(edit for progress)Ok, I need to make a to do list. -Study for Grids final -Finish CD packaging (almost done) -Study for Graphic Design History final (done!:) -Finish the 3 GDH projects -Make Libraries closing presentation for Cyber Theory -Cyber Theory Final -Effective Speaking Persuasive speech -Group project for effective speaking -Turn in Club Packet complete All within the next two weeks.. I want to cry :(

So, I could write this in a diary so no one could possibly read it. but it feels good to know that there is a possibility that I dont have to be the only person who reads it. Weird, right? I want to be honest with myself. And blunt. Get to the root of things. Or try to at least. I am extremely narcissistic. I like to look at myself. I LOVE to look at myself. At least while I look like this. I know/hope that I grow out of it or it turns into pure confidence. But for now, I don't mind that I am so into myself. I'm realizing that I am attractive and that confidence also goes a long way. People might have a problem with that but I really don't mind because it's just a phase. Or am I just making excuses? Who knows. I am a jealous person. When it comes to friends and boyfriends and even family's attention sometimes, I get really jealous. I let my mind wander too far in the wrong directions sometimes and I end up getting depressed for no reason but that I make up stuff in my mind about situations that aren't happening. I have developed a phobia of earthquakes. If I feel some kind of vibration I think there's an earthquake and I start feeling dizzy and seeing things as if they are moving or something. My adrenaline rushes and I can feel pressure in my head: like a panic attack. I need control and that is when I get triggered to have an attack. But I am working on it and I've been good about that for over a year so I'm doing good. I am an out of sight out of mind type of person. I'm sure everyone is but lately I've been really like that. I get involved with so many extracurricular things that I get stressed out and don't want to do anything anymore. But when I am in the moment with whatever I am working on, then I am totally having fun. It's weird. I think I need to organize myself better. Just gotta be more productive and turn off my laptop, haha. Well, thanks for listening to me sort my thoughts even though no one comes to my page, I feel like I should thank the universe in general. Life is crazy. Who would have thought? I love it. Things I am currently working on: College Work Mural Project 2 Acting Classes Acting/Modeling in general Starting my own club at college Organizing/doing a show with my acting class Art on the side for fun Having a boyfriend chores etc. Doesn't seem so intimidating now that I can look back and read the list. :) F.I. V

I want everyone to fucking leave me alone.

Happy Thanksgiving. I am very thankful for everything I have and for all my experiences. I just wish this day would have been more like we planned at first. But despite some changes I am ready for it to be an amazing day. Thanks

Wake up at 1 o'clock. Realize I'm hungry so I get some food and sit down in front of an episode of Heroes to eat. Decide to watch just one more episode cuz its so good. Eat a tube of ritz just because. Then another episode and I grab some ice cream. and another episode and some more ice cream.. See the issue here?! So I take a shower and notice how bothered I am that I ate so mindlessly especially while Im trying to lose weight. So I go for a bike ride. Ahh. Thats much better. Shower again! I love being a Virgo hah. Anyway.. Boyfriend issues. Best friend is across the country. And I need a friend so I can stop wallowing. Welllllll, homework should help I guess.

When Brian and Sarah began dating, her friends were envious. Brian was smart, sensitive, funny, athletic, and good-looking. For the first couple of months, Sarah seemed happy. She started to miss her friends and family, though, because she was spending more time with Brian and less time with everyone else. That seemed easier than dealing with Brian's endless questions. He worried about what she was doing at every moment of the day. Sarah's friends became concerned when her behavior started to change. She lost interest in the things she once enjoyed, like swim meets and going to the mall. She became secretive and moody. When her friends asked if she was having trouble with Brian, she denied that anything was wrong. Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person. Sadly, lots of relationships don't have these qualities — and many turn abusive. In fact, 1 in 11 high school students report being physically hurt by a date. People in abusive relationships sometimes mistake the abuse for intense feelings of caring or concern. It can even seem flattering. Think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous: Maybe it seems like your friend's partner really cares. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust; it doesn't mean constantly worrying about the possible end of the relationship

So I started my day out as any other. Wake up at 5 45 to get to school in time for zero period. Usually I dread it but I found a heads up pennie lying on the floor and i picked it up and put it in my pocket and got ready for a good day :) I went thorugh all my classes very fast since today was a minimum day. I picked up The Little Princess from the library and then I got on the bus to come to Mattel super early for my internship. I worked on my copy for this special project I'm doing and I turned it in for review. As I was walking to the printer I noticed a big pile of Mach 5 Hot Wheels on one of the counters with a sign that said free toys so I took a Mach 5 and a little Matchbox Jeep and a property pass and voila! MY bf is also picking me up today so thats good too :):) OK i gtg back to work. :]

Time goes by so fast whenever I come to work [my internship]. That's a good sign. :]

Yaayy So i got here early today so I get to leave early too :) My boyfriend, James, is going to pick me up today so I don't have to take the bus home tonight. Sweet. So. Halloween was chill but also pretty boring. I went to my boyfriends show that night and most of the time I just sat around. I didn't know anyone and that wasn't really my crowd. It was at this latin bar where the band my boyfriend plays in plays at since they're a latin rock band. So that was ok. I dressed up as a sassy catholic school girl :) I can't wait to see his other band play. Right now I'm wating for my next thing to do at my internship soooooooooooooooo yeah. Baii OH and today i found out that this one kid that goes to my school, who is pretty hot, and was in that popular crowd where they go and club and think they're the shit bc they smoke weed all the time .well I found out that a couple weeks ago he ODed on PCP and now he's like actually retarded. That trips me out. Ok bye for real :]

Oh lookie here I'm the only active user as of this moment that's not a first. :] Ok off to my interningness. Today I'm working with a structural package designer. See ya

I got to my internship a little early today as usualy so I'm just killing time right now. :) So I'm not going to Knott's Scary Farm but that's ok because I'm assuming next year will be even better. Today the interns are going on a tour of this building where they like shoot all the products for advertisements and television. I'm excited :) But I'm not excited to find out what my little assignment is I have to do in a few minutes. BUT IT WILL BE AMAZING. probably not. :) <3

Halloween is this Friday! woot! I'm planning on going to Knott's Scary farm with James on Saturday. Only three days till the weekend.

I got an internship with the largest toy company in the world. So far I have named a bunch of toys and a name I've come up with is going to be on a toy coming out in the next fall from now. How rad is that? Right now I'm supposed to be brainstorming but I just wanted to take the time and finally write another diary entry since I haven't written one for at least half a year. I have a new boyfriend named James. He's pretty much one of the coolest boyfriend ever. He is a professional guitarist, he's in two bands, and hes a TA at Musicians Institute in Hollywood and also gives private lessons. Pretty sweet, right? I know. So. Today I watched the bus leave without me at like 1:08 because I was walking toward it and didn't get to the bus stop in time. So I was like whatever I'll just wait another 20-30 minutes for the next bus. But 30 minutes pass and it doesn't show up. So after two southbound buses pass by (same line) FINALLY a northbound one comes up at like 2:00. That was annoying. And now I have no stay here until 5:00 but that's ok since I only have like an hour and a half and I don't really have much assigned to me for the time being. I still have to work on my boyfriend's and my Halloween costumes. We're going to be mad scientists. It's harder than it seems to actually portray that though :/ Baii

I quit track a few weeks ago and switched into drama (which is a really retarded class). I somewhat wish I didn't but I know that running started to make me miserable. It also made me feel amazing. It was basically love or hate.. I signed back up for cross country in the fall. The tough part is just getting back into the running mode. Then I will be able to do the long run once again. I really miss it. I get emotional when I watch a track meet or just some kids racing eachother in a movie. Running was my life. I want it back. On a brighter note I suppose, I have a new boyfriend as of sometime early Feb. His name is Kevan and I know I am lucky to have him. And I'm lucky he feels the same about me. Oh, and he is absolutely gorgeous. We are a hot couple :) I have sty infections in both of my eyes. It isn't visible unless I flip my eye lids over and you can see a bump in both eyes. It's gross but funny because my friend Alex gags when I show it to him. Overreactor. hehe. So, a lot has happened since my last entry. So much that I don't even want to mention a lot of it. I joined the Hungarian Folk Ensemble in LA. It's really fun and I had my first performance on march 11. We will have our next one in San Fransico early April :) I'm excited. It is so much fun. Oh yeah, and in July last year we moved again. This time my moms boyfriend lives with us. blahh Gummi Maci :)

being the only active user on sitdiary.. Oh well. Life is sad,what more can i say? <3

Hm.. I'm feeling better than before. Now that things are clearing up a bit. For now. Ugh. I'm hungry. I finally ran a long run today, which is good. Very good. And now I need some water. XC off-season officially started yesterday. Yay. I hated the drama that came with track. ughghgh. But now it's over *dances* Man is it going to be a change to see all the incoming freshmen next year...

Ok so I already wrote a long ass thing but I hit cancel on accident. So. Basically. I did pretty well today with my 800. And I feel better overall. Yeah. I get to leave for vegas at 3 am tomorrow and come back at like 8pm. which will be pretty lame but cool because i haven't seen some people in a while and it will be fun.

I went to a Landmark Education forum for three days over the weekend. I learned a lot. But it's hard to keep it all and apply it to every moment of my life. I had a track meet today. I ran the 800m. I suppose I need to train more efficiently since the entire first lap and a half I was in first place. Then I died and dropped down to 5th place. Oh well. I have another chance Friday. I don't know what to do with myself lately. I'm thinking that's good? Or that it just doesn't matter and I'll keep living life.

So today I finally got the courage to say something to him. And in the end he tells me that he doesn't see the relationship working out. Something about a new mindset starting the new relationship or whatevr. I noticed it too. But I'm going to stop writing about this. Because I just might start crying. And I really don't need that. Not just yet. I have so much going on this weekend. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. But I know it can be done.. Hopefully.

Hmmk so. I am very determined to talk to him tomorrow sometime during the day. I almost did today but I chickened out. I know it it's not a good relationship when I feel intimidated to talk to him about ANYTHING. It's sad. I really don't want this to go on any longer. I feel like I'm just dragging something on when it shouldn't be forced. I just need to talk to him. It's going to hurt. Oh god it will hurt. But in the end it will have been the right decision.. Project Touch helped. I'm glad I went.. Goodnight.