2/ Focus

Sometimes I just cant do anything. 

 

Literally. Anything.

 

My brain will not function. I'm lucky I'm able to type right now. I just dont understand how sometimes I am so good at things and sometimes its like I'm just a shell. Sometimes I'm so capable of things some people would be jealous of. And sometimes.. I cant even remember basic common sense.

 

I got upset with my friend last night. Idont know why when people say crappy things they try to cover it up with "I meant blah blah blah". Like I'm not aware that they arent perfect and that people dont say stupid things or even believe stupid thigns sometimes. Just own it. I get not wanting to offend me, but you did. And it was equivalent to saying "That's retarded" To a mentally challenged person. Basically blaming the reason he couldnt think and was basically calling himself stupid not by saying he is stupid but that he has autism. And this isnt the first time he's used this phrase of his to relay how stupid he is. I said.. "dude. You have said that before and its like you forget who you are talking to." And he says to me "You dont have autism. of this I'm sure". First of all, I do in fact have autism. However high functioning it may be. And that is a fact I didnt just pull out of my ass but was finally "given" to me by a qualified psychologist and psychiatrist and confirmed by multiple medical professionals since. "given".. like I didnt have it up until then. It finally explained a lot of things and I wasnt happy to have it.. but I wasnt unhappy either. I was happy to have a reason for all my unanswerable questions. And at this point in my life, I dont think of autism as a curse. It made me who I am and I like who I am.Most of the time. And I have overcome A LOT. And obviously I wish I could overcome the rest but I'm working on it. And I dont know. His whole "I meant..." explaination just made it worse. Because it was like "well i just meant that you are a very smart person blah blah blah" Being smart has nothing to do with it. And really, I'm not very smart. I have to work for what I got but there are a lot of naturally intelligent and talented people on the spectrum that are more "afflicated" than I am. Even someone who is that ridiculous steroptypical image of autism, that people love to assign to every sinfgle person on the spectrum, could be a freaking genius. Whether they are sitting around not able to talk, shitting their pants, chewing their hair.. whatever ridicilous idea you have about autism.. doesnt mean you know whats going on in their head. It has nothing to do with how intelligent you are. Or if you're verbal or not. It just made me so angry. Because there technically is no such thing as aspergers anymore. Its all considered part of the autism spectrum.

 

I just really hate when people say bs like "But youre so normal" and "But my cousins sisters ex roommates nephews etc etc etc has autism and you're nothing like him" etc etc . I dont even feel like explaining how ridiculous these statements are. People dont even get how in a single sentence they can discredit a persons whole existence. Fortunately Im in a good place right now and these thigns dont affect me quite as much as they used to. Not enough to stew on it all day for weeks and weeks. months. years. I guess thats what writing is for. And autism isnt who i am, but it made me who I am. Like a lot of things but it has affected me in every way since I was born. Its like going up to a person in a wheelchair and saying "You arent handicapped. i know you can walk". "Oh i didnt mean to offend you... i just meant you are such a smart person that Im sure if you tried hard enough you could just like.. make your legs work. Fuck doctors. Just try harder. be better. You're so capable of other things so its crazy you arent capable of walking. its so basic. What are you stupid?" That's exactly what its like.

 

Anyways. 

 

So I was already having a hard time focusing on anything and getting my brain to work and then that conversation happened. And at the end I'm the one who ends up feeling bad. You know the whole fight or flight response. pretty much bullshit. Why am I so "normal"? Because I looked at my character defects and try by best (i suck sometimes but i think I am pretty good) to work around them and blend into society at least in terms of what is socially acceptable behavior. And this whole "Oh I offended you? ok bye" shit is just SHIT. I used to blame my mother for it but now I credit her for my ability to confront my emotions and others. She took it overboard (ok lets face it, at times she was/is just bat shit crazy.. but she's getting better) but without that I might be as f*cked up in that area as everyone else. Just abandoning people and converations when I'M the one in the wrong or made the mistake. and everyone does it lately. and i'm getting really sick of it. I'm just glad I have been going to meetings.. because I dont know how i would be handling things and especially people lately. 

 

So I ended up feeling really misunderstood. I made a friend a few months ago who has aspergers. I stopped talking to him because I didnt want to make more male friends in addition to the ones I already have. I'm not going to fire any of my preexisting friends just because theyre dudes but I really want more women friends. Alanon is somewhat helping with that. But I made an exception with him because he has aspergers and can relate to me in a lot of ways no one else can. So it was nice catching up. Right now we are staying at a friend of max's because well. long story. But its aspie hell. I can talk about that sort of thing without feeling high maintenance or like I'm just a complainer. I dont want everything to affect me like it does. I cant do anything about it.

 

alanon is helping me understand that I am who I am and I dont need to apologize for it.

 

I have a lot of studying to do. But I cant absorb anything right now. Idk how to fix it. Its been like this for weeks. and especially the last couple days. 

 

Max and I are all over the place. I feel like the more I try the less he does. Sometimes it makes me want to stop trying. Its not fair to say he isnt trying. But he just plays games on his phone all day when he could be looking for a place to live or a job. He keeps saying he will get a job this week. He said that lasrt week. And he says for me to just focus on school. But nothing is getting done and I dont want to be at his friends house anymore. its only been a few days and its really hard. So I have been looking for jobs and a place to live. Everything kleeps falling on me. People keep saying to focus on me and take care of me. But those are things I need too. So I cant depend on him to do them. ANd i have to do it all. And its so stressful. But telling him that makes him feel like I am blaming him or attacking him. the other day i just said i need help and that i am feeling really overwhelmed, this was weeks ago and it started a huge fight because he took it as an attack. I dont know how to say anything. Things have been a little better lately so I dont know how the same conversation would go now.

 

 

 

77 hit(s) pee in my bucket  
Comments
December 4th, 2017 @ 1:54am
As i read the last block of your entry im a little bit afraid, that you might scratch school and work more instead, so that you are maybe making it easier for Max because you love him. I wish you strenght and good decisions. Sorry if i sometimes misunderstand something you write, i blame it on my english :)
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Entry List
2/ Focus
1/ Recovery
Trial & Error
Hello Again
Last Night
September
How
Good Job
Squishy ice cubes
Hours
Breathless
blank
Over Simplified
The Afterglow
21. Dots and Dashes
17. In The Dark
10. Among Other Things
[2060] Le Temps d'un souffle...
[2025] Coup de Grace
[2017] The Way That It Will Be
[2006] Things That Matter
[2005] It
[2002] Must Be Nice
[1997] Coincidental
[1996] Apparently
[1981] Good morning,...
[1962] Praha II
[1968] Praha
[1966] Danke Scheon
[1963] Forlander
[1905] Flarm
[1883] Because
[1855] Cloudy with a Chance...
[1851] Double Rainbows and...
[1849] Then You Can Start
[1841] The Silence
[1829] Desires
[1827] Changing Directions
[1826] Damaged Need Not Apply
[1825] /Dies
[1824] Acceptance
[1822] Trust
[1819] Banana in the Dark
[1816] What's This?
[1815] 6th
[1811] Wabbits
[1809] What's the Dinosaur...
[1807] Grandma and Bea
[1806] Dear God this...
[1803] Cheers
[1797] One After the Other
[1796] Doors
[1794] Welpy
[1792] Ruh-roh!
[1790] Forgotten
[1787] C-3PO
[1786] Let Me Be Nice
[1785] ORRR
[1784] Sh!t Talking?
[1783] DO
[1782] Under the Hood
[1781] Duck Duck.. Goose?
[1780] Handbone
[1778] 1 week
[1777] Family?
[1774] GIRLS
[1769] 26 - 28
[1768] Pros and Cons
[1767] Bell Jar
[1766] To Be Out of Here
[1764] The Grove
[1762] Forgot Again
[1761] Recently
[1760] Never Learn
[1759] things
[1758] Oh Hello
[1757] A Feeling
[1756] Stabby Knight Syndrome
[1755] Aubrie
[1754] Getting Things Done
[1752] Ketchup Is Sticky
[1750] .
[1749] So Pissed
[1748] The Worst
[1747] Cake Pops
[1746] Don't forget
[1745] Birthday
[1744] Toxic
[1743] Incomplete
[1742] Exiting Narnia
[1741] Because My Head Hurts
[1740] House
[1739] Now I Have No Nose
[1738] I Miss It
[1737] All The LIttle Things
[1736] Top Shot
[1735]
[1734] Carpe Diem
[1733] Sleep Apnea
[1732] Soo...
[1731] You Don't Have To Say...
[1729] Give It Up
[1728] Too Good To Be
[1727] People
[1726] Guess What!
[1725] RIP my sweet boy
[1724] Goodbye Sweet Boy
[1723] Intussesception
[1722] Beef Stew
[1722] Lemons
[1721] Nightmare
[1720] Being Nerdy
[1719] Conflicted
[1718] More Time To Write
[1717] Hopefully
[1716] My Moose
[1715] Bruxism
[1714] The Grind
[1713] Ambiguity
[1712] The Worst Ever
[1710] Its a date?
[1709] Weird
[1708] Have To
[1707] Overnight Vegan
[1706] No kidding
[1704] Want
[1703] Creeps
[1702] Goodbye E3
[1701] Day 1
[1700] E3 2011
[1699] Don't Print Bobby Pin
[1698] Go Carts!
[1697] People
[1696] L.A. Noire
[1695] Jefri's Condo
[1694] But for now...
[1693] Stomach Issues &...
[1691] Loved
[1690] Stupid
[1689] Snuggly Blankets and...
[1688] I Didn't Ask Him To
[1687] Life and Love
[1686]
[1685]
[1684] Book Update
[1683] Double Standards
[1681] That's what she said
[1679] Ignorance
[1678]
[1677]
[1675] Poor Little Bird
[1674] DONE & DONE
[1673] Burn
[1672] Thinking Like A Man
[1671] 127 Days
[1670] Qualities and...
[1669] Momentum
[1668] Elegantly Posed To...
[1667] Whatever
[1666] TMJ and TMI
[1665] Neat video is neat
[1664] He said hi, i said...
[1663] Going Home
[1662]
[1661] Double Rainbow!!!
[1660] POOP
[1659] Woah Buddy
[1658] If I Only Had an Axe
[1657] FullTimez and Bennies
[1654]
[1653] Douchebags
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[1650] Solutions for Adults...
[1649] Orrreeeallly-ohes?
[1648] Wishy Washy
[1647]
[1646] Who Cares
[1645] Irlen Lenses
[1644]
[1643] That's Money Honey
[1642]
[1641] All Week
[1640] More Than Anything
[1639] Most Likely
[1638] /stab
[1637] And I don't know how
[1636] Dang
[1635] The Soup
[1634] But I Like Lobsters
[1633] Inception
[1632] Actually...
[1631] Responsibility, whats...
[1630] E3
[1629] WTF
[1628] /Stab.
[1627] Cheesus Christ!!
[1625] UHF
[1624] So Yeah
[1623] Speaking of...
[1622] Punchy?
[1621] For Now...
[1620] It Didn't Suck
[1618] Jefri Has A Girlfriend
[1617] All I Need To Be
[1616] E3!!
[1615] Higher Ups and Mochi
[1614] Headshots
[1613] Baby you got it
[1612] Eat My Heart
[1611] City Walk and Central...
[1610] Closer
[1609] Monologues and Floppy...
[1608] To be or not to be...
[1606] Clearly
[1605] She's already gone away
[1604] What If...
[1603] Grrrr
[1602] A Short Cut We'll...
[1601] As Stars Lean Down to...
[1600] Quickie
[1599] Exactly
[1598] Douche Baggery
[1597] Doppleganger
[1596] Cream Cheese?
[1595] I Hate Vista
[1594] To The Window, To The...
[1593] Countrylife vs...
[1592] Karrett
[1591] Flash
[1590] Rihanna
[1589] Spinning
[1588] The Tip Of The Ice Berg
[1587] Candy Coated Clouds
[1586] Changing All The Colors
[1585] Prestige
[1584] Christmas Cards
[1583] The Only Road I Know
[1582] You Don't Say...
[1581] Seriously?
[1580] Manuel
[1579] Sooner Than Later
[1578] A foxtrot above my head
[1577] Short
[1576] Modern Warfare
[1575] Emmett??
[1574] Have Fun Storming The...
[1573] Cock Pushups?
[1572] Let This Go
[1571] Tell Them To Build A...
[1570] UUUAGAHHHRGGHH!
[1569] STUPID!
[1568] New Moon
[1567] Look Me In The Eye
[1566] Where The Lines Overlap
[1565] To Bury The Castle
[1564] If Only
[1563] Attention Attention
[1562] Ass Burger
[1561] What and What Not
[1560] Bored
[1559] Male Prima Donna
[1558] Translucent
[1557] Bayside Halloween Show
[1556] Panic Research
[1555] No Sympathy
[1554] Claim To The Evidence
[1553] Undo The Knot You've...
[1552] Use Somebody
[1551] 1st Appointment
[1550] Dear Tragedy
[1548] The Nights That We...
[1547] I Threw It On The...
[1546] And I Feel Nothing
[1545] Birthday Times
[1544] Bored.
[1542] Cry Me A River
[1541] Screaming
[1540] MAYDAY!
[1539] Why 2K?
[1538]
[1537] Next Time You Point A...
[1535] Now I Can't Trust...
[1534] Je' Taime
[1533] That's What You Get...
[1532] I'm at it again
[1531] Killing Time
[1530] With Every Year That...
[1529] ready
[1528]
[1527] Home Sick
[1525] Fingertips have...
[1524] I Don't Get It
[1522]
[1521] Hardly Indestructable
[1520] Time Turned Fragile
[1519] The Right To Write Me...
[1517] The beginning of all...
[1516] You Beach
[1515] Personality Quiz
[1514] Awkward
[1513]
[1512] What and Whatknot
[1511] What's in a name?
[1510] Abnormally...
[1508] Crappy Friends and...
[1507] Noobs
[1505] Bunnies leave bite...
[1504] Cool friends and...
[1502] How to fix everything,...
[1501] Speak
[1500] rambling
[1499] Blurrr
[1497] Bubbles
[1496] Giant Jeni
[1495] Being grown up is silly
[1494] It ain't easy bein'...
[1493] Experiment
[1491] Today was a down day :p
[1490] & my heart would hit...
[1488] Drink up Beautiful
[1486] & it starts just like...
[1485] home
[1484] Kazzingachicken?
[1483] mah
[1482] take me home
[1481] Cold & Blue & Lifeless
[1480] Long survey
[1478] Blah blah blah.. banana
[1477] O boy!
[1476] So I pace the halls to...
[1475] Books & Cold Stones
[1474] ARG!
[1473] Tortures of the damned
[1472] Just enough to love you
[1471] Sometimes..
[1470] Dear Tragedy
[1468] No one understands
[1467] Nice
[1466] We'd stay there forever
[1465] Mayday, Mayday!
[1464] Sundays
[1463] Get Your Fix
[1461] "Husbandy"
[1460] Eat My Brains & I'll...
[1459] Ring, Ring!
[1458] Do do do . Banana.
[1457] 365 Reasons Why...
[1453] Ask and you shall...
[1452] Tim Always Knows
[1451] Almost Here
[1450] New Moon
[1449] On Purpose
[1448] This Place
[1447] Prozac Problems
[1446] lets change things up...
[1445] Coming Close
[1444] Meh
[1443] Seriously?
[1442] Tick Tock
[1441] Bad Ass
[1440] People Suck
[1439] Its nice
[1438] Sanding Sucks
[1437] Today was good
[1436] A Happy Ending
[1435] Somersaults
[1434] The Panic Begins
[1433] Craigs list & Cat...
[1432] Pretty n' Pink
[1431] Lame News
[1430] Are you Mocking me?
[1429] Perfect POnies
[1428] And Everything Just...
[1427] Victims from the...
[1426] 2 Weeks to Live
[1425] o Joy!
[1424] Pros and Cons
[1423] DJ Hero
[1422] And then 3 became 5
[1420] Mac FTW
[1419] EEEEE I HAS A MAC!!!!!!
[1418] 10 Reasons
[1417] Unexpected Gifts
[1416] Much Better Things..
[1415] Bologna?
[1414] 2 Ducks Sitting In A...
[1413] Cheats and Drums,...
[1412] Sunset and Santa Monica
[1411] Topanga can Suck it
[1410] Jeni Land
[1409] Bigger People
[1408] What A Noob
[1407] Titles and Numbers
[1406] Sleeping In
[1405] Deflate The Air From...
[1404] Bite Sized Pieces
[1403] Tuesday
[1402] Torrance vs El Segundo
[1401] QA Training Day 1:
[1400] Hi world.
[1399] A Note On Your Bed
[1397] Pink Lemonade
[1395] Its Been A While
[1394] Peanut Butter...
[1393] Snap Back
[1392] Freaking Out
[1391] Activision
[1390] Doctor Appointment
[1389] Cake
[1388] Until My Feet Don't...
[1387]
[1386]
[1385] Jeni the Builder
[1383] 100 lbs!
[1382] Broken or Gross
[1380] But We Will Never Fold
[1378] The Cure
[1377] Too Little Too Late
[1375] Is Everyone Here...
[1374] Now I Wonder
[1371] Iz Businez Time
[1370] Oh Yaz?
[1369] personality in a paste
[1367] At the Beginning
[1366] Typical
[1365] Resolution
[1364]
[1363] I am no bird
[1361] Its A Pity...
[1360] Not So Novice...
[1358]
[1357] Yahoo..
[1356] People I know
[1355] Christmas 08
[1354] Almost
[1353] Neverending
[1352] Who do they think they...
[1351] COMPLETELY
[1350]
[1348] Christmas Shopping
[1347] Silly Goose
[1346] Junk Mail
[1345] Soul Mates
[1344] Oh Really?
[1343] Walk On Water Or Drown
[1341] Run Away, And Never...
[1340] A Picture Worth a...
[1339] And I've Brought Some...
[1338] Plain Yogurt
[1337] BFF's
[1336] Eyes Meeting Over The...
[1334] And Since We've No...
[1333] A show of hearts, who...
[1331]
[1330] Never FInish A Book
[1328] First they're sour ...
[1327] Corners and Cones
[1326] Choli
[1325] Thanksgiving part II
[1324] Thanksgiving part I
[1323] Pancakes & Candied Yams
[1322] Tongue-Tied and...
[1320] Thanks But No Thanks
[1319] New Hair
[1318] Changing All ThE COlors
[1317] Fairness Is Failing
[1316]
[1314] And All Of Those...
[1312]
[1311] Such Boundless Pleasure
[1310] The Bird Is the Word
[1309]
[1307] A GOsh Darn...
[1306] Its Funny Cause It's...
[1305] Buttcritter
[1304] To Be Loved
[1303]
[1301] History In the Making
[1298] Best Day Ever
[1297]
[1296] Cry Baby
[1295] Bored.
[1294] Keep talking
[1293] Thrill Planet
[1292] Peachy
[1291] Hot n Cold
[1290] Are we having fun or...
[1289] To Be Haunted
[1288] Blue sweater and an...
[1287] WHOA 1500! plus 1
[1286]
[1285] The Only Song
[1284]
[1283] awkward..
[1281] Drain the Blood
[1280]
[1279] All Nighter
[1278]
[1277]
[1276] freister661
[1274] Progress Continued..
[1272]
[1268]
[1267] Cold & Blue & Lifeles
[1266] Everything we need is...
[1265] Made of Glass
[1264] pissed
[1263] frozen things they all...
[1262] only..
[1261] my domain
[1260] If you can't beat em,
[1258] You never missed a...
[1257] Mental Abuse
[1255] very tricky
[1254] The Fall
[1252] Denial Never Hurt...
[1251] Ahhhh
[1250] Yet Again
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[1462] Forgetting is a sin
[1461] My Dress
[1460] how now brown cow
[1458] The Basics
[1456] the littlest mermaid
[1455] Helpless.
[1454] Forgive and Forget
[1453] Retraction
[321] Don't read me, I have a...
[142]I dont want to run...
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[1450] 321 Penguin!
[1449]
[1448] High Above the Trees
[1447]
[1446]
[1445] Mama Mia
[1444] I Dream In Wishes
[1443] Save the Date
[1442]
[1441]
[1439] Eyes Glued To His
[1438] You Call It Fate, I...
[1437] Banana Pancakes
[1435] It Felt So Wrong, It...
[1434]
[1433] Cmon Cmon
[1432]
[1431] And I liked it...
[1429] Love and Marriage
[1427] Artificial flavored...
[1426] I landed on the island...
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[1424] Not Again..
[1423] How do you know?
[1421] Cuz I'm always on the...
[1420] Pictures
[1419] 4th of July
[1418] Wusband and Hife
[1417] Call It Karma
[1416] Viva Lost Cell Phone
[1415] It could be the same...
[1414] If you had a chance to...
[1413]
[1412] Maybe Not
[1411] Family Fued
[1410] I'mma New Soul
[1409] Maybe Monday
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[1408] Taste these teeth...
[1407] One Banana Stand At A...
[1406]
[1405] Zingy Zingy Zingy
[1404] Early Bird Gets Nothing
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[1401]
[1400]
[1399]
[1398] It Starts.
[1397] False Pretense
[1396] My eyes are melting
[1395]
[1394]
[1393] Hello Kitty
[13 92] Friedly Fire
[1390] Hands Down
[1389] Oh Sexxay...
[1388]
[1387] Like A Desperate...
[1386]
[1384]
[1382]
[1381] Mini Roses
[1380] "MOO"
[1379] In the Hole
[1378]
[1377] Rock the Cradle
[1375] As Soon As You Start...
[1372] Run Baby, Run
[1371] And it teases you for...
[1370] Images
[1369] The Closer
[1367] Release
[1365] Stop and Stare
[1366] What Gets You Through...
[1364]
[1363]
[1361] Easter Eggs and Karma...
[1359] Michelle My Belle
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[1356] BAH!
[1355] Some People
[1354] Hmm
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[1350] BEYOND
[1349]
[1348]
[1347] Imagine All The People
[1346]
[1345]
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[1343]
[1342] A Job Well Done?
[1341] Daily News
[1338] My Foot Is Asleep
[1337]
[1336]
[1333]
[1332] Simple and Plane?
[1331]
[1330] Bendy Straws
[1329] Is Narnia in the...
[1328] I'm A New Soul
[1327] Hermit Crabs Are Gross
[1326] Last Last Time
[1325]
[1324] Juxtaposed
[1322]
[1321] zours
[1320] It's You
[1318] Setting the New...
[1317] He likes how I shake...
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[1313]
[1312] MVP
[1311]
[1310] superimposed
[1309] very funny
[1307]
[1306] The Definition Of A...
[1305] Homemade Cards And Die...
[1304]
[1303] I Can't Deny
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[1300] Oh
[1298] Pointlessness
[1296] Not To Brag..
[1294] The White Stuff..
[1293] A Matter of Time
[1291]
[1289] Just Get Over It
[1288] Well
[1286] Makin Babies
[1285] Ginger Bread Houses
[1284] Jam and Pim
[1283] Oh Man
[1282] Thankful
[1281] Half Alive
[1280] Hundreds of Pages,...
[1278] Phantom of the Opera
[1277] The MEat Of LOve
[1276] So, So I Don't Know
[1274] For Little You Or...
[1271] Happy Feet
[1270] Epic
[1269] Liife is Wonderful
[1267] This Isn't Hollywood
[1265] That's What HE said
[1263] I was so
[1262] Boys Like Girls
[1261] I Am Over It
[1259] I Feel Good All Over
[1258] Running Right Behind...
[1257] Officially Unofficial
[1255] Naked Lunch Is Natural...
[1256] Blue Jean Baby
[1254] I Know Everything...
[1253] Footprints On My...
[1252] harlequin girl
[1251] uhm
[1250] Graphic Design
[1248] That's
[1247] Well..
[1246] Sunday Morning
[1244] i might disappear
[1243]It's too...
[1242] Like A Drug
[1240] hear me out
[1238]
[1237] Aww and AHHH!
[1235] Santa Cruz
[1234] Painting
[1233]
[1227]
[1225] Pencil Sharpeners &...
[1223] Why not..
[1222] Nothing without you
[1220] just another survey
[1217]
[1216 1/2]
[1214] i need a poptart
[1212] Kelly Anne
[1211] running away
[1210] yellow and lime
[1205] Let it be
[1206]
[1203] It's Official
[1202] BLAHHHHG
[1099] Across The Universe
[1201]
[1098]
[1095] title and registration
[1094] Are You Ready To...
[1092] I shot you in the face...
[1091]
[1090] whatever what?
[1089] breathing
[1087] finish this later
[1086]
[1084] like a raindrop
[1082 1/2]
[1082]
[1081]survey thingy
[1079] this is a reminder
[1078]
[1076]
[1075]
[1074]
[1072]
[1071] funny face
[1070] p50
[1068]
[1069] and eat it too
[167] renee is gay
[166]skoozy
[1065] Couch
[1063] I dont care
[1060]
[1058] The Rest
[1057] finding neverland
[1054]
[1050] no title.
[1048] radio on
[1047] in other words..
[1045] If you ever had a...
[1043] I hold sunlight &...
[1042]
[1040]
[1039] going nowhere
[1038]
[1036] The way I am
[1033] bridal shops and zuma...
[1032] my only one
[1031]
[1029] hunger
[1027] POP goes my heart
[1026] tooools
[1025] bodily functions
[1024] Gravity
[1022] photoshop 101
[1020]
[1019] diligently doubtful
[1018] TSS
[1017] not worth mentioning,...
[1014]
[1012]
[1013]
[1011]
[1010] BAH!
[1008] oh, you're alone
[1007] mind boggling
[1003]
[1002]
[1001] "sup"
[1001]the real 1000
[1000] and the winner is!...
[999] spanglish
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[985] and makes me realize
[986] Makes Me Wonder
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[982] the last couple years
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[980] your hands are mine to...
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[977] and all the kings...
[975] commonplace occurances
[974] there aint nothin to...
[972] nothing gold can stay?
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[967] i think not
[966]
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[964] shooting star
[961] double sided tape
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[954]
[953] i hate sleep
[952] Going to the chapel &...
[951]
[950]
[949] I cant think of a...
[948] All about those words..
[947] Geek in the Pink
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[944] Hits her like a ton of...
[943] adhesive bandages...
[942] Ryan Atwood?
[940] sibling rivalry
[939] he's gotta be strong,...
[938] one day i slowly...
[935] walkign and singing...
[932] amanda must die...
[930] In a flash...
[929] Humphry Bogart stole my...
[928] timmy fry fry
[927] i got you babe
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[918] Don't let the..
[917] August I'll see you...
[915] cuz its sexy
[914] january 6th
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[910] This Christmas
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[909] wow i wrote alot of...
[908] Thailand or bust
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[904] coffee break
[901] Best buy blows
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[895] parinoid
[894] Curve balls
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[891] almost alive
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[889] this could be different
[786] cold stones and warm...
[785] globalization is...
[783]
[781] screw it
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[779] From the freeway
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[763] tonight
[762] boring again
[759] boring
[760] top of the mornin to ya
[758] no name face
[757] pretty much...
[752] i cant find my phone...
[750]
[749] dirty pirate hooker
[747] things change...
[744] on wednesdays we wear...
[745] ash hole
[746] i guess..
[740] mondayness
[743] it helps
[742] 21st
[738] fine.
[739] i hate myself
[735] So Little Purpose...
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[732] well..
[731] Bianca Bear
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[729] yeah..
ahh.
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[719] Mothers Day
[718] Jefferton
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[714] one thats all your own
[711] X-games continued
[710] X-games
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[707] Country Time
[706] We'll hide indoors
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[704] Cuz I Cannnnn
[703] my depth perception
[702] Innocence Again
[700] the plan
[698]entry title
[697] In the FACE!
[695] In Roswell
[694] Shirt PUrses
[693] One Word...
[692] Now You Know
[691]
[688] Number Two
[685] just catching up
[684] Sit D is Healed
[683] Gotta make that mottor...
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[679] Entirely Useless
[677] ya know..
[675] Straight Up Now Tell Me
[673] ANother Way
[672] Blame It On Bad Luck
[671] December 9th
[670] All You Wanted
[649] Until this echo can...
[648] Hey
[667] 8:40
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[664] Douse the lights
[665] i tried to be...
[660] All In Your Hands
[659] subside
[658] Caricature of intimacy
[657] & paying in naivity
[656] whats best?
[653] It starts
[652] "How Are You?"
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[647] So contagious
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[646] The Art of Growing Up
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[643] Tomorrow is the new...
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[641] but its better if you do
[640] storage
[639] heart & soul
[637] so far
[636] writers block
[635] titles are overrated
[633] Raindrops on Roses
[632] 5:15 and beyond
[629] lunch backwards is...
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[627] I'm the new cancer
[626] TRY
[625] swing kids
[624] knmsdn
[623]untitled
[622] Hippie Monkey
[621] A quick one
[618] Viva La Difference
[617]
[615] CABOOSE!
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[612]
[610] Just this once
[609] What Good Is It?
[608] Pour it out
[605] 6:25
[604] teddy grams and kelly...
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[602] thingy i do
[600] Blank
[598] PG
[596] Unthinkable
[595] ...on both accounts
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[592] On a day like this
[591] Take my breath away
[589] forever to get here
[588] survey
[587] sos
[585] so this is the new year
[583] back in black
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[580] christmas
[579] Nite before Christmas
[577] Click here
[575] Brown and baige
[574] Indestructable
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[570] Chicken Little
[569] Out and about
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[565] American Reject
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[562] the taste of saint...
[560] Turks!
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[558] Marriage and divorce
[556] Hey tony!
[555] PICTURES?
[552] Beachen'
[551] Whatever
[550] The Travis
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[547] Not gonna happen
[545] Like Fandango
[544] Cute in the rain
[543] Shocker
[541] cereal killer
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[539] TWO stupid to count
[537] bleh
[536] All sortsa time
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[533] unfinished
[532] Keep me in tune
[531] Hoctober 31st
[530] literate and stylish
[529] water fills these open...
[527] too good to be true
[526] ESPN or something
[524] Picture this
[522] Lime Flavored
[521] What gives?
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[517] Worth the pain
[513] 20 questions
[512] Dear Diary
[509] burts bee's
[511] meow, isnt that nice?
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[507] I ate carrots
[506] five O six
[504] That simple
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[502] Throw it back
[499] September ends tonite
[498] Juxtapose myself and me
[496] Walls of Porn
[495] Mommy dearest
[494] NUTS!
[491] Cuz after all..
[490] sendin me straight to...
[489] Shrinking?
[487] a glimpse
[486] YAy for that
[485] weezererererer...
[484] So deep that it didnt...
[483] No heavy thoughts
[481] pink pops and red eyes
[480] pictures cuz i can
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[478] CASTLES IN THE SKY
[477] Turn It Inside Out So I...
[476] Big Brothers
[474] Short and Stout
[473] The M word!
[472] Gaps in History
[471] Oh guess what
[470] my heart is spoken for
[468] the biggest yellow...
[467] Goodwill
[466] Crazy Selfish
[464]
[463] Left Unsaid
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[460] monday
[456] A Good Scream!
[455] When I wanna be
[453] Incoherent response
[452] No Friends
[450] Fall to pieces
[451] Delta pics
[449] For a week at a time
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[447] I can't live
[445] its all in you
[446] Always something
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[442] I'm a notebook?
[441] Ventura theater
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[438] Feel and felt better
[436] ndusfsduifbsdfg
[435] Dont put it out with...
[434] 1 Month
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[431] Boys are like
[430] Nothing
[429] basically
[428] For a week
[426] Like riding a bicycle
[423] i like bruises
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[422] Delta whAAAt?
[419] sean & jeni pictures
[417] "whAAAAAAA?"
[416] coOOOOOokie crisp!
[415] frikken whoa
[414] yawn
[413] TGI Friday
[411] live a colorful life
[412] For you only
[410] Accuse me?
[409] How much longer will...
[408] duckie hearts P-tree
[407] freak out
[406] wanna bake me cupcakes?
[404] i have a sean?
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[400] 400!!!!!
[399] Beachen'
[396] new season
[395] pictures!!!
[394] are we in space? do we...
[393] mmmmHMMM!
[391] water is for quiters
[390] I love lamp
[389] But i just keep tryin
[388] kick me
[382] Look at the MOON
[385] To make plans and...
[381] suck
[383] show time
[382] pictures are fun
[381] to eat or not to eat?
[380] why do u wait on me?
[379] yeah. but what color...
[377] i think i might just..
[374] something unpredictable
[373] If you see a change in...
[371] such sweet sorrow
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[367] the roaring 20's
[364] poo poo
[360] heh.. 360 eh?
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[356] Entry Title
[355] you make me wanna "la...
[352] Who am i?
[343] The spectrum's A to Z
[342] Kiss me I'm romantic!
[341] Oh! Oh yes indeed
[340] We looked like giants
[339] DOH!
[338] TOM WENT TO THE MAYOR!
[337] Shhh don't tell!
[336] The dingo ate my...
[335] Little miss apprehensive
[334] Shoes on the ceiling
[333] lalala da bears
[331] And ended so soon
[329] PANCAKED...
[328] Red lettered day
[327] My life....
[326] Baby eys
[325] Does evil exist?
[323] So sick of being tired...
[321] Noticing Nothing Again
[318] Sat and Sun
[316] You + Me = Us
[315] Not Even A Little Bit
[314] Love and Angels
[313] Bu-bu-bu-bunnies are...
[312] R is for Rawr
[310] Are you ugly?
[309] a new start
[308] I hate them all
[307] not going anywhere
[306] 3 In The AM
[305] I dream of... Justin...
[303] I'm invisible
[302] It's Over
[300]THE
[298] when they doubt
[297] Hmm.
[296] nope, not at all
[295] unfinished
[294] Tehacha' what?
[293] And Yet
[292] not finished
[291] Tom Boy
[290] HASSELHOFF!!!!
[285] NOWWWWWWWW!
[287] ninja what?
[284] sing that song for me
[282] EEK!!
[279] gentry
[280] Dun na na na
[277] The List
[275] For Once
[274] my pet wombat
[273] It Does...
[272] Like a donut?
[271] ouch, my liver
[270] misery or missouri?
[267] Space Up In My Head
[269] If You Can
[265] what i was expecting
[266] nothing
[263] In your head
[262] and nothing but the...
[261]
[260] two-sixty
[259] heart in a blender
[257]
[256] i can't feel my arm
[255] stomp my face to mush
[254] apples can runner fast...
[253] every little thing
[251] and i was like...
[250]
[249]
[248]um yeah?
[247]i got it at ross?
[246]after the glow
[243]sing it out
[244] kiss me on the mouth
[245] what would you name a...
[242]psycho supergoddess
[239] everything she had
[240]2 all you mother truckers
[238]one line at a time
[233] a theory of my own
[232] whistle while you work
[230]GO billy GO!
[228]Hope your doin well
[227] yeah yeah uh huh
[226] BOOGErs!
[222] adam wasn't there
[221] emotionally exhausted
[220] endless rain
[219] SAl farted on my arm
[218] hi and hello
[217] The fireman told me
[216]if peter pan was naked...
[215] forever temporary
[214] I cant count to...
[213] Butcher's Hook!!!!
[212] iron your lips
[211]Have I told you lately?
[209] who knows what entry...
[202] I'M RETAWDED!
[200] Where have all the...
[199]
[197] 2! 4! 6! 8! WHO DO I...
[195]Its been a while
[191] urg
[192] Even if...
[189] Save the Night
[187] NIKOLA!
[184] my bonnie lied, so I...
[183] Denial, revisited
[181] Blink 182??
[180] OoOOOooOOoBArAcUdA!
[179] mexico pictures finally
[177] I saw your butt and...
[175]thursday night
[174] Its the end of the world
[172] BOP!
[171] Monday Maddness
[170] Hecho en MexicO!
[169] the nite before mexico
[168] SO lame
[166] climax coming in my way
[165] the magical sitar
[164] hungry eyes
[162] Onion rings are...
[161] To Grandma's House She...
[160] THE CAR SHOW!!!!
[158] Polka dancing chEEt-O...
[157] monday
[156] picture this...
[155] pretend for you
[154] one for the road
[153] Didn't tell myself
[152] thoughts compressed
[151] dental floss and remote...
[150] puddles of cream cheese
[147] the cow talks!
[145] an entry to skip
[146] A nice balance
[143] ursala 1000
[140] SO lame and very much...
[139] hollywood horror
[138] and would you...
[136] Say Sneeze?
[137]Say what?
[135]Nothings wrong
[134]so fresh and so...
[132] dont read..
[133] and and and... is DNA...
[131]
[130]the word is oi
[129]look a duck
[127]
[128] fade away real slow
[126] Duckpond
[125] Leona said...
[124] Feed the Sheep
[123]P-P-P-PICTURES!
[121]He needs salt
[120] volcon logic
[119]Incandifamous
[117] ear-lee-ness
[114]It starts
[111]cheerio darling,...
[113] EVERYWHERE!
[110]SO HI
[109]what a hippo called...
[108]tish-a-moo's
[107]and I said whoo whoo
[106]jellyfishing...
[105]Once upon a german...
[104]Eat Our Chips
[103]?sselesnes detsiwt?
[101]Dalmations
[102]100!!!!!!!! BOTTLES...
[100]I LIKE EGGS!
[98]dun dun dun
[97]WHOOOO are you? who...
[95]14 DAYS!
[94]Give me a...
[93]Double what?
[92]pb and smuckers jelly
[91]JENI'S GOT A GUN!
[89]TARZAN RAPED MY FOOT!...
[90]Stringy cheese
[88]Sunday
[86]THE MISSING ENTRY!
[87]BE HAPPY!
[85]Bite my face
[84]Nothing more than...
[82]what flavor is the...
[80]Loads of Laughs
[79] looks like butt
[78]I see bad people
[76]Sitting on the letter...
[74]Warm Bricks and...
[73]so move your car
[70]boys-n-berry chapstick
[69]GET A SIT DIARY!
[68]Its whats for dinner
[67]PICTURES
[66]On behalf of an Ox
[65]BATMAN!
[64]The angry entry
[63]Utters
[62]if u noticed me
[61]Green Pants
[60]i eat rubber bands
[59]break your yoyo
[58]this is a boring entry
[57]don't know why
[56]ducking donkeys,...
[54]KIG-NIG-ITS!
[53]butter scotch tomatoes
[50]hand to hand
[51]Saddened
[49]granny smith apple
[47]gahhhhhh
[45]the size of a peach...
[46]drink my pee
[44]GONE
[43]what if I am a...
[42]and that's what I had...
[41]RAZOR BURN?
[39]Blind Mangos
[38]Effective Butter
[37]Funny Soaps
[35]shoelaces and where...
[34]braindead ducks
[33]Hello kitty committee
[32]and the fork jumped...
[31]I woke up
[30]so I burnt down your...
[29]Boring Bisexual
[28]Bohemian Rapshedy
[27]The berries taste...
[26]turkeys
[25]in my hands again
[24]chunky soup and...
[23]the HAPPY entry
[22] GOOD...
[21] I have to peeeeeee
[19] December 6th
[18] Happiness is Just...
[17]Nothing More Than...
[16]i am happy and I know...
[12]Leaving Spatula
[12]No More School
[10]KB Wasn't Home
[9]15 minutes
[8] And A Side of Buffalo...
[7]Just another day
[6] Head. Shoulders....
[5] Boys Hurt Me
[3]that sucked
[2] Um this is just...
[1]1st entry... EXCITING...
1411 post(s)