Let's Play Master And Servant ^_^
Listening to: Breaking Benjamin - Enjoy the Silence (Depeche Mode Cover)
Feeling: congested

Yay for Depeche mode being everywhere (top of page, entry title, current music).

Anyway. I'm getting back into my stay-up-until-midnight-and-write phase. I LOVE BEING THIS WAY. Unfortunately my stay-up-until-midnight buddy (who reads instead of writing) hasn't been online much anymore.

I just finished writing two poems about a couple who was into S&M, but got separated by something they couldn't control and missed each other - one from each person's point of view. They are in a contest together ^_^ Yay for bondage. And read the comments on them! It explains stuff!

Part One (The Mistress)

Part Two (The Masochist)

Anyway... I've actually been doing my homework. Yesterday I came home, realized I didn't have any homework AT ALL because it was all finished, and went out for a walk in the Rare Seattle Winter Sun. I wandered down to the lake and watched the ducks for about 2 hours. They were mostly just sleeping. Then again, I'm easily amused. And it was so pretty and sunny, and warm if I stayed still on the bench...

I'm trying to become less dependent upon my friends. They tend to shrug me off or ditch me anyway, I'm a secondary objective to them... So yeah. I'm attempting to get back to the independent, somewhat sulky, semi-loner that I was in middle school. Only thing that will never change is Morgan being my best friend, though she's been threatening, and now I'm considering, giving up our friendship for Lent (even though I don't celebrate Lent, it sounds like a fun idea)... But this independence is really helping me be who I really am. Last night I was alone for four hours and for the most part had no one to talk to and nothing to do but listen to the music on tv. So I listened. And I found myself actually enjoying it. Deeply listening, learning, singing along... It was almost like the highs I used to get on my nights alone ... what, a year ago? I don't even think it was that long... Still, it's been an eternity within that time, if you know what I mean.

And then there's boys. Which is what I thought about most of the time I was at the lake... And what I've been thinking about all too much lately, obviously. Matt is my main interest, which grosses out all of my friends (except Carl who thinks I should go out with him but has an ulterior motive of wanting to make Matt be straight). But he's awesome. Bisexual, good hugger, friendly, creepy as all fuck, somewhat mentally challenged... All the things I look for in a guy ^_^ Really I just want someone, but the good hugger point is key, and I only know two really good huggers (one of whom is my best friend's brother - ew). Strangely, all the really amazing huggers I've ever known have been fairly ugly people... GOD DAMN IT I WANT A BOY. Preferably Matt because he's awesome.

Yeah, yeah, I know... My entries are really fucking long. DEAL WITH IT. Please read as much as you can bare to. I know it's dumb.

But show me some love - leave a comment. I'll be sure to give you a visit and say hi, if not something more meaningful.

Love, hugs, and peace to all, and sweet dreams... heh, 12:41 on a school night at present... May your sweetest of dreams become your truest of realities.

~ Beth

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Going back to old routines can be fun and sometimes depressing...I hope it's fun for you.
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Entry List
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morbid and persistent thoughts
X
uncertainty
I've Never Met an Ellen I...
How can you crave a drug...
Consent
Rambling nonsense
Social normz
Childhood Trauma Blues
Prediction
A funny thing
Goals to achieve before ten...
Coming out letter
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I swear, it was beautiful
Musings.
Detaching from Reality
Growth, so-called maturity,...
Amanda Palmer and Windstorms
Slow-Wave Sleep
Jingle Jangle
The Road
Emails, Blogs, Ephemera.
Naptime
Insomnia, Nausea, Head Trauma
Naptime
It seems like every time
It seems like every time
The Best And Worst Night of...
Insomnia Time
too tired to think of one.
Sweet dreams and flying...
Thank God it's Memorial Friday
Getting Back In Touch...
My dead end
Keep it to yourself
Boo, Hiss
Hover
I want to cry
Headaches
Still Anxious
Cakebeans
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Remind me to recommend this
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No-go on the cloves :(
Dreams...
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Ngwawgh
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I can't take this.
Whee, Killswitch...
It helps me breathe when I...
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No more faith in humanity
Glaaaarg
Today
Horus the Chorus
mommy's alright, daddy's...
Figured I might as well post...
I feel unwanted.
notes to self
fuuuuuuck (lunchtime)
Mmm, Disturbed
Hi Joey...........or whoever
This time I think it could be...
funny how you return to old...
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Notes to Self
Decade Day.
Tears from Australia
pencil erasers and football...
*clears throat*
cucarachbe?
timetimetime
Fizzy Love
Tell Me This Is All...
Bookworm
Re: Katrinam
I'd thought... but only a...
It seems that way, doesn't it?
No One Understands
More love for the school...
Tired Ramble
I'm...
Haha, yey
Soulmate Inquiries
Ugh
Old Scars Still Bleed??
Impaled by sense
Yeah...
End Transmission
pathetic whimpering quiz
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B&S
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my response to the anonymous...
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Spiritual Night
Boys Make Me Feel Good About...
I know you all have it
Show me what this life is all...
Eight Days Gone Is Good
Won't you dance with me?
Thought I'd something more to...
Inhale
I had a thought but then I...
Heart
I'm only gonna say this...
Embarking on another...
Nolan = Cute Boy ^_^ (but...
Turtles
Yeah. Emo Rant Time.
Today
I've been upgraded
...
A Story I made up talking to...
Still emo after all these...
I'm Reposting A Quiz
I hate everyone
Parents, Police, and other...
Eventful Sunday
Let's Play Master And Servant...
Boys Are Cute but Girls are...
Fukker
filler entry
Oh Shit, Perhaps?
My Two Cents You'll Never Get
DRUGS ARE BAD
I am Stalker Girl
Blind Date
All my anger, all my pain,...
blahbastardblah
Pathetic am I?
Meh
private entry...
Private entry...
Drowning in my shit
...
Empty throat lump
lost verbal ability
Well then
I miss my watch
Nintendo Fusion tour rocks.
Dannie is a Sexie Pixie
Another day could never be as...
Two Important Things
...
Fuckin' A
actual diary entry unlike...
No Smoking.
BUMBER MOTHER FUCKING SHOOT
Watching the Milk get Warm
Teens - this is a call to...
I'm losing substance...
HaHa!
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Some things I can't explain...
A lot has happened in the...
Quiz, part 2
Vague but true
HOLY SHIT IT'S A QUIZ
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I post lyrics, for once
A World Shaded In Dark Blue
Felt Like Updating...
Secrets in my garden shed...
No One Cares
BRAIN TRANSPLANT! WHOO!
Mushy boyfriend bs session
My new diary...
See top left
*tears*
despondence...
For Jacqueline (1807)
Complications
Hurt By The Cold
Sleep Deprivation
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Back To Old Defaults
Birthday Party
Quest to find inner peace...
I AM THE WALRUS
Happy
As if my own problems weren't...
Alone and Overburdened
I love how these things just...
Holy Inspiration.
Was going to post a quiz, but...
...
The Way I Write
I hate what I am
Night Time
Quiz Type Thing
My Clicker Isn't Working
Poem, Draft # 326
Dammit
Driftwood...
My Poetry
Nooses, knives, and other...
My Own Fault
Registration...
Quizzes
Music
New Layout...
Can't Wait to Die
HOLY FLAMING FUCK
32 is the evil number
Cut Off
Hellish Night
I spell knife knofe.
My Shoulder Itches
I don't update enough
Last few days...
Mweef
*tear*
Grrf
Fssshhh.
What the Hell?!
Purely A Quote
221 post(s)