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Friends of Daysleeper

Life Goes Something Like This...

Bipolar. Borderline Personality Disorder. Complex PTSD.

I'm 23.

Two kids. Future Husband.


Follow me...


3849 hit(s) (0 comments) | Say.  
dearest rach
Feeling: tortured

dearest rach-

there are no words to describe how worried and sick i feel right now. everything that could go wrong is running through my head at the highest velocity possible. i cant help but think that if you're hurt then it's my fault. horrible things wont stop harassing my eyes; your father doing something again, you hurting yourself to the point of no return, someone else harming you. its becoming unbearable. i dont know what i would do if i lost you, my dearest dearest rachael. i love you so much; you have absolutely no idea how much i care for you. i feel like we're connected somehow. like we were meant to met and help each other. these minutes wont go by quick enough so that i can run home and get on msn to hopefully see you on there and be reassured that you, my darling rachael, my sister, my better half, are ok. i would be dead without you. i cannot stand the thought of losing you. i cant bear to even think of that because i fear that i will break down and cry until i cant cry anymore. i cant lose you, too. no, not you. you're too important to me. i've already lost someone important to me, but they aren't nearly as important to you. i'm praying to a false god that i've never believed in that nothing is wrong and that you're just in one of those moods where you say things that you dont mean. oh my god rachael, im dying right now not knowing whats going on with you. i swear that i would do anything to help you! i would sell drugs, i would steal, i would sell myself to drunk men on the streets, i would kill to help you and make sure that you were ok. if you need to get away from there, i will work anyway possible until i have enough money to fly you over here, just to make sure that you are safe and ok. i would die for you rachael. i love you so much. god, i hope that you are ok. . .please tell me that you are ok and that nothing has happened to you. please, just leave me at least one word telling me that you're ok. please, oh god, please let you be ok. . .

i love you more than any words can say


11914 hit(s) (2 comments) | otep saves  
to question what is unknown

to question what is unknown is moto, but to question what is known is key. i came up with that in my Sophmore year. I'm going to start updating. probaly adding more pictures. i finaly got some of me. yeah!

1496 hit(s) (1 comments) | can u hear me now?  

Two months later and you're still all I can think about.

I just want my life back.

Today I am going to some Animania festival thing with Rachel and her fiance. Exciting. Tomorrow, nothing, next day charles' piercing maybe, next day, nothing, next day jason webley show. Woot. And all this, all of this, is without you, but you're the only one I will be thinking about, wondering where you are and who you love now.

And then I see you, and it only makes things worse. Like yesterday at the movies, when you got mad for the silliest of things (and okay, I did too) and I can just never work out if you want me around or not. You call it paranoia, I call it being constantly insulted and then wondering why. What the fuck.

This is us a few weeks before we broke up the first time.

Me, taking pregnancy tests and texting you the result.

You, drunk on a bus home from a party you didn't invite me to (okay, so I didn't know the girl, so?), too freaked out to text back.

This is me a few days before, wondering if I am pregnant because my period is god knows how many days or weeks late and trying on bras and thinking only of you, buying condoms and shampoo, and you sitting at home watching tv and not even thinking about it. Probably talking to your best friend who you are now in love with more than you ever loved me.

I always loved you too much. I was always too obsessed. I was then and I am now. And thousands upon thousands of buckets of wishes on shooting stars could not change that. I should know, I have tried.

2124 hit(s) (1 comments) | O____o  
about him

Nibbles427: i would have come up during lunch but mike was there.. and he's kind of a jerk.

Nibbles427: :(

m3andth3m00n: hes more of kind of a jerk

m3andth3m00n: i remember once i got drunk and he tried to take advantage of me

Nibbles427: awwww what happened?

m3andth3m00n: i dont remember this but i guess my friend damian had to get him away from me cuz he was trying to like go up my shirt

m3andth3m00n: okay do you know maegan?

Nibbles427: yes

m3andth3m00n: red hair really pretty?

m3andth3m00n: okay

m3andth3m00n: well

m3andth3m00n: they've been having a think on and off since last year

m3andth3m00n: he keeps playing with her head

m3andth3m00n: he uses her for sex.

m3andth3m00n: thats all he uses girls for

m3andth3m00n: is sex.

m3andth3m00n: and every girl he dates he cheats on

Nibbles427: awwwwwwwwww that i didn't know.. i like her too. guys like that should die.

m3andth3m00n: maegan was so much cool before she had sex with him. i've kind of stopped talking to her about it. because she knows he uses her but she still has it in her mind that he cares about her. which he doesnt

954 hit(s) (0 comments) | Shoot a S.T.A.R  
Listening to: Mettalica
Feeling: fabulous

Got me a new amp

Actual price

Head - £550

Cab - £500

Cable - £24

Sale price i got it for









oooooooh yeeeeah =D

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

mmmm a mute/solo pedal, meaning if i need a quick noise shut off, just knock that down, and also when i take out the lead will not get nay annoying noises, and the solo adds about 12Bdz mmmm nice

By the way her name is Drucila, cuz i kinda name all my equipment

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

^This is Dru and animal^

Image hosting by Photobucket

^This is Dru and my old amp Tom (names after Rosy's brother) notice the size difference =P

5753 hit(s) (2 comments) | Message after beep  
like whoa

Hello there!

Things are a little different

But still the same.

My own two-bedroom apartment

Got engaged

Grduated from college

Became an assistant at my work

I need a new job though

A career

Advice: Do not become an anthropology major. There are no jobs!

1920 hit(s) (1 comments) | leave comment  
Listening to: bubble toes
Feeling: horny

I feel fucking great again. I bought some weed cause I smoked all that was given to me. I smoked quite a bit of it already though. I wish I werent single but that is not an option. I am the best at work whenever I drink a sobe no fear. Sobe make ou feel good. I have a sobe cap with that on it. It is the only one I kept. I am thinking about get my rings cleaned and start wearing them again. Show the boys I know how ta make some girls go wild. Too bad those girls aren't always the good ones. I am now listening to marijuanaville. I love this song. I like bubble toes better though. I remember how we just used be friends wouldn't give me none but all I wanted was some. lol thats a line from it. I think its funny cause it eems the opposite for me. I was eating down at the DLG when this little girl came and she sat next me never seen nobody move like she did but she did and she does and she'll do it again. I like that line for some reason. I am bored again but I still feel good. I have decided to take care of what needs to be taken care of. Then only do what I want. I have felt so good since a couple of nights ago. Someone should talk to me right now.

Your death will be by disappearing, probably a camping trip gone wrong or an evening hike you never returned from.

Disappear 87%

Stabbed 80%

Suicide 73%

Drowning 67%

Eaten 60%

Accident 53%

Bomb 53%

Suffocated 40%

Disease 40%

Posion 27%

Natural Causes 27%

Cut Throat 20%

Gunshot 20%

Wow that is a lot of ways to die. lol. I told ya I would end up dissapearing.

"whats wrong with me?" Thats the entry.

3337 hit(s) (16 comments) | bait my brain  

for all those people who read this:

fuck you

and i mean you.

3393 hit(s) (0 comments) | leave comment  
I repeat please tell me that you won't do anything.

So. I would like to say that I'm not being emo or anything.

My life is fucking horrible.

1.) I have no place of my own to stay. I'm crashing with family.

2.) I'm so beyond broke.

3.) I have no dad anymore. (not that he was a good dad or that i want to see him, but still...)

4.) My kitty ran away =[

5.) And to top off this lovely cake I call my life, I'm 5,000 miles away from all of my friends.

None of this would really bother me if I could see my friends. I just feel so completely alone. My life has completely fallen apart and I just don't know how to put it back together. I hope to god that I just don't wake up tomorrow ='[

8542 hit(s) (1 comments) | Rip My Heart Out  
where to go

it's all different now

788 hit(s) (1 comments) | Integrate  
Apples Nearest the Tree

I have officially purchased my ticket to Chicago. 

One of my thematic life problems is I always second guess everything. Today I got a little hint as to why. I tell my dad that I'm going to get the ticket. Keep in mind a few weeks ago he was helping me look for one at a good price and said he might use his time share deal to get us a hotel. Then today he says "Are you sure you want to do this without a back up?" and "Are you sure he can't just come here?"

A back up? What kind of back up? how exactly does he think I'm going to "hedge my bet" on going to visit this guy? Why is he trying to cast doubt!? It's just his nature and he's where I got it from. And why on earth would he or I want him to come here!? I live in a town notorious for having nothing interesting to do. Why would he spend hundreds of dollars on a plane ticket to come to the town he hated so much he moved? Why would we do this especially when for the same price we can go somewhere interesting, do fun things, and have a holiday weekend?! True, if he came here it would save us money since we wouldn't need a hotel.... but then we'd be in my studio apartment in the ghetto... WHY?! 

Additionally this is our reuniting trip. We want to have fun and just enjoy ourselves on our own. If he came here- my parents would want us to spend time with them.... not that I'm against that in theory but... I haven't seen the dude in approaching a year, I don't want to SHARE him!  His family wants me to go there to his town and we don't want to for the same reason AND he doesn't have his house yet so he's staying with his aunt and uncle who are very conservative so he would have to sleep on the COUCH and I'd sleep in his bed alone.....not really what I had in mind lol. 


We're going to have so much fun. This kind of trip is why I like this guy in the first place- he does things, he plans things, he takes initiative, he consults with me. He wants to do things.  

I'm nervous, excieted, anxious.... something tends to go wrong so... but this is going to just all go right.

11 hit(s) (0 comments) | What say you?  


It was euphoric walking across that stage.

I fucking graduated high school.


2332 hit(s) (3 comments) | Elaborate.  

What in the hell kind of world do I live in where I can seriously lay in my bed bawling because I feel too fat, gross and pale to be worth loving?

Jesus christ.

1732 hit(s) (1 comments) | Leave comments  
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