salt

my tongue feels numb. on monday i slept for 17 hours. i cried in my sleep. i see myself, i am here but i'm so ahead of myself i can't enjoy anything that's happening. food means nothing to me. i drink and i feel like there isn't enough water in the world to quench my thirst. i know i should probably start running again but i'm afraid i'll hurt my achilles again. what's left? nothing. i feel so, i feel like, i can't, i'm at a loss of words.

all that progress is slipping through my fingers. so hollow. i'm a shell. what am i going to do with all the extra time? i don't like having so much free time, too much time to think. i like staying busy, the chaos. the struggle keeps me from thinking, confronting other issues. so empty. what a waste. i'm

SO FUCKING BORED.

i'm going to nail my finger to the wall. the thought of it is actually very soothing. i should be studying, i feel fine though. hm.

what am i supposed to feel, do? i haven't had this much alone time in months, i don't know how to be anymore. i could paint. or draw. i should study. when i paint i'm, it doesn't feel the same. what the fuck am i doing. what am i doing. i feel so useless. helpless. eh don't like this.

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Entry List
time
the turn
hm
howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
breathing
buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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