It is listed under sorian
sorian
thats it just
sorian
ok ^_^
I wrote this to my boyfriend today and I have no idea what he is going to say or do. Its either going to end really well or make him nervous and run... but either way.... I just need to let him know. And I hope it all turns out for the best. _______________________________________________
I have come to an epiphany while painting... that night we were talking about the cities we loved, and the places that we would love to live in... I said something stupid and rather selfish it was... "I don't know why, but a part of me is starting to love Richmond too...." and you said "Maybe I could with your help, I could learn to love Richmond too...." and it was soooo sweet of you and I can't believe I didn't realize that you said it till now...
I'm actually quite mad at myself for not realizing you said that then. But at this moment now, I'm not afraid of letting you in, I'm not afraid of what may or may not happen. I'm just so happy and grateful to have found someone like you. And please don't be mad at me, but I was so worried about what could be, that I was over looking everything, but, not anymore. You have totally quelled all fears inside of me and given me sooo much more to look forward to.
In the span of a few months there has been this dramatic change in me. I've never been able to just be out there, and be happy, but you've some how managed that before. Every day you amaze me and just keep me in awe about everything. You over look all the flaws I have seen in myself and I don't know how you do it... but... you're just... I don't even have the words to describe how amazing and beautiful you are. I don't want to scare you away when I say I love you. I'm so afraid that something is going to happen or someone better might come by and take you away, and I know that there are probably better people out there than me... but some how out of all of this... you chose me... and I feel soooo alive because of you.
I feel so scared telling you how I feel because, well, A: I have never felt like this before about anyone, B: I don't want to scare you away by telling you how I feel, and C: I don't want to put any pressure on you. I've never been great at expressing emotion towards anyone and I have never been at the forefront of the line to fight for someone, but you make me feel that, and I know its safe to say that not matter what, I will always be by your side, no matter where you are in this world, my heart, body, mind, and soul are yours to keep. Again, if its a bit much, let me know... but I just felt like I had to tell you for some reason. But I just wanted to get this off my chest because I want you to know how amazing YOU are and how important YOU mean to me. Nothing and no one is going to change that, and nothing is going to stand in my way of caring about you, not distance, not time, nothing. Its just you and me Matteo.
Love,
æŽç¿°æ˜‡
PS- I really would give anything in the world to see you right now, and to just hold you in my arms, even if it were for a moment. And I really hope this doesn't make you too uncomfortable, but if it does, talk to me, I've found that you're the easiest person to talk to out of everyone... even some people that I have known for years. And I hope that I can be that person for you, and so much more because you deserve the best person out there in this world.
Goodnight my everything, my love, my Ritsuka, my Suai Ge. And pleasant dreams....
PPS-Yeah... I did actually force myself to punctuate this... as best as I could.
*Qin Wen, Yong Bao*
Its been like almost 1 years so i am updating as to not get this diary deleted. so yeah... be back next year.
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// OkCupid test writer v0.03
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The Passing Highschool Test
written by me,
if (OK_SHOW_LINK_TO_MY_PROFILE_1560463537033988519) {
document.write("Poisonedash88");
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document.write("anonymously");
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using OkCupid's test
publishing tools
free online dating and free
match at ok cupid
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This
It moves away
Echoes
In the pouring rain
He runs away
The shadow thats left of fate
Walking the empty halls in a grey font page
The rows of words fade
The door opens, he walks outside
Sandy storm beach miles covered in sky
Ocean waves sway back and forth
Froth and foam soak his shorts
He lingers and waits
The rain streams down his shirt
Reavealing all his scars
The canvas of his work
Oh how often has he thought of blood
The purest form of truth and love
Crimson dropplets manifest his heart
So glacially cold set in frost
Permanently bleating and palpataing
The violent sea begins consticting
He smiles and walks deeper
I'm getting tired of you pushing me 'round
Dragging me down
Making a sound because you wanna
I guess that's why I like messing with you
Putting you through
A lesson or two, because I'm gonna
Before I go my own way
I just gotta say
Leave me alone
Get out of my face
I'm tired of love
Feeling so misplaced
Time for you to go
'Cause I know I'm better off on my own, oh
Leave me alone
This isn't gonna work
Don't call me on the phone
Because I'm all out of words
I'll face the unknown
Thinking about all the ways that I've grown
Oh, Leave me alone
There was the time I thought you were the one
Having some fun
Getting it done
What an illusion
'Cause you were trying to take control of me
That couldn't be, I need to be free of this confusion
Don't give me a guilt trip, because I'm so over it
Leave me alone
Get out of my face
I'm tired of love
Feeling so misplaced
Time for you to go
'Cause I know I'm better off on my own, oh
Leave me alone
This isn't gonna work
Don't call me on the phone
Because I'm all out of words
I'll face the unknown
Thinking about all the ways that I've grown
Oh, leave me alone
Don't turn around and don't look back
I see right through all your selfless acts
Oh
Leave me alone
Get out of my face
I'm tired of love
Feeling so misplaced
Time for you to go
'Cause I know I'm better off on my own, oh
Leave me alone
This isn't gonna work
Don't call me on the phone
Because I'm all out of words
I'll face the unknown
Thinking about all the ways that I've grown
Oh, leave me alone
If you win your love
I'll feel better on my own
Leave me alone
Yet another long time has passed since i have been here.... ahh well.. must update this soon... be back later
‚í‚©‚è‚Ü‚µ‚½]‚Á‚ÄŽ„‚Í‚±‚Ìl‚ðD‚ÞA”Þ‚ÍR—̓Œ[ƒT[‚̃^ƒCƒvl‹y‚Ñ‘‚É‚©‚í‚¢‚¢‚Å‚ ‚éBŽ„‚͔ނª—£‚ê—£‚µ‚½‚ªA]‚Á‚ÄŽ„‚Í‚¿‚傤‚Ç¡‚à‚Ç‚Á‚Ä—ˆ‚é‚©4 ”NŠÔ”Þ‚ð¡’m‚Á‚Ä‚µ‚Ü‚Á‚½‚Ì‚Å”Þ‚ð‚·‚é‚±‚Æ‚Í‚µ‚΂炫ŒðŽ„‚ÌŠ´î‚Ìs‚Á‚Ä‚¢‚é‚à‚Ì‚ª’m‚肽‚¢‚ÆŽv‚¤‚à‚Ì‚ð’m‚ç‚È‚¢‚µAŽ„‚Ì‘O‚ª¡.... Ž‚Á‚Ä‚¢‚鎄‚ðÅI“I‚ÉÄ“xŠ´‚¶Žn‚ß‚½s‚“Q‚É‚ ‚è‚È‚³‚¢‚©B
I HOPE THIS SHOWS UP... IT DOESNT SEEM TO LIKE JAPANESE HERE.
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¡•‚‚³‚ꂽ•s‰õŠ´‚Í‘SŽ„‚ðˆù‚Ýž‚ÞBŽžŠÔ‚Í–Y‚ê‚ç‚êA”N—î‚ÍŽ¸‚í‚ê‚éBF‚͈ø‚«—ô‚©‚ꂽ”ç‹æ•Ê‚µBŒŒ‚Ì—¬‚ê¡Ž„‚Ís‚«BŽ„‚Ì”x‚Ì–c’£‚ÍŒŒ‚ª—ˆ‚邱‚Æ‚ð–ñ‚ ‚邱‚Æ‚ðŒ¾‚¤B‚»‚µ‚ÄŽ„‚ª¡–鎀‚Ë‚ÎBŽ„‚ÍÄ“x‚Ìã‚ʼn‚½‚¢‚ÆŽv‚¤... ....In ‚ÌŠy‰€...
BOREDOM... I got My license yesterday.....
I know this will not remain forever
However it's beautiful
Your eyes,hands and you warm smile
They're my treasure
It's hard to forget
I wish there was a solution
Don't spend your time in confusion
I will turn back now and spread
My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings How far should i go drifting in the wind
Higher and higher in the light
My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings How far should i go drifting in the wind
Across the sky,just keep on flying
keisoku no dekinai itami to keisoku no dekinai jikan no narega
subete wo umete shimaou toshitemo
soredemo watashi ni wa kanjirareru
sora kara ochitekuru no wa
sora kara ochitekuru no wa ame de wa nakute
Did i ever chain you down to my heart
'Cause i was never afraid of you ?
No,I couldn't hold you any longer
Love is not a toy
Let go of me now
The time we spend is perpetual
Our future is not real
I'll leap into the air
My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings How far should i go drifting in the wind
Higher and higher in the light
My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with
My broken wings How far should i go drifting in the wind
Across the sky,just keep on flying
sora kara ochitekuru no wa are wa ame de wa nakute
There the entity falls
Getting up it walks
Tripping down,
It crawls...
There.
Sitting down
Was wrong,
Passing out
Condemned
Rape.
Seven years later
Alone.
Sulking on the floor
Detone.
Now,
it difted away
into the sea
forever.
A tear rolls down my face
You donft see it because youfre walking away
And I fall, slowly to the ground
But you donft notice.
You turned around to say something
But ran at me in fear, why?
I cried at that because it was the last thing I saw
You smiled and told me it would be ok
^You grabbed my arm and shook me awake
You woke me up from my sweetest mistake
Alcohol and poison didnft keep me today
Today
Cause loving you was my greatest mistake
I never should have let you get away
But in the end it was your choice to walk away
*Happiness in pain
Sugar in my vain
The oil burned inside
Is starting to affect my mind
Why is it this way
This love has made me wane
Oh ho and I am drowning
I am downing the bleach
These light are start to scream
You stupid boy it seems
That love has been your doom
Demise defeat so soon
Ifm sorry about this mess
My mind had no time rest
This adrenalinefs making me drool
Without a doubt I was a fool
^Please stop shaking me awake
You woke me up from my sweetest mistake
Alcohol and poison didnft keep me today
Today
Cause loving you was my greatest mistake
I never should have let you go that day
But in the end it was your choice to walk away
*Happiness in pain
Sugar in my vain
The turpentine inside
Is starting to afflict my mind
Why is it this way
This love has made me fade
Oh oh and I am drowning
I am downing the bleach
By the bottle
This is a roller coaster life this is, you know up and down, up and down. Damn. All well, still trying to find out who i am. Found out another teacher acctually cares about students. Eh, we will see how much happens from here on out tho. This depressional rut... is much deeper than the others have been. ALOT deeper. But i will find a way out because! I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG Kahshan. I WILL.
I didnt know how much i had missed him till he came over tonight, damn, tonight felt like it did back then........ happy times. damn ahhhh the good old days............................... well night everyone...
I didnt really plan on writing or much of anything. Honestly is didnt want to do anything today. But some how i am here. Cant really type considering i just typed bust and ham while trying to write but and am. Oh well... it has been a long time since i have been here. Its been a long time i have been on anyof my sites. But eh whatever.
There is a Reason.... Fonogenico.... AWSOME SONG. ^.^ Its so up beat.
I have been sick lately and havent been able to sing or do anything of important use so yeah whatever.
But now that i can sing, smell and taste again. It all feels different. Im not as depressed as i used to be although i am thinking this is just a high point for some reason. I dont know what it just is. Eh well i am just gonna enjoy it for once instead of thinking "When am i gonna fall again?" which usually leads to me falling. Shit. Oh well.
Now listening to Globe- What's the Justice and then Genisis of a Next (both really good techno trance songs... look them up)
So yeah....................
I am staring at my Phantasmagoria poster thanks to The Cure magazine of New Japanese Bands and Fasions.... i love it. Its fun. That and when i need to order contacts i know where to go. Do you know that contacts are like 20 dollars a box for the colored and stylized crap too!!!!!!!!!!! verses the american 60+ shit.... oi i have been wasting some serious money lately. Ahh well. i am gonna go but it feels good to come back here.
Oh yeah i took an IQ test and i got 112 above average by 2 points lol. well later (^o^)
-La Fat Fag Gay_ZN-
Ok there are some things in this wold that you cant pull on me. To me money is one of the least of my worries when i am not worring about rent and when the next time i am going to eat is. It just pisses me off that my parents think they can get me something and it makes everything better... i would prefer they just apologies then throw some stupid shit at me and say nothing at all... its soooo erritating the fact that they were raised that way cause my grandmother type thing is l;ike that too....
Yeah so my mom and i had a fight last night and i didnt talk to her anymore afterwards... and this morning she think she can take me to go on a shopping sporee to just make things up to me.. no thanks i have my own money and i dont need yours you want to make me feel better... APOLOGISE! Its that fucking simple.... call me old fashioned but i prefer a sorry more than a gift. i dont need people for that.
Look in the mirror what has changed?
Your eyes once innocent now muttered with junk
I can see the excuses forming in your mouth
Are you happy where you are now?
Who are you now?
What is your purpose?
You don’t see who you are anymore
No, you don’t see what you are
What is it that you want?
You seem so miserable now
Why don’t you just change it?
You say you can’t change it
What is it you cannot change?
You don’t know yourself,
Pitiful how your have degenerated
Sullen how you are silenced
You’re just another one
You’re just like them
You’re just a memory
Take a look in that mirror
Tell me what has changed
As Of Yet (to be discovered...)
I spin this disk on my finger
Reluctant to let go
I was trying to runaway from my sorrow
It seems the wall comes closer
In the dresser of my dressing closet room door
I feel so emoted, is it cause i've been demoted again?
*SPIRALING! waiting to see
LIGHT OF ME! hoping to breath
Raptured in the lift of my blood
I am drowning, the only one who is closet to me
Please save me i am not this ready yet
And i am not so devout to tis prep
Pondering where i met you, i met you in my class
I was hoping that this evil bliss could last
But it didnt, To bad it didnt
*SPIRALING! waiting to see
LIGHT OF ME! hoping to breath
Raptured in the lift of my blood
^These emotions start to run high on now
With this sound i will start to cry
Absolutly when one wants to die
As you see, when you say, that i love you in every way
I dont care, you get scared, then you run away
Just run away....
*Spiraling just waiting to see
The light of me, hoping to breath
Rapturing the lift of my blood (crescendo)
SMILING! I WALK AWAY FROM THIS
A STRONGER MAN TO BE MISSED
I WILL WALK, I WILL RUN
I AM BETTER AT LAST, and i cant be fired for this,
FOR THIS
CAUSE I AM EMANCIPATED FROM... my love...
(This is about me saying good bye to my ex-fiance and that i am finaly over you. I love you and everything but all the SHE HIT that we've been through, and everything i have done for you. Well it just went down the drain. I am better than this, and i have more things to do then just to cry about it. I am sick of waiting and i am not going to live forever.If i make it to 25 i will be lucky to have survied and you kno i will always love you. But the thing is THIS WAS YOUR LOSS AND YOUR MISTAKE. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO LET ME GO FREE. Thank you for pulling me in circles for months on end. For letting me see that your an ass. For wasting my time, love, life, and tears on you. For helping me to realise i can do better and you kno what. GOOD BYE, i walk out of this one alive.
PS- All the times that we have been together as friends or lovers, was just spent in you saying things that werent true. If you love me you can try but other wise this is good bye.)