Listening to: Clocks - Coldplay
Still thoughtful really, I guess I had more on my chest to get off than I thought.
Why do I want it? I don't understand why I want the stupid fairy tale ending. I don't know why I want somebody there with me. Can't I do this by myself? Ever since I can remember, I've always had a crush. Always. I don't know why. Why do I need to attach myself to a guy to feel complete? I'm not even kidding either, when I got my heart broken by my first crush, I immediately went around the class, trying to find somebody else to crush on, because...I didn't know what else to do. If I didn't have a crush, what would I do? Who would I dream about, fantasize about? It didn't make sense. It still doesn't make sense, because I do the same thing nowadays. Except with boyfriends that I can't see, and I can't feel, and I want them to just shut up and tell me they love me. Why do I need that sort of acceptance?
Why do I dream of falling asleep next to somebody, every single night?
And I just did it again. Do I need acceptance from somebody to prove that...I can exist? What would I think about, if I didn't have somebody to daydream about?
Would I be better off? Maybe I would concentrate better, maybe I would be able to work better.
But then again, would I be happy?
Am I happy right now? I'd like to think I was. Do I need a boyfriend or a "boy" in general to make me that way though?
Too many questions, not enough answers.