weak
Listening to: tool - pushit
Feeling: mercurial

i dont want to get married. i dont want to be a housewife. i know that if i get married, i'm going to want a child, or my partner is...and then boom child.

i want to keep my job. i dont want to pause my career. i dont want to. years of sweat, staying up, hard work... all gone. so much money, an amount that would take so much energy to earn. i cant.

since i know im going to have a child... i dont her/him to be raised by a stranger. that would be too much, i've seen many people... do that to their children, i wouldnt be able to deal with the guilt. if i have a child, we should raise her/him, not a stranger.

but above all, i dont want to belong to someone else. every mind is it's own universe. i wouldnt trust him. it would be too much to ask. i want to be free, i dont want to depend on someone else. i want to live my life. i dont want to have to cook dinner, i dont want to belong to someone else. i want to keep my freedom.

this sounds pretty selfish.. but then again, what do i know? ha.

i dont like new age hippies. i dont. i loathe hippies because they're hypocrites. they say that their main objective is to live peaceful lives, spread love, and reject violence, but they're all in the "counter-culture"(which isnt really a counter-culture anymore) for the fun. selfish.

they all choose to sing and dance, wonderful, right? sure. i can dig that, but the drugs... to awaken their true selves?... a load of crap. if you want to do that, go fasting. do yoga! they just do drugs to escape.. thats pretty much it, to relax. i have no respect for those who use toxic substances to relax. dependent dimwits. it's pathetic. we cant always run away. damn it, we can't.

also, grow up. thats it, just grow up. we're never going to have world peace. it's not going to happen. it's sick to think of what we would have to do in order to have world peace. too many sacrifices. people are people, we all think differently, thats what makes us so unique... what makes us humans. there's always going to be someone that disagrees. there's always going to be someone that doesnt understand. so, id appreciate it if i'd stop hearing "world peace" all the time. it's ridiculous. we're never going to have it. DIFFERENT. WE ARE.

sharing the love...who are they trying to kid? really??? just trying to overindulge...tahts what it is. pleasure pleasure pleasure. where are the tears? where is the frustration? where's the composure??? where's the restrain??? if we all get into a fucking frenzy... just... overindulgence... thats what it is.

if we were to become new-age hippies.... damn, i dont even... we wouldn't be humans. we wouldnt. ive seen people cry because their in deep pain.. and quite frankly, i do feel compassion, but at the same time, they become so beautiful. so fragile.. similar to life. so fragile... like a pool full of water, with just one small tap, everything gets distorted.. and you start to float away..and you're gone. people are so beautiful when they cry. im not talking about some kid at a store.. no no, when they cry because their boyfriends broke up with them.. or if something has happened to a loved one... or they found out they have a fatal disease.. whatever the situation... sincere tears... people are so beautiful when they shed them.

through suffering we learn. we are human. our biggest treasure is truth and the search for it. knowledge... gaining knowledge.. i know no other like it. why do people abuse?

if you really think it over.. hippies are really just ... robots. they are... they're all made, and they wish to not suffer(minus one human quality) they choose to just... live in... nothing really... they dont even live, they drift. they dont exactly care too much for knowledge, they're fine with themselves.. there's no commitment.. hence they just mate for enjoyment... which means.. no true relationships.

sailing through life, choosing to dull the pain with substances... thats not human. where are the tears?

they claim to want to make the world a better place, but there's only really one way to do that, and thats if we were all the same..and brainless... and chose to get drugged everytime we suffered... peace would be maintained... we would be censored... individuality would be illegal... however we would have world peace...

i claim the right to suffer, learn, search for truth, and love(sincere love that is).

through suffering, comes much knowledge.

239 hit(s) Ignore the smoke  
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Entry List
time
the turn
hm
howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
breathing
buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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