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mr inbetween

I have nothing poetic to write anymore.

Somewhere in the whirldwind of broken hearts and almost-a-year-after-we-broke-up sex (hah, we should make an anniversery out of it. what material should i stab you in the back with? is it ivory yet?), the looming exams waiting impatiently to tear me down and rip apart my dreams, the thick musty STATIC air inside my veins... I have lost myself. The poetic, lonely mask of me has lost the former to accentuate the latter. I miss you, stranger of my past. I miss you, non(less!)-cliched-writing.

1853 hit(s) (1 comments) | leave comment  
Oh Wolfy!

Well my neck is strained due to i slept in our little ones room this night.

He has an unexplainable fear of Werewolves since some days. We already made a Werewolf Stop Sign which we posted on his door and also a very bright flashlight for him. I Also had one magic moon stone left which i gave to him, but all didn't work so i slept on a thin blanket on his floor to protect him. Poor me, i get old.

Poor him he has the fear of werewolves.

Gonna built some Werewolf traps on the weekend ;-)

64 hit(s) (1 comments) | blam!  
54//Sensual Suds
Listening to: Loud neighbors
Feeling: abandoned

 

The warm sensation tingled all over my skin, as I dipped myself gently into the water tonight. It felt as though soft tiny finger tips were caressing my body, working away the pain of the day. As I let myself drift into an ecstasy of thoughts - lending themselves to you joining me tonight, a sudden pit welled up in my stomach.

The soft tiny finger tips gradually became an unbearable bed of nails, as the realization washed over me that you wouldn't be joining me tonight. A conflict grew in my minds eye as I considered whether or not I actually wanted YOU with me tonight, or if I simply wanted someone. Anyone. A sting grew in my eyes as I closed them tightly to crush away the heartbroken tears.

Taking in as much air as I could, I let myself sink into the tub. Engulfed by the foamy bubbles I let gravity drop away. I felt the memories of you peel away layer by layer, as I kept dropping further into the warm grasp of the water: as though purging you from my system. Time wore on ever so slowly, as I tried to muster the strength to break the waters surface again. 

Surging through the water, I felt the weight of the world collapse back onto my shoulders. I felt like a pillar close to toppling, agony and despair rattling through my bones like lightening. The warm sensation of the water barely a memory, I stood up to face you again… Here I am. Confiding in a little space of internet oblivion. My heart is caged up, fighting to keep beating, fighting to give in. Conflicted beyond comprehension. 

 

Said I loved you, but I lied.

 

1304 hit(s) (0 comments) | Tickle Me  
Sad...

7th grade

Stared at the girl next to me.

She was

my so called "best friend".

I

stared

at her

long, silky hair,

and wished she was

mine.

But she didnt notice me like that, I

knew it.

After class she

walked up to me and asked

me for the notes she had missed the day

before and

handed them to

her. She said "thanks"

and gave me a kiss on

the cheek. I wanna

tell her, I

want her to

know that I don`t

wanna Be just friends, I love her but I`m

just too shy,

and I don`t know

why...

11th Grade

The phone rang. on

the other end

it was

her. She was

in tears,

mumbling on

and on

about how her love had broke her heart.

She asked

me to come over

because she didn't want to be alone, so I

did. As I sat

next to her on

the sofa, I stared at

her soft eyes, wishing

she was mine.

after 2

hours,

a drew barrymore movie,

& 3 bags of

chips, she decided to go

to sleep. She

looked

at me,

said "thanks" and

gave me a kiss on the

cheek. I wanna tell her,

I want her to

kno

that I don`t

wanna be just

friends, I love her but

I'm just too shy, and idk wHy

Senior Year

The day before prom she walked to my

locker. "My date is Sick"

she said; he`s not qonna

go. well I didnt

have a dAte and

in 7th qrade we

made a promise that if

neither of us had dates we would go

together

just as "best

friends". So

we did.

Prom niqht

After everything was over I was standing

at her

front

door step. I stared

at her, She smiled at me

I want her

to be mine,

but she

doesn`t

think of me like that

and I kno it.

then she said "I Had the

best time,

thanks!" and gave me a kiss

on the cheek. I wanna

tell her,

I want her to kno that I don`t

want to be just

friends, I love her

but I`m just too shy,

and I

don`t kNow why

Graduation Day

a

day passed, then a week, then a month.

before I could blink, it

was graduation day. I watched as her

perfect

body

floated like an anqel

up on staqe to qet her

diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she

didnt notice

me like that, and I knew

it. Before everyone

went home, she came to me in her smock

and

hat, and

cried as I hugged her.

then she lifted

her

head from my shoulder and said, you`re

my

best friend,

thanks!" and gave

me a kiss on the Cheek.

I wanna tell her, I want her to know that

I

don`t wanna

be just friends, I

love her but I`m just

too shy, and I don`t know why

A Few Years Later

now I sit in the pews of the church. that

girl is gettinq married

now. I watched her say "i do" and drive

off

to her new

life, married to another man.

I wanted her

to be mine, but she didn`t see me like

that

and I knew

it. But before she

Drove away, she came to

me n said you came!" She said. "thanks!"

and kissed me

on the cheek. I

wanna tell her, I want

her to

know that i dont wanna be just

friends, I love

her but I`m just too

shy, and i don`t

know why }]|

Years

passed,

I looked

down at the coffin

of a qirl who used to

be my "best friend". at the service they

read a diary

entry she had wrote in

her hiqh school years.

This is what it

read: I stare at him wishing

he was

mine, but he doesn`t notice

me like that, and I

know it. i wanna tell him, i want him to

kno

that I

don`t wanna be just friends,

I love him but I'm

just too shy, and I don`t know why. I wish

he

would tell

me he loved me...I wish I

did too. I

thought to myself, and I cried

2285 hit(s) (4 comments) | ~*Hug Me*~  
[48]Through Everything
Listening to: Haste the day - American love
Feeling: bewildered

2955 hit(s) (5 comments) | love me/judge me  
One way
Feeling: ambitious

10.46am

It's funny how small things can make you happier than big things that are meant to be joyous. Well, perhaps.

Like a conversation that settles you down a little. Or someone not caring that you're being all PMS-y. Yeah, yeah, so I do get over emotional, I wish I didn't, wish it wasn't such a cliche. But at least I've started to recognise it now. Before I just assumed all the ups and downs I was feeling were just me and my crazy head.

What annoys me is when guys assume just because it's PMS it's not legitimate feelings. Perhaps they're accentuated slightly, but personally my little sobbing fits and then ultimate happiness come from things I have been feeling anyway. It's just that the things that before made me a little annoyed or upset now make me hysterical. It's not as if suddenly because of hormones your entire position on life changes.

I wonder if dreams reflect anxieties a lot. I suppose they do.

I wish I could show my friends know how much I love them.

12862 hit(s) (2 comments) | snap.  
89 backstab
Listening to: guster
Feeling: stubborn

wow. long time no write... but right now this is the only place where i can just let my feelings go.

HOW COULD SHE DO THAT?!?!

backstabb me like that. and its my fault for pretending that everything is alright. and then she blames me for bringing her into this situation. and stupid stupid boys. they always cause drama. you would never do that to your friend. its just not right. i dont know what to think anymore. ive become so numb.

5841 hit(s) (0 comments) | play  
2009
Listening to: Never SAy NEVER -FRAY
Feeling: fun

You know what's awesome?

Looking back on my ridiculous adolescent years.

I'm in college.

I'm getting my own apartment.

I've got an internship with WISPIRG.

I'm becoming a manager at CEC.

I'm in love with a girl.

Gettin back into pilates.

Ahhhhh life.

11130 hit(s) (1 comments) | is this thing on?  
Behind Blue Eyes
Listening to: The Who - Behind Blue Eyes
Feeling: annoyed

so.

it seems as though there was a mess up on some stuff.

that last post was totally from years ago, it just happened to pop up somehow as a recent post. dont know.

i was thinking. What if Hitler had been accepted into the Vienna School of Art?

Jesus, the differences in our society today would be astounding.

4177 hit(s) (1 comments) | give me first aid  
193. summer oh seven
Listening to: four letter lie - *feel like fame*
Feeling: broke

so my first year of highschool is now over (: so what did i do this summer? well...

work work work six days a week. and when i can i hang out with my friends. also i was in a pagent yippie i won miss personality. i also made plenty of new friends. but only some count :P oh oh oh i also went to WARPED TOUR and hershy park(: yeah it was funn.

kay on seven seven oh seven i started going out with josh, you no that kid im always talkign about it. about. and i dont no if it is even a good thing right now cause were fighting :/ but we are going to see each other on saturday so we will see how things go.

anyway thats it for now. all i have plans is going to the fair some more and soem parties (:

kayyyy well i do love josh.(:

what am i do right this second. well its fuckin almost 4 in teh morning and im still up and wide awake hangign out with jenna. fun fun.

I'll show you how to make a heart-beat.

12369 hit(s) (0 comments) | BiggestMistake x3  
im back

i am so bad at this shit! i havent written in like for ever! wat up yall

4310 hit(s) (3 comments) | *Volley Ball Queen  
???
Listening to: ???
Feeling: alone

Im very depressed. Me and Shane had a fight. And I did the stupid thing and signed out of MSN so he couldn't chat to me... And I know he hates that... What did we fight about? A while ago, I added a guy to MSN that I found from Bebo, he got very attached to me, and I lied to Shane and said he was gone. So now I went and added another guy (even though he seems alright) and Shane's going ballistic... And now I know I've made him even angrier... Things have been happening at home... I'm finding life very hard at the minute... I'm only holding together for everyone else and I'm sick of it. I can't take any more of this. Why can't I just feel the way I want to feel???....

.... why isn't anyone listning to me....

.... why do I feel so alone???....

I can't stop crying, but Shane doesn't know.

3336 hit(s) (0 comments) | Mess with my head  

i think it's an end here.

thanks for everyone who gave me the inspiration to write all of this.

i thank you alll very much.

but i think its time for a change.

as everytime i see my early work, its time for a change..

and i've been dying for a change since the 5th from the bottom.

so i'll change the spot where i'll be writting.

if you want to check it out.

go to

blogger.com

and search for my full name.

christopher salonia

and it's called the lay back lounge

orrrr

just head out this link n it'll take u there

http://laybacklounge.blogspot.com/

6254 hit(s) (0 comments) | Speakout  
15. losing it

omg i am freaking out here i dont know where she is at with this random guy and have no clue whats going on...i just cant believe i got myself into this position...what an idiot i am...this sucks

1561 hit(s) (1 comments) | destroy my sweater  
i <3 this boy

Image hosting by Photobucket

2048 hit(s) (2 comments) | hit me up  
hmm....
Listening to: roommate sleeping...
Feeling: alone

maybe i should get on here more often...

3381 hit(s) (0 comments) | love is like...  
Is this thing still on?
Feeling: contemplative

Tap tap!

-- Edit --

Sorry about that guys. I brought Sitdiary back but forgot to update some of the scripts so they work on the new installation. You should be able to write posts as usual.

For now, I have registrations turned off because we were getting tons of spam previously.

Scott

56497 hit(s) (48 comments) | comment  
Holy Sh!t!
Listening to: crystals castles
Feeling: amazed

i thought this sit was down. just for the heck of it i googled it and poof its there. i even somehow remembered my password. its been years

2229 hit(s) (2 comments) | are you sure?  
New things
Feeling: asleep

I got out of the Army this past April. I got my disability, good thing I started on that before I left. I'm at my aunts place. That woman has been nothing but kind to me. Which is why anything she asks of me is done without question. I haven't talked to my sister that is close to my age since April 2008 or my younger sister that's in uni now since June of last year. Slowly but surely I'm am losing connections to people in my life. Do I miss that? No not at all. More and more a burden I become. Erica you changed, it's why I have no real desire to contact you. You pretty much wrote me off when I told you I was going to Afghanistan in 20012. Which coincidentally was when you got with your now boyfriend. People change they always do. I feel like I am a relic now.

 

 

    Memories of a persons past. All I hear is remember when we.... Yeah, I'm irrelevant now which is why I hardly talk to them anymore. When I got here I after I got out I thought the one friend that would never turn me away did. Sadly was cause of a woman. Like another friend I knew for 20 years. He's on an entry here if your interested. I thought he would be around forever too. My faith in people is at an all time low. I'm just filled with apathy for people I know mostly. Even my brother, I have failed him too. Fuck everyone just about. But I'm here, I gave a homeless lady 5 bucks while waiting for the bus. She thought I wasn't listening because I was on the phone. 

 

 

      It's sad, I feel more hope for and compassion for strangers that have less than I do. Than for people I know in my life. Because I feel that one day they will cast me a side or betray me. I'm looking forward to starting school next year with my GI Bill from the military. I'm done with knowing people, or getting to know them, fucking disappointment the lot of them. Just I can graduate and leave this motherfucker. 

 

   I had hope when I came, I really looked forward to seeing my friend. Hell, even staying in Texas but fuck it, fuck him and just about fuck it all. I'm just going to live my life doing what I want to do. 

 

1. Go to Japan, preferably Shinjuku

2. Have a threesome

3. Build something that everyone will use

4. Live in another country

5. Chill at a nudist colony for vacation

 

 

  There's more stuff but it's all I can think of. Well peace out people

823 hit(s) (1 comments) | kyowakei  
I really just don't care
Feeling: annoyed

I don't understand people sometimes. I have this friend, lets call her Cat.

 So Cat and I have been friends for some times now about two years, I want to say her and I are good friends, I've been there for her through a lot and she has been there for me There was a time when Cat went a little nutty (fell off the bandwagon, boy crazy) I'll leave it at that but lets also just say when she was going through her nut phase it worried some people and she was not exactly easy to deal with. But anyway she also has two kids who I love very much we spend loads of time together, the father of the kids is there though they are not married on paper. She has gone back and forth with him. "I love him" "I hate him" for awhile there during the nut phase she "loved" a differet guy every other week.

 "the other man" she is/was on and off with two there was a few other guys mixed in there but there all but gone now, she has pretty much only been with "Daddy" for at least three months now. I understand because she had he first born when she was 21 and her and "Daddy" had only been together for like a month of two before she got preggo, so she never really had a chance to be wild and have fun. So I never held that nut phase against her and never judge her.

 But then I get the feeling that she judges me, and gets annoyed with me when I talk to her about things, I used sit through hours of her bitching about boys and her gossip about all that other behind the bedroom doors stuff but the ONE time I went to talk to her about something like that she got all annoyed cut me off and didn't want to hear it. I never went or will go "Nutty" like her. I just had a bad first date and she didn't want to hear it.

 I do A LOT, for her and her family. It's her, the two kids, "Daddy" then her Mother and her Step-Dad. I give her rides all the time when she wroked with me, but she lots her job now. So I'll let her use me car to go food shopping and do laundry or for whatever else. The Step-Dad is the only one who has a truck and it's his work company truck, his boss is only letting him use it so he can get to work.

 So I'm being really nice letting them use MY CAR, so they can do all this stuff, I'll help out around there house and I ALWAYS watch the girls. Half the time I'm there I'm waching the kids and Cat is doing whatever else. I'm starting to feel like I'm being taken for granted.

 There are times where Cat is very snappy with me, like she can't even have a conversation with me, or when she's helping me with something is likes she mad or annoyed or will yell at me. Tomorrow I'm suppose to help them so they cabn go to the laundry mat but after that I don't think I am going to be spending as much time with me. I'm a good person, I care for people and will do whatever I can to help the, but I DO NOT let anyone treat me poorly anymore.

1086 hit(s) (1 comments) | What now?  
Still working hard
Listening to: stay with me-youmeatsix

I work SO much and SO hard.  I feel ok.  70 ish hours?  NO BIGGGIE.  I don't EVEN care.  Except all I do is work and sleep.  I guess it is better than sleeping and sleeping.  I still need to fix the house up a bit, but whatever. 

 

I think I'm getting good at Zumiez.  Probably 2nd manager soon.  We'll see. 

 

I may have sexed up a girl.  Who had a boyfriend.  I maybe didn't care. 

 

Fuckkkk I;m bored. 

 

I'm reading the Harry Potters.  Im gonna try and knock out all of number 6 tonight and tomorrow night.  300 a night is easy peasy.  I was so emberassed walking into borders and looking for it, it was insane.  I've never been more emberassed in my life.  I just got a degree in English, and this is what I'm OMG.  My first book after graduation was HP 5, I'm going to kill myself.  BUT, girls walked by and I was like, "I'm in the wrong section" when I was in the young adults section looking for it.  I actually was!  It is in the children's section.  Fuck.

2112 hit(s) (0 comments) | wut.  
 
 
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