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Health Degrees
Piano Lessons

Friends of Hellboy

Tweaker Nation
Listening to: the sounds of the library
Feeling: abnormal

glass pipes dressed in white.

denial is the strongest drug.

he comes. he goes. he forgets. and then he knows.

fading back and forth and forth and back.

and again.

i say come back home.

the streets are a lonely place. where wolves lie in wait.

zombies. walking around speaking gibberish to themselves.

drooling curse words. and begging for change. money. that is. not real. tangible change.

welcome to tweaker nation.

north las vegas blvd is key.

he locks himself up with strangers in a room to ingest. digest. to breathe in those poisinous fumes.

he was gone 4 days the last time.

and i drank my time away. not caring.

he showed up on and off.

eyes bugged out. jaw grinding anger.

accusations of cheating. accusations of paranoia. of delusion.

all because. he loves those fumes.


given to him by scum that roam these streets here.

we/re in the lowest of the low.

but life is possible.

family is possible.

my riot. my shy. my ruckus.

deserve more.

more from both of us.

i drink to numb the pain.

he smokes to bring the pain.

a cycle.

a hamster wheel.

of hatred and resentment.

piling up like bones in a grave.

dug too deep.

and too wide.


i will remain hopeful.

i will find my faith.

i will trust.

i will remain.

almost. tactfully. sane.

i pray for the company he keeps.

i hope he can stay clean while wandering our streets.

i can/t keep him safe all of the time.


i can do my best.

i pray that this is the last.

very last.





268 hit(s) (4 comments) | Fauck You  
Listening to: n/a
Feeling: happy

You Are 49% AmericanAmerica: You don't love it or want to leave it.

But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over.

On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead...

And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!

How American Are You?

Wow.... Jerrod kissed me last nite.... I guess I need to update a lil bit so after the last entry happened or w/e me and him had been talkin as friends or w/e like normal i guess and he apologized for believing her ova me all the times he did it and it made me happy that he finally believed me and was apologizing for being stupid.

So then we were talkin or w/e and Tiffanie, one of my best friends, out of no where saids ya'll should date and she hates the thought of us being together so i thought it was funna and i told him what she said and he was like yea maybe we should so I wasn't really sure wat to do cuz I like him but I don't want to be anything more then friends so we talked about it and decided to try it out.

So we've been hangin out and stuff and last nite i went with him and a friend of his, sam, to a haunted town and they wigged me out and stuff and they were drinking and i was like nope alcohol is bad lol then when we got back to my truck it was like pouring rain and he was going to jump out and unlock my truck for me so i wouldn't have to get that wet but then i unlocked it w/ the button lol but isn't that sweet? so then we jumped out in the rain and i like opened my door and he was like libby so i turned and gave him a hug and kissied his cheek then he turned my face and well yea... it was sweet and in the rain :) but im out.. i just thought I'd fill ya'll in Love ya'll xoxo -Elizabeth

1094 hit(s) (0 comments) | suprise.me!  
Listening to: OR NOT

He broke up with me on my voicemail the other day... "Fuckin Kick rocks, it's over" and he broke up with me because apparently I had all night to hang out with him and I just got around to seeing him at about ten... He didn't break up with me when I cheated on him with his friend... whom I have no feelings for... who I am not even mildly attracted to and seriously hate!!! I was fucked up and not thinking. I'm so goddamned attracted to Brandon it's ridiculous... I don't know why I even like him. I could get someone to treat me better easily... my friend beth even said something about me being single and I KID YOU NOT a blond haired hottie tellin my friends " oh, she's hot" he's a virgin. He's gorgeous. I don't really know if Brandon and I are broken up... I don't want it to be over. I don't care if he treats me like shit, which he has yet to do but even he's told me he isn't the nicest to SOME of his girlfriends. It's ok though, I boxed my recent ex so it's all good, I can take ya. But I feel comfortable around him, I mean nothing like John, but there's one thing that could not be too good I want to please him. I mean I seriously would do so much for him if it made him happy. GOOD SEX.

478 hit(s) (0 comments) | spill  
It's been a while...

Well, it been a long time since I last wrote... and to tell the truth not much has changed.

I passed the exam that I was previously worried about! YAY.

...and now there's only a couple more months to go before I finish my degree. Scary huh? I'll be out there in the real world next year... and I'm going to miss being a student I can tell you that.

Still not over Bernard (ex boy)... and had an interesting convo with him this morning. Basically if I say the word we can get back together :)

Just gotta sort my shit out...

846 hit(s) (2 comments) | i need a hug...  


It was euphoric walking across that stage.

I fucking graduated high school.


2104 hit(s) (3 comments) | Elaborate.  
Is this thing still on?
Feeling: contemplative

Tap tap!

-- Edit --

Sorry about that guys. I brought Sitdiary back but forgot to update some of the scripts so they work on the new installation. You should be able to write posts as usual.

For now, I have registrations turned off because we were getting tons of spam previously.


48690 hit(s) (45 comments) | comment  

I know what is there

I know the love


In your chest

A fist

Ready to unclench 

623 hit(s) (1 comments) | Erotic Polititians  

i hate not writting in here. I try to come back at least once every couple months at least. but theres so much going on and so little since its all the same thing over and over and over. just cut and paste.


things have been crazy. I just want to get my shit together once and for all. I want a place to live where i feel stable and secure at all times. I want a job. I want to feel READY to move again.


And its not just easy as... "Jeni, you need to start putting yourself first" and making decisions that put me first.. because Im only here for Max. If we werent together I would be in california or europe. So I try to make plans for us.. and then something bad happens and it gets put on hold. and then i get scared to make more plans for us.


I got arrested at the end of september. I had an autistic episode. there's more to it but thats basically it. it was summer so

1922 hit(s) (2 comments) | pee in my bucket  
Beyond the Sea


I've decided to have a bit of fun with my colour scheme, as the brown - whilst one of my favourite colours and reminiscent of the best of the seasons, autumn - has been unchanged for years, and I felt like trying a brighter update.


It's a bit day-glo for me, but I'm trying to expand my comfort zone slightly. Plus, sea blues and greens and beach themes feel peaceful to me. I need as much serenity as I can get. 

It was also very grey today, as it's been for some days, so maybe this will speed the sun's return.


I've a busy week ahead, and I'm wondering how I'm going to accomplish everything I need to. In addition to tidying and sorting everything from the move, I've also got commissions for a tattoo design and a flood of mini felt foods (which I design and hand-stitch). I love working on these art projects, I just don't always know where to start. Where the tidying is concerned, I just own too many things! I've done a fair job of collecting a donation pile, but I'm finding I still have a long way to go in terms of reducing.


Speaking of which, another area I need to again focus on is losing weight. Between Dec 2016 and Dec 2017 (in fact, year almost to the day), I worked incredibly hard and lost 7st 4 (just over 100 lbs). Unfortunately, the hols ended up being a bit rough emotionally, and this year has been one of the most taxing I've ever had; I got off track and started making poorer food choices and 'found' again 1 st 6 of what I'd lost. I've resolved to correct this, and I know I'll again be successful, I just need to properly apply myself.


This sort of public declaration is another way of ensuring I follow suit.



558 hit(s) (1 comments) | comment!  
Feeling: hollow

It started July 1, 2017.

Its now August 4, 2017.

It's been a month.

I'm now getting love letters and love confessions and little gifts.

I think I gave it my best try.

I really did.  I didn't half-ass this one.  So don't accuse me of it.

I really wanted it to work.  For both of us. 

But I'm not feeling it.  And I have to go with my feelings.

(At this point my mother would say: What does love have to do with marriage? and/or say something along the lines of me being too picky or having too high expectations)

But this can't go on any longer.

I just...can't.

We need to talk. 


I just wish there was someone out there who didn't fall in love with me within hours. Someone who didn't want to kiss me.  Someone who didn't want to marry me.  

Can't I just have a friend?  Just one friend.  That's not married! That's a guy. That's chill.

I know, I know.  There's girls out there with the exact opposite problem. 

The grass is always greener on the other side, eh?


Who knew one of the dating concerns I'd have is when is it appropriate to ask to see the divorce decree? 

If one more guy tells me he's divorced, he better freakin' be divorced.  I want proof. 

Oh wait, that's right, they never approach that subject, I'M the one that has to ask if they are in fact divorced. 

Call me crazy, but I think I have some preservations and standards when it comes to kissing a married man. 


82 hit(s) (0 comments) | Love, me  
[138] Let Our Hearts Bleed
Listening to: The Way I Are - Bebe Rexha
Feeling: awake

Hello Diary.

I haven't written in quite a while! I know, I'm guilty. Sue me. Okay please not really...I'm sorry ;_;

I've been very busy. For starters, as I said before, I got my GED and I have started my first semester of college. It hasn't been too difficult but it hasn't been easy either. It's been interesting.

I also went to my bi-yearly vacation and hung out with friends. I made a bunch of new friends and just had a good time...too good of a time, in my opinion. I gained back like 15 lbs which I'm now currently back on track to losing. I couldn't start at the gym immediately because of getting con crud right after which took like two weeks to go away -_- meh.

The semester is almost done for me. I submitted my last work and am waiting for the grades. And then I get a month off to do whatever I want. Yay.

My birthday is in a week. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'll be the big 25. I still feel the same as I did when I was a teenager, just a bit less naive. I hope that never changes. I don't want to be that dick who forgets what it's like to be young and keep a fresh perspective on things. But anyway, I have a whole week of fun planned out for my birthday so I have a lot to look forward to.

I'll end this here.

31 hit(s) (0 comments) | Tell me everything.  
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