Quest to find inner peace...
Listening to: Dreamer - Ozzy Osbourne

Feeling: Tears welling up behind my eyes as a headache brews like a violent storm in my mind, as I wait for my inevitable fate, the doomed academic existence that I have allowed so to falter, and the pain of knowing that if it weren't for this situation I would be at the point of achieving inner spiritual peace.

That said, I cry. *tears*

I tried cutting again tonight. No luck. Guess it's just a one-time thing. I probably won't even try it again.

Well, I finally got around to finishing my China map, but when I got nearly done, I became suddenly and painfully aware that my latitude lines were too curved, and that the whole thing doesn't fit together at all. So I'm back at square one, nothing done, no fun.

Nothing seems to be going right anymore. My social life is finally on the upswing, and I find myself completely devoid of happiness. If my school problems didn't exist, I swear to God, I would be at my happiest point, and instead I find myself at rock bottom. As I said earlier while crying and praying, "God, please listen... I'm in a very dark place... Can you please help me... Please?"

Then to reinforce it I wrote this:

God, please help, I can't get out

I'm trapped in sorrow, filled with doubt

There's no escape within my sight

Though the moon shines, I can't see its light

I don't know how you work or feel

Or even know that you are real

All I know is that I'm trapped

In this world of pain enwrapped

So here's my prayer, my final plea

That you may somehow come to me

And lead me out of this hideous void

That has somehow my life destroyed

I feel I've failed in school and life

I cannot solve this with a knife

I need your guidance out of here

I hope that you can make it clear

I know not what your feelings are

Only that I feel so far

From all the joy that I should feel

When pain is all I take as real

So please, I beg, come help me cope

Guide me on a shorter rope

Help me, that I may not stray

And make this sorrow go away

... Everything hurts my soul... It's 1:30 am, and I've got to be up in 5 hours... To go to school empty-handed. I have not done a single ounce of homework this weekend. And this was when I was going to get the last of it done... The last... There's no way out of this... I can't keep living like this, I don't know how to assert myself and start actually working, I can't commit suicide...

So here I am, at another one of my lowest points so far, another bump on the spiral downward, toward my ultimate fate, or my ultimate springboard to the light I cannot see. I can only hope and pray that it is the latter, and that on my reascent to the world I once knew, I will not hit my head on one of the precipices that I have so painfully hit on the way down.

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Comments
i need to apply myself with school work and shit as well...

life is just so hard. *sigh*
[xrazorxcutsx]
did you make up that prayer yourself!!?!!....Its pretty cool...although i've lost faith in him if i did still pray that is exactly what i would want to say..so n e ways gonna go look at the rest of your entries
I can relate a lot to this entry. I wish for things to work out for you. I know that is cliche, but sometimes knowing you aren't completely alone gives some hope. I'm a good listener if you ever need to vent to someone. Farewell and toodaloo.
[dori]
i love DREAMER..::..Ozzy
[hotelchic]
where did you get ur top left pic?
i love that guys pictures
[somethingelse]
It's always the depressing entries that get the comments, or so I've noticed.

I'm not leaving, I've just got a new name, I'd prefer a diary without the word 'misery' in the username..
I'm whiny enough as it is.
[purexmisery]
Little miss Beth, don't fret so much. Not worrying about things makes it easier to do them. also, stop talking to me and get some sleep!
-Scari
[anonymous (205.188.117.17)]
I can't get enough of the way you write, it's awesome..

And yeah, I have the same problems with school work, my solution is to just avoid school altogether, though. I hope yours is better/smarter, for your own sake..
[purexmisery]
grr... the thingie saved b4 i was done lol sry... anyways.

im not gana make myself a hypocrit and say cutting is bad...

but its prolly in ur best interest that it was a one time thing. lol i sound dumb.

but seriously... i have terrible scars from it and after a while it gets out of hand and semi- addictive.

well i dont wanna bore you... just wanted to say *hi*
[xrazorxcutsx]
Awww cheer up baby it'll get better!! *Hugs* I'm herer for you whenever you need to talk. And I know that god will always be to.BE HAPPY!
~*Daisy*~
[anonymous (64.12.117.17)]
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221 post(s)