Nolan = Cute Boy ^_^ (but that's got nought to do with't)
Listening to: Depeche Mode - Violator album
Feeling: hollow

I was just sitting here, typing away, thinking my thoughts, when it struck me.

An overwhelming urge.

I want to get drunk.

And right now it's all I can think about.

I am secretly depressed beneath my outer shell, so secretly that even I do not know it. I only say this because logically that must be why. Mustn't it? I hate drugs. I hate alcohol.

But do I hate myself? I... don't think so...

But it seems so clear right now. What I want, and what I want to do, is to get drunk, and stand up, and dance to this Depeche Mode music that I've got playing.

The music flows straight to my heart, which is warmed by the single swig of Kahlua I've just taken.

I can't drink any more of my grandma's alcohol, because she would know, and because I would feel guilty.

I'm already on probation for stealing alcohol I didn't steal.

Fucking paranoid parents. They yell at me for what I don't do, and I get away with everyhing.

I want to move to Australia. Or the Netherlands. Netherlands sounds so nice. Kind of like Neverland. Not the Michael Jackson one. The Peter Pan one. Where you never grow old and cynical and stupid.

I want to be in college. And rich enough to stay there for ten years. And party. With a good enough GPA that they won't kick me out.

It would be a dream come true.

Somebody, rescue me tonight.

~ Beth

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Comments
Believe me, you don't want to move to Australia.

[wallflower]
[anonymous (211.30.86.116)]
i like ur diary...hott guy pic!!
[ilovebrianx3]
I love you, I'm sorry I was gone, I was hurt, spiritually.
[wereover]
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Entry List
blank
morbid and persistent thoughts
X
uncertainty
I've Never Met an Ellen I...
How can you crave a drug...
Consent
Rambling nonsense
Social normz
Childhood Trauma Blues
Prediction
A funny thing
Goals to achieve before ten...
Coming out letter
blank
I swear, it was beautiful
Musings.
Detaching from Reality
Growth, so-called maturity,...
Amanda Palmer and Windstorms
Slow-Wave Sleep
Jingle Jangle
The Road
Emails, Blogs, Ephemera.
Naptime
Insomnia, Nausea, Head Trauma
Naptime
It seems like every time
It seems like every time
The Best And Worst Night of...
Insomnia Time
too tired to think of one.
Sweet dreams and flying...
Thank God it's Memorial Friday
Getting Back In Touch...
My dead end
Keep it to yourself
Boo, Hiss
Hover
I want to cry
Headaches
Still Anxious
Cakebeans
blank
Remind me to recommend this
blank
No-go on the cloves :(
Dreams...
blank
Ngwawgh
blank
I can't take this.
Whee, Killswitch...
It helps me breathe when I...
blank
No more faith in humanity
Glaaaarg
Today
Horus the Chorus
mommy's alright, daddy's...
Figured I might as well post...
I feel unwanted.
notes to self
fuuuuuuck (lunchtime)
Mmm, Disturbed
Hi Joey...........or whoever
This time I think it could be...
funny how you return to old...
blank
Notes to Self
Decade Day.
Tears from Australia
pencil erasers and football...
*clears throat*
cucarachbe?
timetimetime
Fizzy Love
Tell Me This Is All...
Bookworm
Re: Katrinam
I'd thought... but only a...
It seems that way, doesn't it?
No One Understands
More love for the school...
Tired Ramble
I'm...
Haha, yey
Soulmate Inquiries
Ugh
Old Scars Still Bleed??
Impaled by sense
Yeah...
End Transmission
pathetic whimpering quiz
blank
B&S
blank
my response to the anonymous...
blank
Spiritual Night
Boys Make Me Feel Good About...
I know you all have it
Show me what this life is all...
Eight Days Gone Is Good
Won't you dance with me?
Thought I'd something more to...
Inhale
I had a thought but then I...
Heart
I'm only gonna say this...
Embarking on another...
Nolan = Cute Boy ^_^ (but...
Turtles
Yeah. Emo Rant Time.
Today
I've been upgraded
...
A Story I made up talking to...
Still emo after all these...
I'm Reposting A Quiz
I hate everyone
Parents, Police, and other...
Eventful Sunday
Let's Play Master And Servant...
Boys Are Cute but Girls are...
Fukker
filler entry
Oh Shit, Perhaps?
My Two Cents You'll Never Get
DRUGS ARE BAD
I am Stalker Girl
Blind Date
All my anger, all my pain,...
blahbastardblah
Pathetic am I?
Meh
private entry...
Private entry...
Drowning in my shit
...
Empty throat lump
lost verbal ability
Well then
I miss my watch
Nintendo Fusion tour rocks.
Dannie is a Sexie Pixie
Another day could never be as...
Two Important Things
...
Fuckin' A
actual diary entry unlike...
No Smoking.
BUMBER MOTHER FUCKING SHOOT
Watching the Milk get Warm
Teens - this is a call to...
I'm losing substance...
HaHa!
blank
Some things I can't explain...
A lot has happened in the...
Quiz, part 2
Vague but true
HOLY SHIT IT'S A QUIZ
blank
I post lyrics, for once
A World Shaded In Dark Blue
Felt Like Updating...
Secrets in my garden shed...
No One Cares
BRAIN TRANSPLANT! WHOO!
Mushy boyfriend bs session
My new diary...
See top left
*tears*
despondence...
For Jacqueline (1807)
Complications
Hurt By The Cold
Sleep Deprivation
blank
Back To Old Defaults
Birthday Party
Quest to find inner peace...
I AM THE WALRUS
Happy
As if my own problems weren't...
Alone and Overburdened
I love how these things just...
Holy Inspiration.
Was going to post a quiz, but...
...
The Way I Write
I hate what I am
Night Time
Quiz Type Thing
My Clicker Isn't Working
Poem, Draft # 326
Dammit
Driftwood...
My Poetry
Nooses, knives, and other...
My Own Fault
Registration...
Quizzes
Music
New Layout...
Can't Wait to Die
HOLY FLAMING FUCK
32 is the evil number
Cut Off
Hellish Night
I spell knife knofe.
My Shoulder Itches
I don't update enough
Last few days...
Mweef
*tear*
Grrf
Fssshhh.
What the Hell?!
Purely A Quote
221 post(s)