Listening to: I'll Be Seeing You by Billie Holliday
It's been a few years but I plan to start writting again. I think I had some pretty good blogs in here... you guys seem to enjoy it since most or my posts have between 100-600 hits on them. Anyways. I woke up this morning to find Jackie dead. He was at the end of the bed on the floor, in the corner. And his body was still letting out strange breaths and noises but he was gone. I still wrapped him in a blanket and lifted him as if he were a china doll and placed him on the bed. Poor Jackie cat. And there I sat with this poor lifeless body, wrapped up, in my lap. I had loved this cat I swear more than any other human or animal. Not to say I have never loved nor cared about an animal or human but this little guy was my everything.
You see Jackie had been an ally cat. Straight up raw and rugged ally cat. I had descovered him while I was a child living in a condow complex with my mother. It was winter and he was sitting a few houses down under some bushes cold as anything. He at one point got a small nip of frost bite on one ear. When ever i'd get home from school, before my mother would get home from work... i'd let him in to warm up. I'd even give him a bit of food. A year passed and we were about to move to the country. Throught out the time that I had lived there, I has asked many neighbours who he belonged to and would every so often try the number on his collar which was always not in service. 4 of them had told me that Jackie had been there for about 4 years and didn't belong to anyone. He was a stray they all took turns feeding.
On the day my mother and I were moving, it was the last load of stuff and I asked her if I could take this stary cat with me. At first she said no, like most parents do. I asked and asked and finally she gave in. Ticked off she told me "fine. find that stupid cat but you have 15 mins and we are leaving." I ran everywhere calling this cat and looking in every place he liked to go. Finally, after 20 mins, I found him and scooped him up. He was not impressed and had no idea what was happening. I jumped in the car with him and we drove off.
That cat and I were together ever since.
He was one of the greatest mousers i'd ever seen. He at one oint brought me home a baby rabbit, small weasel (trust me those things can mess up or kill cats), numbers of birds and mice... the list goes on. We trusted each other too. So much trust, I have never really and don't think still trust anyone or thing as much as I did that cat. I knew all his meows. We'd even argue with each other. He had such personality... And I knew he loved me. Don't get me wrong, he could have left at any point and went back to being an ally cat. But we had an agreement and as long as we let each other be free and come and go then we'd always come back to each other. I'd always try to go out in the rain or hail and search for him. I hardly gave up untill I found him.
I loved the way he smelled. Every animal did. Dogs would always try to come up and just sniff him. He was so other worldly at times too. and LOVED the out doors where he could be free.
Even once a dog tried to eat him and when I grabbed the dog he saw I had her tight and yelled at him to run, and he did. He ran and trusted me that he'd be safe. For at that time he had to run right under the dogs legs. But over my dead body would I have let that dog get him. Sorry dog, but talk about animal instinct. I would have wrecked her. Luckly nothing happend. And the dog was fine. And honeslty a good dog. She just hated small animals and had gotten out.
I feel sick from crying so much. But I know i'll get over it one day, or at least one day the pain will be dulled. My instinct, like most animals, tells me to slink off alone to be sad and alone. However because I am human, this isn't a good idea. You see when humans get sad, all maners of thoughts creep into their heads and nest. You never know what will come of it. When the darkness creeps in it can get very dangerous. And esspecially because we like to feel to know we're alive, that means pain doesn't hurt so much. So you see alot of things can happen. That's why I feel it's safe and good to be around people off and on. And let them feel like they can and are helping.
I think that is all for today. Not my best entry but give me time. I'm just sad my best friend died. You know something though, it wasn't that bad finding him dead. I knew I could handle it and get his body where it needed to go, and I would like to think that he trusted me enough to die at the end of the bed instead of asking to go out and never seeing him again.