Listening to: Paradise - Vanessa Carlton
I have tried to write this entry, two. fucking. times.And something keeps screwing up. So let me try this again.
My Mom is going to Myrtle Beach. without me. During bike week.Well fuck, why don't you just slap me right now? Probably hurt less.I know it sounds stupid and I really don't care. But I get really attached to people, places and things. Hell, I still have a blanket that I sleep with.But anwyays. Myrtle Beach is my second home. I know my way around it better then I know my way around St. Catharines(Mike and Kayla can attest to this), I know where to go, what to do, where to stay and where to eat.And my Mom knows this. Very well. And she's going without me. Durning Bike Week.BitchShe just went "oh, by the way, I'm going to Myrtle Beach in May for 4 days."I got pissed.Still am actually.Because that's the last place we went on a family vacation. With my DadAnd my Dad was here last night, dropping off papers for my Mom or somethingAnd he waited in the backyard. And Kimberly and Josh were on the trampoline yelling "watch me, watch me!"And he did. And I could've cried. Because he had to leave.And he just...fit in the backyard, you know? Like he should be there.But he had to go. And I can't remember it.I can't remember what it was like to have two parents in the same house. And I can't remember what it was like to have my Dad wake me up in the morning, and tuck me in at night and make me lunch. I can't remember.And it really really hurts.And...when we're out at a resturant for someone's birthday and we're all at the same table, sitting together and laughing and talking.And I pretend that's how it is all the time. And that I get to go home, and my Dad will be there too.But it's not. And I hate that it's not.I hate it. But it's been 8 years, I'm supposed to be over it. But sometimes, I'm not. Like when I want to go to Myrtle Beach.I wanna be seven and walking on the beach with my parents again.I would give up anything and EVERYTHING to go back to that. And to stay like that forever.And I could go.But she won't take me/us.And that hurts.I cried while making this entry. Which makes me feel stupid.Fin.~Katie