Listening to: In the Backseat - The Arcade Fire
Who the fuck cares if I get a boyfriend? Why does it matter, who needs it, how does it affect the world?
I guess I could blame it on my genes. People are programmed to want to reproduce, aren't we? It follows that I would want to find someone. But not just for sex, it is never just about sex, although sometimes, I wish it was, it is so much easier to deal with things when they've been reduced to base instincts. Sex is a basic instinct. Otherwise, who the hell would do it? It's actually pretty gross once you think about it, and I think about it far too often. Or maybe not often enough.
So what's wrong with me? Why can't I get a boyfriend, what is so wrong with ME. I see all these people, all the time, break up with one guy, move onto the next within a month, and how come I can't do that? What is so wrong with me that I can't even manage to talk to a boy like a normal person?
Why why why why why why?
I don't think I'm ugly, and I know I'm smart, but it just seems like whenever there's a boy around he's either interested in some other girl, or at best, not interested in me, at all. And WHY is that, what is it about ME that is so damn off putting, such a complete turn off? I've seen uglier girls than me get boyfriends, I've seen meaner girls than me
is wrong with me?
Why do I even think something is wrong with me? Maybe something is wrong with everybody else, MAYBE I'm the only normal one.
I don't know anymore.
I just want a boy.
Really, really badly.