little black pill

anxiety, yes, that's what's been keeping me up. i keep having these dreams of getting to work late or missing a class in the first week of school (if that really happened i'd get dropped from the class).

so rest, i don't know how to.

i took something earlier to help get to sleep but i'm still up... mm.

i feel like an ungrateful brat. i'm okay, my life is fine yet i feel so, i just i'm not satisfied with how everything is going. the choices i've made in the last month have created the waves of change that i believe i need to get me started on being happy.

i think?

i haven't gone running in over a month.

i may have described running before but i'd like to talk about it again.

you can run anywhere, for as long as your mind allows you to and then more. your body, the ache in your legs the and the burning sun/cold winter air don't stop you from moving onward. when i run it's just me and the pavement. i don't hear anything, i'm out. if you're not comfortable with yourself at that time in your life running can either be a great distraction or hell. your mind is doing whatever it can to avoid reflecting on the time duration of the run and the pains that spring up all over your legs. as i run it's just me vs. my skeletons/demons

things were so complicated before.

now that i've made the decisions i'm too scared to run. i'm not ready to face myself. i cannot be alone with my thoughts. 

is that it?

i was so ready, what the hell happened?

i don't like december. i don't like january. i don't like this time of the year. mmm. so ungrateful. time to try to sleep. round 2...

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howl
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july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
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hurt
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ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
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5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
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ha
where is my mind
peel
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movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
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9
explain this to me please
blank
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:o
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:)
mm
wow
click
again
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shimmy shimmy
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what?
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ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
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clear
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ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
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here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
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FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
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ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
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sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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