*dot dot dot*
Listening to: Cry for You- The Crow sdtck
Feeling: blue

when i first met him, he said he once was a drill sargeant. his method of intimidating was basically raising his voice for no apparent reason. what he would do is break each cadet appart, and rebuild them...the way he though would be "better"... and for those who wear already broken..well, that would just make his job easier..

to this day, he still uses this method, and everytime, the outcome is always successful... apparently, his method has not worked on me...not yet...

he attempted, but instead i went ballistic. i lost control..before i had not realized it..but now i know ... i have no control over my writing, my language... i need direction.. is that unhealthy?

im broke.. im afraid of putting my pieces back together..im frightened the outcome might be ... what am i to do? is it really this difficult? is it really this easy? all i have to do... and i know this, yet i dont allow myself to do so.. why? does this make me allow ignorance to be my bliss? ...if so, what should i do? am i to let it be or not? apparently i was already broken before... i guess this is the end. ill be left with fear and heartache, but in the end... in the end there will never be a happily never after, for if there is..i wish for the end to arrive soon....but then again, "happily ever after" will not be well deserved..hmm what is one to do?....

an empty shell...thats what i feel i am...nothing less...and nothing more *dot dot dot*

-blue

267 hit(s) Ignore the smoke  
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Entry List
time
the turn
hm
howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
breathing
buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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167 post(s)