plane
Listening to: NIN-every day is exactly the same
Feeling: blue

i heard a plane today, it was during second period. todays wednesday so we had block..woo..i prefer it to the regular days. i heard the planes and i remembered of the time i was walking with my mother to our new house that was being built. i remembering hearing the plane fly over us. it starteled me, but i still walked. just kept walking.

thats what ive been doing. i dont dwell. i dont allow myself. a big part of me wishes to..but somehow it tends to be ignored. i dont allow myself to grieve of my losses..good thats just it...i dont treat the ones i care for the way i wish i could. i always look back and see a coldhearted person. space..something ive always had. and that...that was my downfall. i become very solitary..why? i dont know.. i dont enjoy spending time with them. i prefer not to. there must be something wrong with me, there cant be something wrong with them...can there? im not sure..but i dont care because for now...im going to be alone. its ok. ill be fine

im not afraid of being alone. perhaps that is because i havent really been alone for a long period of time..im not sure. whatever the case, i know that i need to be alone.

fear, follows me everywhere. fear of ignorance...fear of what i dont expect.. i have to know everything and anything that is possible. as you can tell im a very logical person. i care much for logic. sure some say that logic is the answer to all..but it has no emotion...emotionless answers. well, i dont wish to be dissapointed therefore i believe what i see and what has been proven. sure i do wonder, and whats an artist without an imagination, without the belief of fantasy? well? i dont know, i guess thats me. i know i did once have a head full of nonsense and mischeif..but its all gone now.

someone help me find my imagination..it has fleed from me..why do you believe it has committed such a crime??

ha, fear of abandonement...dont believe i spelled that correctly lol oh well right?

its not like anyone will actually be reading this and taking note

-blue

287 hit(s) Ignore the smoke  
Comments
You said it has fleed from me, you meant fled. I read and I noticed. And yes I find myself to be interesting. Read old entry's they're fun and fruity and leave you with a wonderfuly feeling of puzzlement. Truly a spectacular read.
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Entry List
time
the turn
hm
howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
breathing
buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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