I don't have privacy over at melo anymore. Nope. I'm having a good night. You know...I love the feeling of being used [sarcasm]....I love the way I think that if I give him what he wants, that he will someday maybe open his motherfucking eyes and realize what he has right in front of him. I'm done. He can go find another person to use. I'm over it. So done. I'm sending him an email in a sec telling him I can't do that anymore. Won't be his fallback plan anymore. He's not getting anything else from me. Fuck that. ugh.

Since a lot of my friends have found my page on melodramatic.com ...I need to write somewhere where I might have a little more privacy. I can't believe that I've neglected this page...I've had it FOREVER!!!! But anyways...Nothing much has been going on..Still seeing Jose. Last night while I was finishing up at work, He asked me if I would ever marry him. I just laughed it off. He would never get married. He's not the marrying type..I dunno..I have to go to work at 5 O_O...I close and I'm really not looking foward to it at all. anyways, I think that I'm going to go lay down and rest for a while before work. I'll update again tomarrow I guess.

I think I got your cold. Damnit damnit. 2 days and counting. .dances a little bit. :D :D :D :D

cramps freakin suck i think boys should get them too grr. ♥ Krystal

ive had a really really bad morning. me and my parents got into it. this time was really bad. the words that were said cut real deep. my mom said that the only reason my grandma paid any attention to me was because she felt sorry for me because i was overweight. that really hurts. i cant stop crying. i dont know if it hurts more for my mom to say that my grandma only felt sorry for me, or if it hurts because my mom made fun of my weight problem once again.but i love my grandma to death and i miss her so much..how can my mom say something like that???!?!?!? i dont know what to think/do...im not trying to be all emo or anything..but its just real sucky right now. and its not like i have anyone to talk to about this. seems like all my friends have disappeard. i really could use a friend right now. i dont know. ugh. this is so terrible. ive come to a point where id rather live in my car than live with my parents any longer. i dont know anymore Krystal

how sad. im gone for a couple of months, and everyones got me deleted from their friends list. sad indeed. well i guess i can catch up on whats been going on in the past months....umm umm...ok..so i remember writing about how i was moving to Glorieta..well i was there for about two weeks, messed up my back pretty bad...and i had to come home. i did a bunch of physical therapy sessions..but they didnt seem to be working. i had an mri done and the doctor said that i have a herniated disk in my back..and my disk is degenerating(?) and yeah...so that really sucks. and then all summer, i didnt have my car. it really sucked ass...and finally i found me a job working as a waitress at pizza hut. i like it a lot. although i butt heads with a lot of my employees. but hey..its a job. and i got my car back running and stuff. im happy about that. me and my boyfriend are still together. we are still having some hard times, but i think that we will pull through. for a while there, i didnt think that i wanted to be with him anymore. at times i dont. but i do love him, even though it might feel like im not "in love" with him. he lives an hour away from me though. which really bothers me. i only get to see him about once a week. for a while there, i made a new friend. his name is Mike. i really started to like him as more than a friend...but he made it very clear that he doesnt want anything more than a friendship [this was going on while me and Jose were fighting and not talking]...and he said that he just wanted to be on the "down low"...i still like him, and it sucks that we cant have something more...but then again, im already with someone..and i dont wanna hurt Jose. as you can see, my life is really complicated. im not going to college anymore. im on academic probation..so im going to be taking a couple of semesters off...and figure out what to do with my life before i go back to school. i dunno. well anyways..i dont know what else to write about, so im going to end here for now. Krystal

so i hope that everyones night went really good last night. i didnt do anything this year. i was pretty sick yesturday..and i fell asleep at around 8. then i woke up at like 10:30 from a deep sleep...and my head was pounding. and i was sweating pretty bad. i think that i had a fever last night. ugh. i was just soo miserable. and then i couldnt even get back to sleep until around 3 this morning. my head was hurting that bad. and plus i was sick to my stomach. i was bad enough that i was about to wake someone up to take me to the emergency room. thats how horrible i felt. but anyways...im just glad that im feeling better today than i was yesturday. i have to go to work tonight at 5. fun stuff. well my hand is falling asleep while im typing this...so i think that im going to end here. Krystal

i havent been on here in forever it seems like. i think that i might retire this diary. its not like anyone reads it anyways. i dunno. im on melo a lot now. but yeah, i just wanted to let everyone know that im still alive. Krystal

...Or that's what it feels like. ...other than that im great! ♥ Krystal

well last night i talked to him. i blurted it out in the middle of a conversation that i thought we should take a break for a bit....and we talked about it for a while. and he agreed that he wont push it on me anymore about making the relationship more serious [about the living with him and stuff]...and he said that if time is really what i need, then he will wait for me. but then i agreed that if we took it slow, we wouldnt take a break..because..really i dont want to break up with him. i just need some space to where i can get my life situated again. [if that makes any sense at all]...but to make a long story short, we are still together... other than that, not much has been going on. yesturday i went down to fill out some applications and stuff. oh and i went to see a movie last night. we saw madagascar or however you spell it..it was a cute movie :P but then again im a kid at heart..haha... Krystal

my day yesturday was pretty shitty. and my night was worse. my dad told me that he thinks that im bipolar :/ i hope not. but yeah..i basically just cried myself to sleep last night. since ive been back, i havent been the same..me and my parents are butting heads a lot lately. ugh. i dunno..things just arent very good right now. oh and get this. since ive been really shitty lately, i was going to call my boyfriend last night..and my mom had the phone disconnected. she wouldnt even let me talk to him. i was pissed. well i was going to call him to tell him that i need to break up with him. i cant give him what he wants out of the relationship..i cant offer it to him. i need to separate from him for a while to see if i can get up on my feet and make my life better. he deserves someone who can give him what i cant. i dont deserve him anyways. and i dont know how to tell him this. i go to tell him, and i chicken out and dont say anything at all. i dunno..i guess i feel that he can do so much better than me. im at a point in my life where i dont know what to do..im so confused right now. ugh. well i need to think before i do something i might regret... Krystal

my eyes are fucking itching me. damn allergies. but anyways, so i went to meet stella at her work to see if she wanted to go walking around..and well lets just say that louis and her were already together. so i guess they were going on a hike or something and well...i didnt get invited. go figure. oh and when i came in here to check my email, josh told me that i have mail down at the coral. i freakin hope that it was from Jose *melts*...i miss him so much. and to think that i dont get to see him again until August 14th...wow that is about to kill me. haha. but im pretty sure that it is just going to be the damn bank statement. im hoping and praying that its from him. haha. i havent talked to him in over a week, and well, im really homesick and missing him *le sigh*.. ok so its bugging me on who i got mail from, so i think im going to go down to the coral and see who its from. yay Krystal

ive had a pretty ok day considering how bad my head has been hurting. Stella met these one guys up here today, and we are going to go hang out with him tonight. im pretty excited because..damn..the one of the guys that i saw is a looker..lemme tell u. haha. i hope it turns out to be a good night. ohhhhhh...i have to write about this..haha.. last night i got to meet this one guy that works up here. his name is Isaiak or however you spell his name..but yeah. i hope we can at least become good friends because hes awesome. i wouldnt mind dating him either. haha. maybe thats because im just lonely up here or something, but for reals..hes not like the other guys up here. hes actually different. and i really want to get to know him. but yeah..thats enough of me sounding like a 6th grader with a crush..lmao.. oh and yeah..my ear hurts :/ i think im getting an ear infection or something. i dunno though. i hope not. well im going to go get ready for tonight. cus like ya know..i need to make a good impression..lol jk. Krystal

im so depressed right now. and i cant believe how stupid ass Louis had to get additude with me. damnit i just want to hit something/one.. oh and guess what?! i injured my back the other day and my boss doesnt want me working for him anymore. he said that i need to get a doctors note and find me another job. i cant fucking believe him. i just need to curl up and cry right now and to top all that off, my fucking cramps wont go away :/

things are better. it was altitude sickness yesturday. really sucky. oh and i met a really awesome guy last night. his name is Chris and hes from georgia. i absolutely love his accent :P....but yeah... oh and the only bad thing is...im cramping, and i have no cash to go get midol *dies* well im off to go find some water. Krystal

i want to go home. :/ i think i got the flu or something. im not used to having to take care of myself when im sick. haha. but yeah. it sucks because i have a fever or something. i dunno. today has just sucked a lot of ass. ugh. i dont know why i moved 8 hours away. i miss my family. yes. i know. im so negative right now, but it will pass [hopefully]

im still here. i dont have time to update this much, but im up by Santa Fe. its pretty nice up here. well i haveta go. updates later. Krystal

yo yo yoness ♥ yeah, im weird. you dont have to remind me :P

omg my whole body is like really sore right now :/ lol.. my weekend was fawking awesome...lol...i ended up standing my date up (i feel horrible about it), but it was the thing to do. i hope that we can still be friends *crosses fingers* i really hope so. but anyways, i ended up going out to the dunes with Eddie and Stella because this weekend was the poker run and we wanted to go hang out with everyone that went to race this weekend... :P. we took his jeep. we went to this huge ass party out there. it was fun. we set off sobe bombs. haha :P it was awesome. and then stella wanted to go rompin, so of course eddie will give her whatever she wants. haha. so we went down a bunch of dirt roads out in the desert, and all of a sudden, we ended up being on the fourwheeler track :/ i thought i was going to die. one point on the whole adventure, eddie decides that he wants to speed up on the track, and all of a sudden we hit this ramp and i swear to you that we caught air cus i flew up and i hit the roof, and then we hit the ground hard. i was about in tears at this point. lol. ive never done that before so it was freakin scary. lmao. anyways. it took us like a long time to get off the track, and it was the bumpiest track ive ever been on in like my whole life..the whole time i was squeezing the seat in front of me so i wouldnt be flying around the backseat....haha :/..lol. but it was fun. we finally found our way out.and then we got lost there for a little while. oh and we got stuck in the sand cus his damn jeep decided that it wanted to lose its fourwheel drive there for a second. lol. but we stayed out there for a while and then left. i had to tell eddie to pull the jeep over like 3 times cus i had to puke. that part was no fun. but yeah. that was my saturday night. :P friday night sucked cus all i did was take my little brother to the fair. i left early cus it sucked a lot of ass. lol. and then on sunday all i did was go to church and came home. nothing too exciting on sunday. ok on comedy central theres this dude stephen lynch who plays gutiar and sings his skits. he's spiffy, just read. SPECIAL FRED When I was, A boy of ten I had a very best friend Fred was kind with good intent but just a little different Oooh, Special Fred mama dropped him on his head now he's not so bright instead he's a little bit special just a little bit We'd play tag and he'd get hurt I'd play a soldier he'd eat dirt I liked math, and spelling bees fred liked talking to a tree ooh special Fred Mama dropped him on his head now she keeps him in the shed cuz he's a little bit special just a little bit I ran track, hung out at malls fred ran headfirst into walls I had girls and lots of clothes fred had names for all his toes ooh special fred mama dropped him on his head now he thinks he's a piece of bread cuz he's a little bit special just a little bit one day, when talking to special fred, he grabbed a brick and he swung at my head and as he laughed at me that's when I knew special fred just made me special toooo! Now I laugh as I count bugs I give strangers great big hugs next to me, fred is fine yeah, he's a fuckin Einstein ooh special fred, now we're not right in the head now we're not so bright instead we're a little bit special just a little bit special that fucker fred made me special just a little bit

i turned the big 20 yesturday. im old now :/ lol..well ill update with details later. Krystal