Listening to: Running To Stand Still - U2
I can't describe how I feel right now...Let's make a list shall we?
1. Pissed. Because Michelle took my purple arm warmers and keeps calling my blue ones ugly. HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT BEFORE IT SINKS IN?!? I DO NOT GIVE A DAMN WHETHER YOU LIKE THEM OR NOT!
2. When I show people my biography for English. I'm doing Bono, cause I like him, his music and his causes. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate it when people go "Ew, U2" or "U2 sucks" Let me make this PERFECTLY FUCKING CLEAR! JUST BECAUSE YOU DO NOT LIKE THEM, DOES NOT MEAN THEY SUCK! I HONESTLY DO NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR OPNION! See # 1.
3. I think I want to break up with him. But I don't know how/I don't want to alinate everyone at youth/I honestly do not know how I feel, just that I've been doing everything to get out of Valentines with him. God, what is wrong with me?
4. I'm scared of myself. Right now, I am honest to god, scared of myself. I need someone to talk to, but I can't talk to Matt and no one else is on...There's very few people who would understand...Very few.
5. I'm bawling my eyes out and I don't know why and its making me mad.
6. I miss him. But sometimes I wonder if I really do, or if I'm just making it up. I wonder if I really feel the way I do, or if my minds playing tricks on me. I want to make sure I feel that way...But I can't and it's killing me inside. Because what if its just me, being me. AKA, I'm a user. I use people. I did it to Josh, I think I did it to Matt and now, maybe him. I hope I didn't. But I don't know.
7. I hate having to fake a smile through the day. I hate having to fake being happy. I hate that can't say what I feel to Matt. I hate that I pull away from everyone. I hate having to fake I'm happy over MSN, just so I can avoid questions. Right this very moment, I hate myself.
8. School is going to kill me. Its the first week and I'm already drowning.
9. I think that's it.
How's that for a revealing look into the life of Katie?
She's a fuck up. Welcome to me.