fiddling
Listening to: fiddle and the drum- a perfect circle
Feeling: enlightened

ok, so we have a research paper due in 2 weeks... or three.. i dont remember.. but i'm really excited about it.

the research paper is supposed to be about a tangible object... for example, a shoe... a pillow, etc. from there, we are to find something controversial about it..

when i first entered the class, i believed that i was among intellectuals... i was very intimidated... they seemed slightly older... i guess i was quick to judge...

i've been in the class for two weeks now, and i've realized that they all... just... oy... so... regular... i mean... i was listening to their speach... and quite frankly.. i see that... they're all really old... and... well... not very bright... i feel a tad let down...

and their rhetoric isn't much better, not saying that mine is excellent... it's just.. i expected more. i'm so naive.

their topics were so... common.. an automobile?... tarrot cards?... pit bulls??... wha?....

i was going to choose "rings" as my topic... but i could clearly see that my friend was fascinated more than i was... so instead... i'm doing my research paper on tampons! and ooy... i'm actually excited! when i presented my topic to the professor... she said she was anxious to see what i could come up with... that to shed light on such an object would be refreshing... hehehehe! i'm pretty stoked!

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ok.. so i'm doing better.. much better...

i feel pretty good about moving in with my aunt and uncle.. they work at a university.. and they've been around the world... they have an appreciation for art.. and a respect for religion, however they stay true to their beliefs.. even though traditionalist scorn them... they have a baby and a little tot.. both are adorable and loud.. heheh. they live three blocks away from the college.. and if i walk everyday to school.. i'll get my share of exercise.. wooo... i know the college.. and it's not too bad.. sure it's a community college.. but eh. i don't want to make friends... i don't want to party.. all i'd like to do is study and work towards transfering to irvine... maybe even berkley... at the moment i'm indecisive... i know i can do it.

if i live with them... i will try to absorb as much as i can. they're both so cultured... still, i am aware of their faults... not even the statue of aphrodite is perfect... and she's supposed to tbe some incredibly beautiful deity!

yet.. if i receive the opportunity to go back to santa cruz... i will take it... and i refuse to take any bullshit from anyone... once granted my admission... i will have more of a right to attend the university... and i will take advantage of it.

i feel at peace... sure, i was hoodwinked... still... it was for the best... i feel as if i've grown an inch... hehe.. my birthday is in four days!!!! wooo... fun stuf eh?

i'm glad this happened... everything is so different now... one less spec of dirt to prevent me from seeing the "big picture"

i think i want to be a doctor... i would love to specialize in hormones... or maybe an immigration lawyer... free.

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oh, and mrs. rivas... prepare to receive the diatribe of your life!!! muahaahahaha!!! i promise, it wont be too long ;)!

you've made me wait.. now... time to compensate!

a month worth of insomnia and over indulging!! you will hear about the money... the time... the wait... the email... the book... how absurd it is to base one's academic career on one measley grade... I WASN'T EVEN IN THE CLASS FOR A WHOLE MONTH... I DIDN'T TAKE THE FINAL... DIDN'T TURN IN THE HOMEWORK FOR A MONTH... HELL.. I STILL MANAGED TO GET A D-.. IT'S A BLOODY MIRACLE, IF ANYTHING!

pinche vieja... la bruta sabe de mi situacion... sinembargo.. sigue con sus pendejadas... imbecil... quien se cree? gracias por la oportunidad....

whatever occurs.. i know i'll be ok.

---------------------------------------------

and as for my friend.. buddy... aquaintance... he's a sad fellow... and that's that. i can't do anything for him. i wont do anything for him.

in the past.. i have.. and what's happened...? i've always been left lying there.. bear... that's it.. it's not that i can't take any more.. it's not that i've reached my breaking point... it's just.. i love myself too much to continue this little game of tag.

the body is amazing.. i love being a woman.

hehe... did you know that hundreds of years ago.. people beleived that the discharge of one's menstrual cycle was so toxic, it could kill off catepillars and pesty insects.. haha so, family members would have young girls walk around the garden.. to get rid of unwanted insects.

oy.

yesterday i went to sleep at 11:30pm... hehe im so happy.. and right now.. i'm really tired!! weeee!!!

i know how to play the keyboard now! woooo!!

band makes sense now.. everything!!!

i can sight read!! wooo!!

mr. harmon would be so proud, and so would zamora.. hehehe!!!

we'll be fine... and hopefully i can get my cyst removed... if not.. eh... it could be worse.

it can always be worse.

"be specific... god has a cynical sense of humor"... or something like that... it was in The Safety of Objects... i enjoyed the movie.. hm..

hmm

i'll be ok

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the turn
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howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
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buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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