air. But I still don't believe in religion.

Last night was a success! I pretty much cooked it single handedly, everything was done to perfection...especially the mash and roasties. Davey brought me my xmas present last night too, sweet thing, he snuck back to Topshop and bought this sweater that I fell in love with but couldn't afford <3 (Matt Hoffman's my new nickname it would appear) Speaking of David, he smoked far too much last night and whitied aha! Bless him, he was hiding under the blanket when I found him :p Lazy day today! Harry Potter marathon!

So holy shit! That exam wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be. Luckily subjectivity came up which is the only them I revised for. The essay I started the morning it was due, came back with 62% which is a 2:1, 8% less than top mark. My film treatment got 76% which is a 1st (bets you can gte, best mark in class) SCORE!!! Cooking xmas dinner for 6 today, then having flat party! Got D a solid brass zippo with his name engraved, he loved it.

Possibly my new favourite show to watch, I am in love woth Jason Segal & James Franco. However, it kept me awake till 5am THUS I slept in late and missed some quality 'revision' time. What that actually means is that I missed 2 hours of sitting staring at my notes then fucking about on the internet. First thing I did when I got up, besides storming across to the shop in my pjs for cigarettes, was ring the fucking gas/electric company to sort out this shit about a bill of £169 whihc they are sending the baliffs for. Luckily my mum took meter readings when I moved in so I could prove that we owed them sweet F.A I chewed the inside of my mouth to shreds last night, probably form nerves over this exam. I love this song! It's mine & D's.