Listening to: Good Vibrations - Beach Boys
I've had this for almost four years now. Well hot damn and holy shit. Kinda weird to think that what is mostly likely among the most intimate moments of my life from the past four years is on the internet for all to see.
I feel like I should make a happy entry. I don't make enough of those. I have a lot to be happy about, I suppose that's why I don't write in here very often anymore.
I'm going to France in almost exactly a month. 12 days in a country, completely alone. Completely free.
I want to get drunk. Just once, just to see what it feels like. I want to dance with a french boy who doesn't know my name, i want to be anonymous and completely rebellious. I am going to get myself in trouble, and I can't wait.
My site is taking off. I like it. He joined it. Don't know why, didn't figure Sailor Moon for his cup of tea, but that's alright. I'm kind of glad things happened the way they did, we would be awkward. Too awkward, in fact, I would have panicked and left him anyways.
I got asked out on Saturday night. It was an extremely mediocre date. For some reason, I have this bad habit of attracting boys that I have absolutely nothing in common with whatsoever. I mean nothing. We both like hockey, that's about it. We don't even like the same hockey team.
Seriously, I don't know what the hell.
I secretly think it's because I represent myself as something I'm not when I talk with people I don't know very well. He was a nice guy, but there was nothing there. No spark, no...nothing. I don't know why I'm so afraid of opening up to people, or why I say things like I do, or why I type the way I type, or why I do anything, except that after the fact I usually go "what the hell? That's not like me at all" and then it goes downhill from there. He called me hot though, that was kind of nice. I went to his house. We watched a movie. He doesn't like Moulin Rouge, it would never have worked.
Am I a bitch for wanting a spark? Do people even have that or is it something my mind made up? Because I've dated boys who I had nothing in common with besides a website, and that was great, because there was chemistry, there was something there that made it great.
I'm going to a banquet on Friday. That shall be nice. I need a ribbon for my dress. I wish I had the short purple bubble dress, because it looked gorgeous on me. Stupid zipper. Ah well.
I'm going to start running tomorrow. No, really, I am.