there
Feeling: blue

i dont know. thats it, i just dont know. its taken me a few years to realize that..augh, writing it down brings me bloody shame. thinking of it... i cant, always stop myself.

just always using, to make it go away..hoping ill be cured...waiting for a friggin remedy.

just wont leave, what am i supposed to do? thats always the question, isnt it? i guess so, since i and many others seem to be asking it. what would happened?

what would have happened if i succeeded? (no mood to spell correctly)if i had just chosen not to go with them? if i had chosen to go outside instead? would i still be this way? would she be so aggressive?... i guess i just dont know.

always blaming, never searching for the source...terrible.

remenecing brings anguish.

if only there was a way, if only i knew...i do know...coward's way out..am i a coward.. mmm well, looking back at the choices ive made..i'd say yes...so why not?...well..."lemme tell you somethin bout the cold war" eeeh naaaa...kidding just kidding.

my right hand's always cold, wonder why.

shake shake shake brrrr. i dont like sunsets. been feeling kind of dry.

again and again and again, using just using..never pausing to think how much i..

thats my problem, always using just to get over the fact that..

and finally when i do start developing an appreciation..its always too late. im terrible. damn it.

fuck self pity, i want to change. im sick of this, i want change! how?

i know how, by accepting it. ok, i accept the fact that i ... oh and there's saying it too...mm i really dont want to admit it, but i know i must eventually... this is terrible. ok...here we go..imbi. HAH!!! THERE DAMNIT! I SAID IT MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! heeeeeeeeeeeh take that... tahts right, to both..attracted toooooo boooth... heeeh... big woop.. right. ooookkkk.... and now what do i do next?

272 hit(s) Ignore the smoke  
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Entry List
time
the turn
hm
howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
breathing
buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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167 post(s)