balance

this is what i'm in search of. i'm not home. my thoughts are everywhere. there is no order. i want to be in peace by my leg won't stop shaking and i can feel the fatigue. i just want to rest. as soon as i close my eyes the thoughts pile up and i don't remember my name.

what's my name?

this is what happens when you put things off. this is what happens when you're not ready. you're ready. no, this is what happens when you don't speak up. i don't know. 

i keep going back. i either go back or i find another vice. i'm going from person to person. if i can't have either i stop eating. 

control is what i'm after. change of perception is what i need. i'm not where i want to be. 

everytime i change my state I'm amazed at how screwed up my habits are. i can't believe this is me. i feel a whole lot of pain, shame, and guilt. 

all of this, wow, no one knows. there isn't a living soul that is aware of how dysfunctional i am. no one. i'm so afraid. what have i done. but no, get ready to smile. i am the rock. i am stable. i am organized. i am happy. i am confident. i am relaxed. i have a plan. i have a vision. my life matters. i have a purpose. 

fake it until you make it.

102 hit(s) Ignore the smoke  
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Entry List
time
the turn
hm
howl
blank
balance
gums
water
focus
the light
relapse
remedy
dry
moving on
intentional.
balance
fish
july
leaving
jardin
friction
being heard.
blank
comfortably numb
paint.
truth.
sleep.
waiting
free.
alone
the calm
oy.
salt
voice
hurts to breathe
lids
breathing
buzz
gum
more to bear.
hurt
blank
i see.
ears are burning.
waiting.
little black pill
fuck anything that moves
cold
blister
ride
5th
sore
tightness
fog
a need
sick puppy.
fairness
bridges
lines
ha
where is my mind
peel
congestion
movement
growing
sleeping on the kitchen...
cracks and pops
top top top
awake
TODAY.
i'm many things but not a...
own it.
three years older
!!!
cold wall
safe space
9
explain this to me please
blank
blank
blank
blank
blank
:o
blank
blank
:)
mm
wow
click
again
blank
blank
shimmy shimmy
blank
blank
blank
what?
blank
ahem...
the truth is...
hello
i'm good
halt... what the third time...
chirp
what is it
blank
tremble
can't even breathe
josh ya
blank
blank
clear
blank
ay
esperanza
capricious
choice
did we just have a moment?...
dizzy
stretch
"let me give you some more...
dream
corn
yack
fiddling
blank
here
allay me
it was my muffin..
if
"dante's inferno" pt. 2
revoked
"dante's inferno"
edge
recollecting
the twitch
eh
repeat
hollow?
weak
blank
there
blurry
choke
heh
just
blank
blank
blank
FOOK YOU
fook
*dot dot dot*
out with the old! in with the...
?
ouch..?
question
life death blah
plane
blank
blank
sky
the wheels on the bus go...
it?
spring dreaming
SMILE, it makes the world go...
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