Listening to: Baby Girl - Sugarland
I demand you ph3ar the deepness of this next entry.
Have you ever been happy just to be alive? Have you ever woken up one morning and gone "I'm me. I am and I am alive. I can walk, I can talk and I can . I'm here. On this planet. I am alive and I am grateful for it."
Or maybe not even waking up. Just like...walking across a room. I came to an ephiphany yesterday. I was walking across the room at my uncles house, and he offered me a Pepsi. And all the sudden in my head, I was like "This is me. I am Katie Hatcher and I am alive. I can drink this Pepsi and I can do whatever I set my mind to. I can jump, I can dance, I have friends. I have people who miss me when I'm gone and I have people who I can't live without. I'm alive, in this infinte universe, just a tiny pinprick or a dot on the radar of life (Or a piece of dust in the vacum cleaner of life, XD XD RACH!!! w00t) and yet...I'm here. This is what I'm doing...I'm walking across the floor. I doing something."
Interesting, huh? I can't really describe what happened or what went through my head.
Then I started thinking "why? why am I here? Why am I walking across this floor or existing at all? What's my purpose? Am I suppose to help people? Inspire people? Teach? Am I suppose to be spectacular? Or just mediocre? Can I really reach for the stars or is it just out of my grasp? Can I, Katie Hatcher, make a difference in this world? Or am I just a nameless face, to be lost forever in the history of everything, like so many others."
So I decided, No. I don't want to be just a nameless face. I want to be someone to people. Maybe I won't be remembered forever, but I will make a difference in one persons life, like so many others have made a difference in mine.
And now...I just want to Thank God for everything.
Oh yes. I'm getting religious on your asses. Fear me dammit.
(Heh. Aren't I such a good christian?)
Well...ok, prepare for life storyishness. I've been raised as a christian my entire life. I really don't know what its like not to know God or to not go to church on sundays or to not pray. But really...just in the past 2 months or so, ESPECIALLY at camp, I've just gotten...
A whole lot closer, I guess. Before, I felt like I was faking it. Because I was. I was a faker and I knew it. I doubted God, and I doubted what he did in my life and I doubted everything. I wasn't living for him and I was envious of all my friends who were always "the good christian girls". (HAH! RACH! YOU BROWNER! >.> J/k I heart you and Bozer)I always saw myself as "the bad one", the black sheep, the bad influence. I wanted, what I wanted and I wanted it now. I cried when things didn't go my way and I didn't trust in Gods plan for me. Hell, I doubted he even existed, and because of that, I was scared. I was scared of death, I was scared of living and doing what I wanted and going out of my comfort zone and standing up and speaking out.
And now...I'm not. *shrugs*
And yes, I know that a lot of you who read this, aren't christian. And yeah, part of the reason I don't talk religion all that often to people who aren't christian is because they have questions, but I don't have answers. I know people who have the answers though. I just can't remember them. And yes, I am against gay marriage. Bring on the angry mobs and deny me my right to speak, just as you claim we deny yours. Its not that I don't like the people, I know people who are Bi and what not *coughKaylaandArmokcough* I love them. But their choices? Not so fond of.
*shrugs* Its just a part of me you'll have to deal with.
And yeah, I won't always argue these points, because as I said before...I don't have all the answers. And I'm still scared.
And now, I might get comments from people saying "Oh so your christian and you think you're better then everyone else on Gods green earth"
No. I don't think that. Hell, I'm a pretty bad person. I've done things that I regret and I've made choices that I shouldn't have. But I'm not better then anyone else. So don't accuse me of that, mmk?
Alright. Deepness over now. Go back to your regular programming.
edit- After further consideration on this entry. I believe I had a "realization about the meaning of life" thing yesterday. For a few (Short, short) moments. I understood life.