P For Pixie...[52]
Feeling: lost

I hate saying "Goodbye". It's Horrible & I hate it. I would like to stomp around and cry like a big girl because I don't like it.

It's scary how much I love him.If it was anyone else i think i'd have run over the hills and far away by now.Actually, I still wanna' run away, I mean it's the easiest thing to do. Instead of enjoying these feelings all I can think it what happens when it goes wrong.. (Not if.. but when).Terifying.I don't know what i'd do without him. But I guess he feels the same way.

I should sleep more, sleep makes me less insecure.

3503 hit(s) (1 comments) | Snuugles  
Listening to: Background Noise
Feeling: quixotic

The words "I Love You" are said everyday. It's not true how they say that those words loose their meaning.

In fact, they get stronger when you realise that you love them more than they will ever know and you do not know what you would do without them in your life.Or how they would react if they knew the 'real' you.

This point, this moment, this second is where all your insecurites will arrive.If they were to realise that your planning on being with said person for years and years to come: They'd run.If you were to say exactly how you felt: They'd run.If they were to know about you, everything. Everything in this place, your head: They'd runIf they knew you thought about them every second, or how just thinking about them makes your day: They'd run.

Now, Obviously - he knows nothing. He knows I love him, alot. And that I think of him, and miss him.But I think thats all I ever want him to know. Thats as far as I ever want to let anyone in. Ever. This is the farthest anyone has ever got, amd will ever go.

My head is so full of what if's and maybe's - even when's. What happens when this happens, and what if I say this, maybe this will happen when I do that.

Scariest of all? I want to belive him when he says "I love you more than anything"Why can't I, Why is there such doubt?Part of me says it's because I don't trust well, I've been hurt before & I don't want to be hurt again. I couldn't handle that.Or maybe it's because my feelings don't match his, i'm at level 8 and he's down there at 5. Could it be?

Easiest way is talking about it, I guess. Thinking logically and everything.Shame I don't do logic.

89 hit(s) (0 comments) | Snuugles  
It's Not Porn...[51]
Listening to: Harry Potter - Half Blood Prince.
Feeling: tired

Jesus. It's been a bit of a while since I had a good old rant & moan/tell tale to no-one sessions on here. It's more over-due than I thought.

I'm alive.It's 3.37am.

On my general life, things are okay.

I have a job. It's not exiting, it's not brilliant, but it brings some pennys in.I'm re-attending college. About half way through my course, Criminology & Psychology @ Level 3. Which mucho grande luck, i'll be shipping myself off to University in six months time.As much as i'm dissapointed I didn't do it back when I was 16/17/18, I'm only 21 and it's never too late.

At the moment I have a stable relationship, in which i'm utterly head over heals for the fucker. Poor him.It's good to be loved.

I'm back in therapy, thats not too fun. I did never seem to get over my self harm obsession. My scars  haunt me, they're a constant reminder of what I can do. hich only makes me want to do it even more. Pills & Therapy = Better Joanna.

I'm still making my same old mistakes. I will never learn, it's a shame I tend to ruin everything on which I place my hands upon.

Do you want to learn to speak Troll? I'll get you grunting in no time =]

Y'know, i'm going to update this more. It's good to talk/type.

95 hit(s) (0 comments) | Snuugles  

Entry List
P For Pixie...[52]
It's Not Porn...[51]
Has it really been that...
Take a Break...[47]
Fruit Flavours...[44]
Knock Knock Who...[43]
Expecially Girl Giants...[42]
I Like Giants...[41]
Overrated... [37]
Perfect Day... [34]
Sound Of Failure... [33]
Spin Cycle...[32]
Tra La La...[29]
People Like Me [26]
Isn't It Funny...[25]
Fucked Up [23]
Moonlight Shores [22]
Sharing The Delight [21]
Joy [19]
5 Fave' Lines [18]
Hmm [17]
You Are..[16]
When You Think...[15]
Finally [13]
I Feel...[12]
Grr [11]
Listen [10]
Y'know [9]
If You...[7]
And That Was In January...[6]
Every Me And Every You [4]
Sorry [3]
Rant [2]
It's.. [1]
48 post(s)