bridges
Listening to: star-crossed lovers - de/vision

please excuse the music, wasn't intentional... mmm

anyways, so i guess i'm bolder than i thought.

monday, after working out and doing this and that and running and abs and blah i just, i got the urge to just blurt out how i was feeling about my gym buddy. so there i am, words, the words... i couldn't conjure up words to describe how i felt, much less arrange them in a coherent manner. so there i go, "aw fuck it...  *mumble mumble*" all he heard was fuck it babahahah. so i told him he should follow me home and he did. we got to my house, outside we talked then i told him i liked him. and he said that he liked hanging around with me. this guy.

he wanted to hear me spell it out for him. yeah.

so i told him that i guess i should clarify what i'm trying to say

"i like you as in i enjoy your company, i appreciate the time we spend, i find you attractive... that romantic kinda stuff"

cheesiest smile.

he said he liked me too and if things were different with work who knows but that right now isn't a good time because he's looking to work outside of town and so he doesn't know what's going to happen next plus he barely has enough time to go to the gym, work, and sleep.

i told him i felt the same way, life is kind of hectic right now and that with work, family, the gym, i don't really have a lot of time for myself... i told him i liked working out with him. 

i must have asked him sixteen times if he was okay, how was he etc.

we hugged, he needed to go. he was so close. we were finally hugging, a real hug. so i looked up at him and told him

"can you just, would you, can you let me just, just let this happen, just go with it"

he looked at me smiled and i guess pretended he didn't know what i was talking about.

so then i kissed him. two kisses. 

followed by more kissing.

and some more.

and then some.

yeah.

i guess that's how it's going to be.

i don't want to sleep with him.

yesterday. yesterday he was moody... no, frustrated, work. it's not going so well. he's not happy there.

he has anger issues. this scares me. if yesterday, keep in mind that we're not together, i felt very uncomfortable being around him and just watching him go about things... what would it be like if we were dating? 

i need to think this through. not really, i know what i should do. i don't want to though.

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time
the turn
hm
howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
breathing
buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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