ouch..?
Listening to: prison sex- Tool
Feeling: blue

And i close my eyes, ignore the smoke, ignore the smoke, ignore the smoke...

mmhmmm love this song...oh how it soothes my soul.

it hurts.. it hurts to look at the past. oh how it burns!

its been months since it happened and it makes my stomach turn inside out.

im reading the old messages..and..im deleting them all of them. id keep them, but what for? i dont believe i can afford to carry this on any longer...there was never a him...no..never

as i read each of them..they get ..well they show more emotion...each on gradually uncovers his real intentions..and i allowed it..just picked me up..just to push me down.. romantic...and then boom out of no where..

ridiculous

an idiot

a mere fool

tied on a string and dragged everywhere and held down by ..

why?

what was i thinking? what was going through my mind? did i believe any good was to come from it??

i wasnt.... i was soo intoxicated, all my senses failed to warn me of the great danger he presented... the havoc he caused...the damage...irreversable...

but no, i must not dwell on it. i must move on, but not quite yet. a lesson is to be learned from this experience.. dont be so willing, perhaps that is the lesson.

"i cant make you hang around, i cant wash you off my skin"

hmm well, better not dwell

on other news..

well hmm

grease has a bun in the oven

along with tail, ash, rian, fresh! theres more!!! yes!

"for you, i will cry...cry for you...." no more

-blue

272 hit(s) Ignore the smoke  
Comments
Thank you. I hope so. I am now 17 and live in England and havent seen him since i was 2. i really hope i will one day soon.
you only live once and he is the person that bought me into the world so i want to show him what i am doing with my life. if you no what i mean.

xxxxJoexxxx
Thanks sweatheart :). thats a really nice name you have.

take care xxjoexx

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Entry List
time
the turn
hm
howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
breathing
buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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