Always Getting What You Want
Listening to: Circa Survive
Feeling: abnormal

Fuck everything.

Seriously.

No. Whatever that's happening is horrible. So horrible it's going to hurt everyone. I know it is. It's all going to end badly. And I don't want it to, so I want everything to stop. But, then again, I don't. The mutual feeling is nice, and getting butterflies from it is nice, but it's bad at the same time. Really, man? What brought this on so suddenly? What are we doing?

Fuck life,

Fuck my parents,

Fuck school,

Fuck most of the people in the world,

Fuck you.

Male. I honestly don't give a shit right now. I don't care how you feel towards what's going on. I already let you know that a lot was going on and I wasn't ready for anything. No. I don't need your help, I'm getting through it. And another thing, you don't say anything whenever I do try to let you in on my life. It's just, "Hmm. I don't know what to say." Then don't fucking ask? Sorry? And don't doubt me. It's pushing me away even more. Don't. Doubt. Me. I'd rather not be serious.

Parents.  I wish you would kick me out already. I don't like being trapped. I don't like being pressured. I don't like anything that goes on in our home. Sorry to say this, I'm growing up. I'm growing up and sadly I'm not becoming what you wanted in a perfect daughter. I'm the complete opposite. But that's just how I am. Medicine isn't going to help me. No one thinks so.

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Hey Baby, Here's That Song You Wanted.
Listening to: Blessthefall
Feeling: sick

I'm sickly. Cold and cough. Turns out Tyler has it too. Hah. I told him, "You gave me your cough over the phone." And he said he was sorry. Silly. I'm going to the doctor in a few. Hopefully it's nothing serious. It probably isn't. But I'm sort of leaning towards it being my bronchitis coming back to haunt me. That stuff hurt. Oh well. We'll see.

Tyler and I had a long talk yesterday. We're going to see each other soon. He's a great guy. I like him a lot. The only thing that's getting me is that some of the things he says reminds me of Harry. Bad? Yes. Like I said. I'm getting over it. Tyler's pretty amazing :)

--------

March 3rd/4th :)))

I met him. He's adorable. All thanks to Nina. I was talking to her about him and she asked me if I had met him yet. And I said I didn't. She told me to call him. I did. I talked to him for a couple of minutes and then Nina said she wanted to talk to him. She talked to him a bit and then asked him if he thought I was cute, he said yes. She asked him if he had met me yet. He said no. She asked if he would like to meet me. And he said of course. She then said, "How about tonight?" My face- :O -> :D

We drove about 45 minutes. We met him and his friend Shawn. We drove on back roads listening to music and just talking about stuff. And he gave me butterflies :)

Nina told him that whenever we wanted to hang out we could. She would just need gas money sometimes. It was cool with all of us. And it made me extremely happy.

I had been awake for so many hours. No sleep. At all. Reasons? A lot going on. Me, Nina and Andrew. We hadn't slept in a while. I'd been with them for most of it. We went through it together.

March 4th/5th

I was the most grumpy person ever. Nina noticed. Andrew noticed. Nina said I wasn't Maleeha. I said, "I know." It's because I was so tired. My body was. My mind was racing. I'd been quiet most of the time.

March 5th/6th

I met Andrew's little brothers. Zach/Zack and Keenan [I'm assuming that's how you spell their names]. Keenan is the most adorable little kid I've seen in a long time. 12 years old. And he's shorter than me. He was quiet most of the time. Probably because he was observing us. Nina said he reminded her of Andrew. And I saw it too.

Nina, Andrew and I were all so tired. We just needed sleep. And this time we were tired out of our minds. We were just like, "I want to lay down and never get up."

In the last 72 hours we all had 4 hours of sleep. Total. When I got home. I talked to Tyler for a little bit. I realized it was Saturday and was so happy I slept for 10 hours. I still need more. And I'm probably going to crawl back into bed after I update this thing. I feel bad for Nina and Andrew because they have to work. Andrew's working two jobs and Nina's starting her new one. I'm happy for her. Andrew's working super hard for the both of them.

I'm pretty sure I get to see Tyler tonight :) I'm excited. Nina said, "forsure." I said, "I love you."

More sleep, here I come.

 

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Finding Home
Listening to: Saosin
Feeling: abnormal

Been a while. My bad.

I had a chance to hang out with Tyler yesterday but he didn't answer my text so I assumed he was sleeping after a long night. And I ended up hanging out with Nina for a tiny bit. And I felt stupid because when I told him he said that I could've called him, he wouldn't have cared. Damn. So I tried to get the car today so I could go see him, but dad, of course, said no. Like always. Because he can't make up his goddamn mind. I told him, "I don't get you." and walked off. But according to my mom he thought I said, "I hate you." Cool, dad. Put me in more trouble. I yelled, cried, yelled some more at my mom about how I don't like that he's a hypocrite, how he puts words into my mouth, how he can NEVER make up his mind, how he thinks he always knows what's best for me, and how he in general sucks. And this has been going on for a few days.

I told Tyler about it and he said, "That sucks. Well, we'll figure out another day." And I said, "Definitely."

:] I can't wait to finally meet him.

Nina and Andrew come pick me up every night and we go back to her place to just chill, watch a movie, and/or eat. I love it. Nina's the best cook I know.

Nina's taking a trip to Florida with Andrew so I won't be able to see them for a couple of days. Which sucks because I got used to seeing them every night. Nina and I had a heart to heart yesterday and she almost cried. And we weren't talking about her. We were talking about me, and how I don't stand up to things that really matter and how I let people control me. Nina really cares. I love that about her. And then Andrew joined in and said the same things as her. If I could build my own family, they'd be the first people to be in it. Nina being my older sister. More than that actually. She's my role model. And then Andrew being that older brother I've always wanted; brother in law actually :P soon. He just needs to propose.

I love them to death. And they're always there for me. They've seen me at my worse and they brought me back from it. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them.

 

 

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Soldiers of Doomday
Listening to: Winds of Plague
Feeling: ok

I've never felt so alive, fueled by adrenaline I'll carry you with me. Move move move move! Go go go go!

3 hours of sleep. Reasoning behind that: Boy.

I don't mind it though, 6 months of just talking to him online, I needed to talk to him over the phone some day before I met him. And I loved it. I was silly. He was silly. I can talk to him about anything and everything. He's been there for me over the 6 months I've known him. And I've been there for him. One of my best friends. I can honestly say if there was anything to happen between us, I don't think it would jeopardize our friendship. Which is good. There's a connection. We just need to meet soon. And we're planning on it. Over the phone, we talked about everything. About his former girl. about paranormal stuff, about taking a trip to Australia together, and England [for real, he looked up prices], how I don't like cherry, just..anything. I had to pee and I told him that I did, and he said that I should go ahead, he didn't mind. And I said that I might feel a bit awkward because it's the first time I'm talking to him on the phone. He said it didn't matter, he does it on the phone all the time. So I liked how he made everything comfortable, you know? When you feel a bit off and uncomfortable talking to someone and they end up fixing that almost instantaneously. That was him.

And then my phone died.

If this seems like I'm moving on too quickly. I'm not. Rob didn't last long but a few days.

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Entry List
Always Getting What You Want
Hey Baby, Here's That Song...
Finding Home
Soldiers of Doomday
Hey Mr. Brooks.
With Eyes Wide Shut
I Will Not Reap Destruction
Not The American Average
Drop The World
Money To Blow
On fire.
And...
Rant 1.
Dream 2.
Should Be Loved.
Monster.
If I could..
I Want To Hold Your Hand
Louder Than Thunder.
I'm Breathing...Are You...
Mirrors
Here's To Entropy
Growing Old Is Getting Old.
Holding Someone's Hair Back.
505
Balance
Say, Say, Say
Lucky Strike [remix]
Fake Tales Of San Fransisco
So Long, Goodbye.
We Are The End
The Come Down
Sorry, You're Not A Winner
Plains of Endless Desolation
Fuck.
Side Walk When She Walks
Nemo
Bitch Please, I'm a Ninja.
Dream 1.
Rough Hands
Drown the City.
Kicking Your Crosses Down
Rise up.
Reptar, King of the Ozone.
Barbarian.
The Mundane and the Magic
Oh man.
Enjoy The Silence
Trapped in a Maze, therefore...
Two days, kids.
So yeah..
This Is True.
[I Got A Lot To Say To You]
ugh.
Okay..so?
Well..
New Diaryy.
57 post(s)