back again, once more..what to do oh what to do? well, ignoring doesnt work, i cant seem to bring myself to do so... friends sounds nice. mmm but then again, hope is at stake, desperation will follow...so whats the point? why should i bother? hmm?? nah, exactly. it'll be difficult, but oh well..right?

i dont want to

never ever..i dont care, i just dont want to. id rather die before i do something stupid like that... no. i will not settle. ha!

whats the point, we're just going to reproduce. sure ill be lonely, but i can get the attention ill aquire... i refuse, i refuse to be a wife. no. i will not get married...nooope. i will not have kids...noope. i will not comitt..why should i?

fuck your ideals, fuck your traditions. they're obviously not for me; dont enforce it, no use, point, need to do so.

just leave.

everymorning i get up at 6:30am

i wake my partner, help him get ready for work.

the baby calls, and i rush to his room and hush him back to sleep.

he refuses so i run to the kitchen and make him some formula.

as i feed him the bottle, i wake my kids up, and help them get ready for school.

i then cook breakfast for everyone, excluding myself(lack of time)

i pack my kid's lunches and my husband leaves again without saying bye.

i then put a coat over my rob and put a cap on(since i havent had time to shower) and run to the van. i run back inside the house and grab a blanket and the baby. i place the baby in his seat and drive the kids to school.

as im driving i smell the stench of puke, and look down...ooh look at that..a nice gift from baby.

one goes to elementary and the other goes to middleschool.

i drive back home and clean baby. i then clean the kitchen, the restroom, the living room, and the dog.

i lay and sleep for a few minutes, baby needs formula.

kids come home, they go wathc the tele in the living room. i stay in the kitchen and work on making dinner. baby needs to be cleaned, and his formula.

messes everywhere, lysol needed. baby needs formula.

husband calls, gonna be late. on the brightside he called, but then again he's prolly gettin it with the assistant..so young she is..stupid.

husband comes home, 11:06pm. doesnt eat, goes straight to bed.

i clean the kitchen, the living room, everywhere needed.

i then go to bed.. cant sleep again.

NEVER EVER

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Entry List
time
the turn
hm
howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
breathing
buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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