Listening to: Faint - Linkin Park
I'm confused. About a lot of things. Most of all him. How can someone be such an asshole sometimes? And why do I keep fighting for our friendship, when it's so, entirely fucking obvious that he could not care less? Of course he doesn't care.
Is it because I keep losing everyone else? I mean, I don't know.
I guess I'm wondering how much more pathetic I can get before I do something about it. Probably a lot more. I don't even know why I bother to put this down, he doesn't read this, and I won't ever get up the guts to say something about it, because God forbid we stop talking to each other. Ugh. I frustrate myself sometimes. Actually, a lot of the time.
So I'm bad at math. Which is what I've known all along. It's not that I don't want to pass, and it's not like I don't try. I do try. I just fucking suck. 12/30. Twelve out of FUCKING thirty, and I tried. I fucking tried. I understood all of it, and I can't do it right, and I don't know why I can't fucking do it right. And it frustrates me.
What if I fail again? I don't think I could take failing again.
After all, who's going to comfort me this time?
I don't think it's because I miss him. I think it's because I miss the kind of relationship we used to have, and the person I thought he was. Or still is. I think he's faking all this shit now. Or maybe he was faking it all before.
I don't know which one would hurt more.