i'm leaving for school in about a week. i was excited slash dreading it, then my parents decided to be awesome and told me i was getting a new car, then about a week later (today) they told me that not only am not getting a new car, but i cant take the car i own presently up to school with me. because we have zero money. negative money if i take the car with me. wonderful. so i decided that i wouldnt be able to manage without a car. i decided to stay here and not go to school, get a full time job, save all of it for a full year, then when august came around i'd be set to go to school and have a car. talked to kiefer, he talked me out of it. i'm going to school in a week with no car and my rents have zero money. which by the way they like to remind me about every other day. honestly, its every other day. they sit me down and have a one way chat with me about how much money we're loosing because i'm going to school. fantastic. work hard, work very very hard. it will grandly pay off. keep going.

Oh, it is love From the first time I set my eyes up on yours Thinking "oh, is it love?" Oh dear It's been hardly a moment And you are already missed. There is still a bit of your skin That I've yet to have kissed. Oh say "please do not go" But you know, oh, you know that I must. Oh say "I love you so" And you know, oh, you know you can trust We'll be holding hands once again All our broken plans I will mend. I will hold you tight so you know It is love from the first Time I pressed my hand into yours Thinking "oh is it love?" Oh, dear, it's been hardly three days And I'm longing to feel your embrace. There are several days Until I can see your sweet face. Oh say, wouldn't you like to be older and married with me? Oh say, wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be Someday holding hands in the end All our broken plans will have been. I will kiss you soft so you know It is love from the first Time I pressed my lips against yours Thinking "oh is it love?" These words will be here To ease every fear And dry up every tear And make it very clear I kiss you and I know It is love from the first Time I pressed my lips against yours Thinking "oh is it love?" Oh it is love from the first Time I pressed my lips against yours Thinking "oh is it love?" I kiss you and I know It is love from the first Time I pressed my lips onto yours Thinking "oh is it love?"

i graduated. i'm freaking.. uh.. ya so i did this thing where you graduate.. awkward..?? i'm just confused about the whole thing. but!!--- onto bigger and better things, finally! my favorite grad present so far is a book my cousin gave me. dr seuss oh, the places you'll go! i can't believe it.. it's a children's book, but it was really inspiring to read. i can't believe that it's my favorite so far. &i got an 80 ipod- i liked the book more!! what's up with that? yay, graduation finally came. i've been waiting for this for about as long as i started school.. it came.. =D

i opened a bank account. and today i got my checks and my debit card in the mail. scary. i dont want to grow up. i really dont. it's just way too much fun being little. when i opened my checks my mom was all, "youre the oldest 10 year old i know." haha. oh ya and i hate my sister. it would be really fun to do something on my own that i love, and then not have her copy it. thatd be something different, lets try that. jeezus. honestly, can she think for herself for just a day? holy shit. but whatever. shes the hugest bitch i know, onto subjects of bliss. the fair is coming up soon =)))

im 18. and then i was like, yeah whateva. never ever ever thought i would be pulled to hatred, but hey look you made it so, stupid bitch. like honestly just stupid. dumb. someone named "ilikedoorknobs" is online, haha. so i feel bad for being gay all the time now. ok so just the past two days. but still i feel bad. i have to step it up. him moving away is edging closer and closer. im gona be so bummed, but thats why jesus invented the telephone. i feel like nothing could ever pull us apart. bond is ridiculously strong, its inhuman and i love it. the rat's name is splinter, i remembered it in stagecraft. my life gets inceasingly better and worse. something good happens something not so good. kinda poopie, but whateva. senior ball was terrific. magnificent. splendid. it was magical. everything was perfect. so much fun. i got the pictures back today, we look so cute!! im so stoked on those pictures. senior ball has been over for a month-ish and im still excited about it. idky im just so excited about it still. thats howmuch i anticipated it slash loved it. bed sleep wonderful.

im sho excited. SENIOR BALL!! ive been looking forward to it since freshman year. i am stoked. but brandons a B and hes all, "i dont have money, im not going." fuck that brandon. yes you are. im doing chores so i can earn money to go. you at least have a job. stop spending your money on worthless crap. and i have to convince rachel to go with michael. cuz i love her and i want her to go, and michael loves her and wants her to go, but she doesnt like dances. but its senior ball, hello?? so i'll convince her. she has to go, its gona be wicked fun. then peter asked maddie, so thats bomb! shes a cutie, we'll have fun together. she took the initiative to be my friend and just like accepted me, so thats kool and i love her for that. but so did erica, well maddison did because of erica, so thats tight of them. and christy too. yay friends that are girls. buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut i couldnt be more excited because its already been six months!! i am happier than a dolphin who can fly. plus, im making my dress. how tight am i?? senior ball!! six!! ahh!! stoked. eeeeeeee i like him. =)))

i like him so much its fantastic. greatest christmas present of my life. and i love christmas more than anyone. it was so cute. wonderfully perfect. makes me smile if i even catch a glance at it. does that make sense?? catch a glance at it, hahah. im a dork. but a happy dork, so its ok. =) ive decided that nothing can ruin this. even that last entry thing about the slut, doesnt ruin my happy. nothing can. its here to stay and its not going away. look i can rhyme. bahaha im a loser. &hes great. =)

christmas. my tree is complete. the presents, not so much. =) dont buy me anything. honestly. cuz i'll return it and give you the money. im just making stuff. make me something.

when things get all crappy in my house it makes me miss him more than normal. this whole big dumb thanksgiving thing yuck. i dont like it too much. k not at all. if things went a different way, i'd be sooo down. but its always dumb. oh oh oh last year was wicked fun, i liked thanksgiving last year. cuz it was at my noni's house [my dads moma] and she is a POW BING BANG good cook. and there was sooo many people there from my vegas side of the family. ok nvm my whole family is the vegas side. i mean my dads vegas side. so all my little cousins were there. [im the oldest grandchild on my dads side] (its pretty kool, i like it a lot) so its wicked fun and my noni and opa [grama and grampa] like me a lot. and theyre supa kool and not all gay and mormonish. theyre normal people who make me laugh. we have thanksgiving breakfast mmmmmm, then actual thanksgiving mm. that was a fun one. this year is stupid cuz its me, sister, mom, s dad, and his rents. who are kinda on the evil side. but all this thanksgivingness just means im one step closer to CHRISTMAS!!! yusssssssssss. yippy. yay. mmmmmmmm i love christmas. i love it soooooo much. i love it. i love it. its the best. its all cold, and you get to wear jackets, and people have lights up, and christmas songs and christmas things that make my tummy feel funny, and the treeeeeeeee. the tree is my most favorite part. i love the tree. the tree. christmas!!! its almost here. yes. uh im excited. excited. christmas. yes. mmm. christmas! =)

i am, so its ok. im always alone. at my house, theres always always nobody here but me. idk why... aw its cuz i smell, huh? dang it! but just nobodys ever here sept me. its good tho, i love it. i like having time where i can do whatever i want. take a supa long shower with nobody yelling at me. walk around the house naked. watch whatever movie i want with nobody talking thru it or saying how much theyd rather watch something else. i wana go to a baseball game soooo bad.

its all wrong [k like 89% wrong] which is almost all i hate my life. i hate everything thats going on. i want to go to sleep. i want to sleep all my problems away. i dont wana have to live thru this all. i dont want to grow up. i want to be a kid forever. please? someone take me to neverland. i dont wana have to do all of this. i hate looking for a job. i hate money. why does it all have to happen at once. with things that just keeeeeep pilling on and on and on. how come? my cars broken. we thought it was simple, easily fixed. but its not. so many many many things are wrong. its going to be around 1500 dollars. my parents have to pay 400 dollars a month on the car payment and half the imsurance. i have to pay for all of my gas and the other half of the isurance. which is 150 a month for half the insurance plus whatever gas costs a month. the dogs just got into a shiiiiiiiiiit load of perscription pills so we had to rush them to the vet to get their stomachs pumped and that was 1500 for both combined. so we dont have money to pay for all the shit problems with my car. i dont have money to pay for all the stuff i have to every month, therefore i had to get a job that i REALLY dont want. id rather work at taco bell, thats how much i dont wana work there. we have no money. but everyone in my family keeps going on about their day as if nothing is happening. this is why i dont want to grow up, i dont wana have to worry about money. i really dont want to have to worry about money. the people that dont worry about money have great jobs, they got the great jobs cuz of their great education, the got the great education cuz they had a great amount of money. end result= you dont start out with money- you dont end up with money. unless yer one of those 1 outa million lucky people that get to have their dreams come true. going to beauty school wasnt me taking the easy way out, it was me finding the cheapest way to gain the most money in the end. i made the mistake of telling my mom that i dont really wana go to beauty school, i really want to be a teacher. but we dont have money to send me to school. but mom said its ok. how is that ok?! thats not ok. i wont let her struggle anymore to put me thru school. id never forgive myself if i became successful while she was left with the bills. and she wouldnt ever let me pay her back cuz it was for school, not for like clothes. and kiefers mad at me i dont know why. i keep fucking up with him. i have the greatest relationship in the history of the universe, and yet i keep screwing it up once everything gets really good. i suck at life. i hate this. hes wonderful. hes awesome. i love him, but i always mess it up. i even messed up saying it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i totally fucked that over. came a little close to recking my car on the way home cuz i was hitting myself in the head. i really suck at everything. my grades are bad, as usual. i completely made an idiot out of myself in mock trial tonight. i knew that part backwards and forwards, but when i spoke it all came out wronggg. im horrible. and this whole me always fucking up everything with kiefer is really starting to get to me really bad. i dont know whats wrong with me, but i always end up royally screwing everything up so baaaaaaaaaad. ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. huh... i kinda wana make this dumb entry private... its just me complaining about money and all these stupid things that i keep doing that are gay. whatever i guess. i'm just going to sleep now. its 7:30 so what.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh i like him. i cant wait for all the more awesome stupendous spactacular extravagent things to come. its been the greatest so far [three months wooo!], and i cant wait for more. this is the best time ive ever had in my whole life and i know its getting better and better and better. im so stoked on that. i couldnt be happier. i have a great life. exvept my "job" is totally gay. ROBEKS- HIIIIIIRE ME. god i want them to so bad. this picture place in the mall is a joke. meeeeehh.

i got it... i really did. yuuuuussssssssssss. the dood was all, " ok well you messed up here and here, and you need to watch yer speed and yer blind spot, so you missed 10, but you passed." i was like "..." it was great. im excited. for more than just my license. <333

he made it he made it he made it! im so proud of him. =) very sad, but im still proud. it means hes leaving... but still happeee! right? yes. yes happy for him. weeeeee. oh that means hes all old. hes so oldddddd! hes going to college! ok not yet, but hes accepted. so he will be going. ughhh im jealousssss. i wish i was going to college. first community college, then i can go hopefully. yay?

past two days i've had theee weirdest dreams ever. yesterday was so greaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. i love it. a whole day with kiefer. so much fun, so awesome, jsut great. hopefully today we watch a bunch of movies. cuz im excited for it. for the past two days all i've had is burger king... hhahaha. and the dude that works there noticed that i go in a lot. hahahaha. i do go in a lot. haha but sooo yesterday so fun. in everyway. in sexual ways, in cleanliness ways, in fun ways, in friends ways. i loved it. i got to play video games! yay! hahaha. dylans house is pretty kool. i miss video games. ever since we've lived in this house i havent played any cuz nobody i guess can figure out why the stereo wont work and i guess we need it to work in order to have the game thing work... gay. but jade and i want a game cube really bad so we can play all the mario games. i meeees those. but shower mmmmm. bangin body? answer- yesss. k im gona take a shower. third in two days weirdddddddddd. sept the second doesnt count cuz i didnt wash anything hahahahhahahaha.

but i am so jealous.

im bored n i was on to pass the time. listened to some good songs. ate some fat kid food. k im running now, bye.

i know, right?

im so excited. i got two presents left on my door step today. how exciting. the first was a sweetshirt from kiefer=) and im angry with him for not saying hi to me when he came by. he does that a lot. jerk. haha ya but im stokeddd on that. and the second one was from some random person from my church left me cup cakes, rang my doorbell, and ran. it was cute. haha. so i ate em like a fat kid. but ya ive been sickkkkkkk, so gay. i hate being sick, i hate it. i dont get sick, this is stupid. it was bad too. i had a really bad fever, like the kind where you cant control yer emotions. i was laying on the couch all weird n i said, "this isnt comfortable" then i cried a little! hahaha! it was funny, i was laughing and crying at the same time cuz i knew i was crying for no reason, so i laughed, but i couldnt help it. so i was like, "im sick. and i dont like it." it was pathetic. my mom was like, idk if i should laugh withyou or try to help you... hahaha sick is gay. im going to school tomorrow whether or not i feel better cuz i cant stand being in this house anymore. yuck. k i have to go blow my nose.

so i guess im doing a shoot soon...? everyones been buggin me about it. i friken posted a BULLITEN on the space about having one and now eveeeeeeeryone knows about it and wants to be in it. i said in the bulliten that i wanted people who are comfortable with their bodies. you can be fat, skinny, ugly, pretty- whatever as long as yer comfortable. cuz i want sexually suggestive poses and clothes for my pictures. im doing a shoot of breezy in chonies on a poker table with poker chips n cards n such. i havent decided if i want her faace in the pictures er not. im doing another one with everyone in chonies and theyre going about their day as if theyre in clothes n everything is normal. i need some brave souls for that one, haha. thats why i went to the space. hahaha thats so gay. anyways. i need more ideas. i need some inpiration or something. well, i Have ideas. i have like 60 million ideas in my head all the time for pictures, but i dont have people who cooperate good enough to do them. pisses me off. but pictures i REEEEEEEEEEEEALLY WANT is ones of the boys playing together. like alllllll the time after their polo games they like play around with eachother and its the cutest thing everrrrr. i want pictures of it for my class sooo bad. cuz its all bright out, and the pool is next to them all crazy blue, then theyre all crazy tan, the colors look amazing. and its bright cuz the pool deck is like blinding, so that'll be perfect cuz the pictures turn out too dark too often. i want those pictures.