Listening to: C'mon, C'mon - The Von Bondies
It still hurts sometimes, you know.
I'm pretty much okay with us nowadays, and we're cool and good and whatever.
But every once in a while, I think about it. I think about what we had, what we might've had, what we lost, what you trampled on, and it twinges.
In completely innocuous situations, it hurts. Listening to some songs, it reminds me, and it hurts.
It hurts really bad.
You're right, I will never, ever, ever be able to trust you the way I did. I told you things I had never told anybody before in my entire life, I let you in, in a way that I was afraid to let anybody else in, and you scarred me for life.
Yeah, it was a petty little teenage romance that would've never worked out, could not have possibly gotten much further than it did. And I don't give a fuck, really, because you stomped on my heart, and then spent a year tap dancing repeatedly over it.
You brought up my fucking pathetic ways. You rubbed that in my face.
I wish I could talk to you as easily as we did once upon a time, I wish I could still want to start conversations and wait for the magic to happen, but it doesn't work that way, so I'm sorry.
I can't even say I love you jokingly, because I'm still afraid you'll use that against me somehow.
I don't keep denying it because I don't, but I literally cannot put myself in a position where you have that kind of sway over me ever again.
Every single time I think I'm over and done with this shit, something happens and brings it up, and I'm mad at you all over again.
On the other hand, you really did break the barrier between my real life, and my online life. I can talk to my friends about my internet friends now, I mentioned you to my mom, and I wasn't afraid. So that was something you were good for.
But you put up the barriers too. You called me an emotional brick wall once, remember? There's two reasons for that wall that I can't break through.
My parents and their shitty ass idea of what constitutes a divorce.
it still fucking hurts
I don't know why I get so upset over you anyways, it was just 7 months of my life, not like that's any great length of time, and we fought a bunch and you told me you didn't care, so.
PS, if you, for some GODFORSAKEN REASON, stumble across this, don't you dare, and I mean don't you fucking DARE bring it up unless you have such a fucking good reason it would make Mother fucking Teresa bow at your feet, and fuck you if that doesn't make sense, it's 3AM and I don't care anymore.