No more faith in humanity
Listening to: NIN - Hurt (in my head, sadly I have no headphones to listen on)
Feeling: abandoned

You can have it all, my empire of dirt... but I will let you down; I will make you hurt.

I need a cigarette. Better yet some pills (more concealable/easy to take/longer, stronger effects).

I give up. On dieting? Well maybe on the anorexic style of it. I want to say fuck it altogether.

I wish a lot of things. They're not worth the thought unless I decide they're worth the effort.

Piers, for example... I still have no idea what to do or say... I still don't even know what I think, what I want. I want to help him really live. But I don't know how. I probably can't. I hope someone can. He's the only smile I've had in the last couple weeks.

Well, other than Messner. But not much of that either.

And then there's last night:

streetmusician23: *sigh* I miss our good-old-days

xxpirategirl: how so?

xxpirategirl: what were the "good ol' days"?

streetmusician23: middle school I guess

streetmusician23: laughter

streetmusician23: serious religion and suicide talks

streetmusician23: back before I was french inhaling 100s and blowing smoke rings in the dark wondering why I'm still alive

streetmusician23: oh well, at least I've got a buzz for the next 2 minutes

streetmusician23: then what? Oh I guess I'll smoke some more and try to forget what normal life feels like

streetmusician23: (back when I could talk to you like this and get a concerned response)

xxpirategirl: YOU CAN BLOW SMOKE RINGS?!?!?!?!

streetmusician23: yeah because I FUCKING SMOKE SO MUCH

streetmusician23: goddamnit

streetmusician23: back when we used to talk on the phone until 1 or 2 or 3 am or whenever they caught us and kicked us off (and sometimes again after that)

streetmusician23: back when I felt I really had a friend

streetmusician23: when I could tell secrets to my mom

streetmusician23: without being afraid (that she can't take it, that she'll tell, that she'll be delusional, that she'll hit me)

xxpirategirl: HOW'D YOU LEARN TO BLOW SMOKE RINGS!?!??!

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Entry List
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morbid and persistent thoughts
X
uncertainty
I've Never Met an Ellen I...
How can you crave a drug...
Consent
Rambling nonsense
Social normz
Childhood Trauma Blues
Prediction
A funny thing
Goals to achieve before ten...
Coming out letter
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I swear, it was beautiful
Musings.
Detaching from Reality
Growth, so-called maturity,...
Amanda Palmer and Windstorms
Slow-Wave Sleep
Jingle Jangle
The Road
Emails, Blogs, Ephemera.
Naptime
Insomnia, Nausea, Head Trauma
Naptime
It seems like every time
It seems like every time
The Best And Worst Night of...
Insomnia Time
too tired to think of one.
Sweet dreams and flying...
Thank God it's Memorial Friday
Getting Back In Touch...
My dead end
Keep it to yourself
Boo, Hiss
Hover
I want to cry
Headaches
Still Anxious
Cakebeans
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Remind me to recommend this
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No-go on the cloves :(
Dreams...
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Ngwawgh
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I can't take this.
Whee, Killswitch...
It helps me breathe when I...
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No more faith in humanity
Glaaaarg
Today
Horus the Chorus
mommy's alright, daddy's...
Figured I might as well post...
I feel unwanted.
notes to self
fuuuuuuck (lunchtime)
Mmm, Disturbed
Hi Joey...........or whoever
This time I think it could be...
funny how you return to old...
blank
Notes to Self
Decade Day.
Tears from Australia
pencil erasers and football...
*clears throat*
cucarachbe?
timetimetime
Fizzy Love
Tell Me This Is All...
Bookworm
Re: Katrinam
I'd thought... but only a...
It seems that way, doesn't it?
No One Understands
More love for the school...
Tired Ramble
I'm...
Haha, yey
Soulmate Inquiries
Ugh
Old Scars Still Bleed??
Impaled by sense
Yeah...
End Transmission
pathetic whimpering quiz
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B&S
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my response to the anonymous...
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Spiritual Night
Boys Make Me Feel Good About...
I know you all have it
Show me what this life is all...
Eight Days Gone Is Good
Won't you dance with me?
Thought I'd something more to...
Inhale
I had a thought but then I...
Heart
I'm only gonna say this...
Embarking on another...
Nolan = Cute Boy ^_^ (but...
Turtles
Yeah. Emo Rant Time.
Today
I've been upgraded
...
A Story I made up talking to...
Still emo after all these...
I'm Reposting A Quiz
I hate everyone
Parents, Police, and other...
Eventful Sunday
Let's Play Master And Servant...
Boys Are Cute but Girls are...
Fukker
filler entry
Oh Shit, Perhaps?
My Two Cents You'll Never Get
DRUGS ARE BAD
I am Stalker Girl
Blind Date
All my anger, all my pain,...
blahbastardblah
Pathetic am I?
Meh
private entry...
Private entry...
Drowning in my shit
...
Empty throat lump
lost verbal ability
Well then
I miss my watch
Nintendo Fusion tour rocks.
Dannie is a Sexie Pixie
Another day could never be as...
Two Important Things
...
Fuckin' A
actual diary entry unlike...
No Smoking.
BUMBER MOTHER FUCKING SHOOT
Watching the Milk get Warm
Teens - this is a call to...
I'm losing substance...
HaHa!
blank
Some things I can't explain...
A lot has happened in the...
Quiz, part 2
Vague but true
HOLY SHIT IT'S A QUIZ
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I post lyrics, for once
A World Shaded In Dark Blue
Felt Like Updating...
Secrets in my garden shed...
No One Cares
BRAIN TRANSPLANT! WHOO!
Mushy boyfriend bs session
My new diary...
See top left
*tears*
despondence...
For Jacqueline (1807)
Complications
Hurt By The Cold
Sleep Deprivation
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Back To Old Defaults
Birthday Party
Quest to find inner peace...
I AM THE WALRUS
Happy
As if my own problems weren't...
Alone and Overburdened
I love how these things just...
Holy Inspiration.
Was going to post a quiz, but...
...
The Way I Write
I hate what I am
Night Time
Quiz Type Thing
My Clicker Isn't Working
Poem, Draft # 326
Dammit
Driftwood...
My Poetry
Nooses, knives, and other...
My Own Fault
Registration...
Quizzes
Music
New Layout...
Can't Wait to Die
HOLY FLAMING FUCK
32 is the evil number
Cut Off
Hellish Night
I spell knife knofe.
My Shoulder Itches
I don't update enough
Last few days...
Mweef
*tear*
Grrf
Fssshhh.
What the Hell?!
Purely A Quote
221 post(s)