54//Sensual Suds
Listening to: Loud neighbors
Feeling: abandoned

 

The warm sensation tingled all over my skin, as I dipped myself gently into the water tonight. It felt as though soft tiny finger tips were caressing my body, working away the pain of the day. As I let myself drift into an ecstasy of thoughts - lending themselves to you joining me tonight, a sudden pit welled up in my stomach.

The soft tiny finger tips gradually became an unbearable bed of nails, as the realization washed over me that you wouldn't be joining me tonight. A conflict grew in my minds eye as I considered whether or not I actually wanted YOU with me tonight, or if I simply wanted someone. Anyone. A sting grew in my eyes as I closed them tightly to crush away the heartbroken tears.

Taking in as much air as I could, I let myself sink into the tub. Engulfed by the foamy bubbles I let gravity drop away. I felt the memories of you peel away layer by layer, as I kept dropping further into the warm grasp of the water: as though purging you from my system. Time wore on ever so slowly, as I tried to muster the strength to break the waters surface again. 

Surging through the water, I felt the weight of the world collapse back onto my shoulders. I felt like a pillar close to toppling, agony and despair rattling through my bones like lightening. The warm sensation of the water barely a memory, I stood up to face you again… Here I am. Confiding in a little space of internet oblivion. My heart is caged up, fighting to keep beating, fighting to give in. Conflicted beyond comprehension. 

 

Said I loved you, but I lied.

 

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53//Dunno
Listening to: Sad sad silence
Feeling: damned

 

I no longer feel the affectionate resonance of joy in my being. I feel as though romance right now, can be likened to an aircraft: the main door has been opened - and all the air has been sucked out. Everything is desolate. Devoid. I feel as though my inner core, once powered by romance and hunger, is now nothing but an empty space. A longing exists now. An engulfing forlorn desperation that screams, and yearns to be filled again. Like a calm warm spring would bring to the weary... I whisper "Rejuvenate me." 

I want to know what it is to feel desired for again. I want to feel my hands lose control, and search his body again, find an answer to a burning sensation of wanting, of needing. To feign for, and be feigned over. I want to feel the joy of my heart exploding, and my eyes welling up uncontrollably as he kneels before me, ring in hand. 

But instead there is one heart wrenching thought. Am I not the right person for you? to block all the things stopping you from reaching out to me? Is your mind not persuaded by me? Must my heart always feel the cruel clutches of desperation? 

… Or even worse, must I always feel like our opportunity has been, and when you do ask me - It won't mean half as much, because i'm just sick of waiting.

 

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Entry List
54//Sensual Suds
53//Dunno
52//Lawl
\51//Love yohhh
\50//Happy 50th Sweetheart
\\4//Adore
\\23//Ohhhh Gawd
\\17//Analyze this
\\49//Isolation counts
\\48//Candle lit
\\47//It's nice
\\46//Well now
\\45//Hey you
\\44//Ohh Baby
\\43//Shout it
\\42//End this
\\41//Over Again
\\40//Bowie Crotch
\\39//Broken Arse
\\38//Fark That
\\37//Stupid Stupid
\\36//Self-Explaination
\\35//Not you
\\34//Overhaul All
\\33//April Cake!!
\\32//His Words
\\31//A While
\\30// In Vain
\\29//Good Soap
\\28//Boom Whaa
\\27//Damn You
\\26//Life does
\\25// Night Follows
\\24// I Refuse
\\22//Hahh
\\21//My Mouth
\\20//Sex this
\\19//What is??
\\18//Tonight's Rain
\\16//Too much
\\15//Emotion Blender
\\14//Boogie Swerves
\\13//My quizzy
\\12//Holysheit
\\11//GAkkk
\\10//Morre talk
\\9//Ahhh
\\8//Girlyfren
\\7//Wronged
\\6//Talkkk
\\5//Food
\\3// Nemmmo
\\1//Newbie
\\2//Blerrbd
54 post(s)