Cannot believe this site is still here. My memories are still locked in some electronic vault forever? Ha. A lot has happened in the last decade. I'm married. I've got 2 little boys who call me mama. Life continues as usual. But there's always this nagging in the back of my mind. "What if..."

Someday it will all be different. Someday we will not have to worry about everything. Someday money will just be there and we won't have to worry about bills. Why can't someday be now? I need to get a second job or something because I feel like I'm not helping enough. I'm not getting enough hours, I don't make enough. And Noah has to feel the responsibility. Always. Because if it were not for his paychecks, we wouldn't make it. Not even close. So I need to get another job. Or something. I need to help more. Or something. I don't know. He is so good to me. Always. And I feel like I just fall short all the time. Like I'm always going to have to run to catch up to how awesome and good and wonderful he is. Ugh. I know it won't always be this way. But it kinda sucks for now. Also if anyone knows of somewhere that has x-ray technician classes and whatever, let me know?

Noah didn't get the overnight manager position he was hoping for. He was really upset about it, but there's supposedly some positions opening up at Gossner's soon, so he's going to go get an application tomorrow. As much as I would hate him being gone all night and us working totally different shifts, we really do need the money. Yuck. Still waiting to hear about the AMP (accelorated management program) application I put in at the end of last week at Old Navy. I'm really hoping that I'm able to do that, because it would be a great opportunity. If I could get all the training to be a manager, I could transfer to just about any store in need of a new manager (if I passed the interview and got the job, that is). But either way, its a great opportunity for me and I really hope I'm able to do it. I never really thought I wanted to stay in retail. But I suppose that being in management in retail would be a lot different than being constantly on the salesfloor with customers. I know that's still a big part of the job, but there are so many other things that go along with it. Guess we'll just have to wait and see...

Went to our new ward for the first time today. People were really nice. I'm still a little hesitant to go just because I get stressed a little bit by new things. So the Cupcake shop was a bust. They didn't end up ever calling, and when I went in to ask if they were still going to be hiring, they said they changed their minds and that they MIGHT be hiring in the fall when all the students come back. Bah hum bug. Hours are getting harder to come by at work and that's irritating. Could be worse, I guess. I'm at least still getting scheduled for over 15 hours, and there are lots of people who are only getting 3 or 6. Also our aparmtent has no air conditioning. So we are so warm all the time. It gets over 90 degrees during the day and during the night cools down to about 78-ish. Its miserable, so today while Noah is at work I'm taking refuge at my parents house. Much nicer. Noah is going to try to get an overnight supervisor position at Wal*Mart. It'd be about a $1.50/hour raise on top of what he's already making. As much as I would hate to have him gone the whole night, we do need the money so I can't really get too upset about anything.

Its been a month since me and Noah moved into our own apartment. And I gotta say, my stress level has gone done considerably. Its amazing what will happen when you no longer live with your mother-in-law... On the down side, the apartment is tiny, but its ours so I'm not really worried about it. Its month-to-month, which means that if we find something bigger for just a little more we can move easily. I'm also starting to get more hours at work, thank goodness. Its about time, too. I'm scheduled for so many hours next week, I'll make the same in that one week as I did in my paycheck for the last two. Hopefully I'll also be getting a job at the new cupcake shop opening like half a block away from Old Navy. Temptation Cupcake is what its called. They opened yesterday and are supposed to be calling for interviews sometime next week. Hope I hear from them. OH! And Hollie is also trying to get a job out there, so I super hope we both get hired so that we can work together. Aw yeah! Now if only I had an apartment I could have a pet in..... Life is good......

Easter weekend we're probably going to be moving into our own apartment!! Or if not that weekend, then early the week after. We gave the landlords the deposit. Its really going to happen!! Noah's mom is moving in with one of her friends, Noah and I get to take the loveseat with us when we move out. Which means the ugly chair downstairs in our room (that is covered in a sheet) will go to DI. I've also been looking at tables online, and there's one at Wal Mart that I really like. http://www.walmart.com/ip/3-Piece-Round-Spacesaver-Natural/11979495# Anyways, we're going to be moving out soon! I'm so happy and excited and scared out of my mind. Mostly just because this is all so new, I've never moved to a new place (and no, my mother-in-law's house does not count) before so....this shall be an adventure. I can't wait.

So. I freaking want to move out. Like I really can't stay living in this house anymore. Noah said that we'd start looking for apartments. I guess his mom said something to him today about it. She lent us $400 to get new tires for the car. When she was talking to Noah about us moving out, she told him she didn't want us moving out until we'd paid her back. She screams about how we have to get out now, then we start looking for apartments and she doesn't want us to go until she's got her money. Which is highly ironic, seeing as how she owes Noah nearly $10,000 from paying for groceries the last two years. She promised him when he got home from his mission that she would pay him back for all the grocery money he spent. Of course, she won't just use the money she lent us to get tires for the car as partial payment of what she owes Noah. But Noah also won't tell her that he wants the money she owes. Because he doesn't think she really needs to pay him back. But I don't think its fair or right when you are perfectly capable of getting a job to make your son pay for all your stuff. He told me that I can tell her that its not right for her to demand the money that she owes him, but basically he's not going to say it. And that is frustrating as all get out. I'm so sick of living here with my mother-in-law. The basement room that we live in never is clean enough to suit her, she hovers over me when I clean the bathroom down there, she hovers over me when I cook. And yet no matter what I do for her, she says thanks, but only like its something that is due to her. I want to move out, and Noah really doesn't. But I can't stay here and stay sane.

So I was denied health insurance coverage. Apparently because I have arthritis, I'm considered "uninsurable" and they won't cover me. Although they did tell me there is a state-sponsered and run health insurance program. They also said that if the state sponsered program didn't cover me but issued a certified insureable statement thinger for me, then I can reapply and will probably be approved. And if all else fails, I'm going to try medicaid, and if THAT doesn't work, then I'm just going to have to pay out of pocket for all my medical crap-ity-schmack. Grr. So we'll see how all of this goes.

Its been a long time since I wrote. It is now a new year. 2010. Weird. Even weirder is that for January it is very warm outside right now. Okay, so its only about 30° outside. But given that earlier this week it was below zero, 30° is nice. Don't feel like I'm really going anywhere with life. Just kind of...existing, ya know? Noah and I got a 20 gallon fish tank, and right now have five fish and a crab it in. Two tiger barbs, two rosy barbs, and a rainbow shark. My sister-in-law gave me a 1.5 gallon tank for Christmas that currently is housing two orange and yellow guppies and a zebra fish. Also, tomorrow I think, we're getting more fish for our tank, because I guess you aren't supposed to do very many fish at a time, or else it overloads the tank. Didn't know that. Anyways, still half-trying to find a second job. Not working very well. I'm just very happy that I have the job I do have. There are a ton of people not as lucky. Noah's trying to find a new job too. Been an interesting few weeks. Oh and I'm trying to get approved for health insurance. I'm behind on my labs that I'm supposed to get every two months....haven't gotten my blood work done and checked and whatever since right before I got married. And I had to reschedule my doctor's appointment. We really just don't have the money to pay for all of the stupid stuff that is my medical crapity schmack. *sigh* Just keep hoping that I get approved and get coverage and everything soon. I hate arthritis.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Noah is at work still. Busy night and they are shorthanded because people kept calling in sick. It was busy at work for me tonight too. Bleh. But that's okay. Tomorrow will be a slow, easy day. Just eating and spending time with family. I can't wait. Work's been super busy lately. I wish I was getting more hours though. We'll have to see what happens, if I'm still not getting enough I'm going to have to try really hard to see if I can find a second job.

Been married for a month and a half, approximately, now. Loving it. Excited because we finally have enough money to open a savings account, and are going to do that later this week when we run errands. Temple today. We went at the end of last month to do initiatory's. Very interesting things. Its so peaceful at the temple, everyone talking softly, everything white. It beautiful. And Noah is still so amazing. I'm so happy and blessed to have him in my life. Its so wonderful. :)

So my car died. And the clutch in Noah's car was literally almost dead. The ball bearing in his clutch had three of the balls left. Which means the ones that WEREN'T there anymore had melted. They ALL melted. And there was all sorts of melted plastic and metal around the bearing. Yeah. So basically its a very good thing we didn't drive his car to Salt Lake the weekend we got married. Of course, the taking of my car to Salt Lake added to my car dying faster than it would have. But oh well. We got Noah's fixed, which is a very good thing. And it sounds so much better. I can't wait to drive it sometime. :) Noah's been teaching me about baseball. Post-season just started. Tonight was L.A Dodgers vs St. Louise Cardinals. So far, its Dodgers 5, Cardinals 3. Noah's happy that they are winning. I don't really care, mostly because I haven't really been into baseball long enough to actually care who really wins. Ha ha ha. Oh well. Life is good.

Married. Ah, life is good. Its so great. The weekend was wonderful. We went to Salt Lake and it was awesome. Just to spend time with Noah, just the two of us. It was wonderful. I'm so happy. And content.

I'm getting married on Friday!!! Its finally almost here! So close. I'm going through the temple today. I'm so excited. Also very nervous, as I don't quite know what to expect.

One week, two days. :)

Noah's still sick. Hopefully he'll feel better tomorrow, we doped him up with a Benadryl so that might help him actually sleep instead of spending the whole night awake worrying about things that don't need to be worried about...I guess we'll see, eh? Wedding is two weeks from Friday! So excited.

So the wedding is less than a month away and I'm still trying to get addresses so that I can send out invitations hopefully by Saturday so they arrive next week sometime. I dunno, I'm just ready to be done with all the wedding stuff. I just really really want to be married already. Oh well. 27 days and counting... OH. KJ is throwing me a bachelorette party tomorrow night. That should be interesting. Noah's worried that it'll be way too scandalous, but I'm not really worried about it. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes. Oh, and I still have yet to have had a bridal shower, because my mom doesn't think that she's supposed to be the one throwing it, and I'm sure that my sisters aren't going to throw me one because neither one of them really want anything to do with the wedding (except Christi is using it to start building a portfolio for herself, which is the only reason she's been helping me out with anything). And I mean a bridal shower isn't really that big of a deal, but...at the same time it would be nice, ya know?

So today I got my eyes numbed for the first time. That was interesting. I guess why they do that is so that they can touch your eye and check the pressure? Or something, I don't really understand it. And mom bought me contacts! So I don't have to wear my glasses at the wedding and such! Thank goodness.

Ugh. I hate headaches. Also I hate when food doesn't taste good. Or doesn't taste like much of anything. I think I'm coming down with a cold, I've been so congested the last few days. At least I only have one more day of work this week, then I can spend the rest of it sleeping. I'm sure that jumping into First Dam (and its super-cold water) yesterday didn't help much. Got cookies for the reception today. Not sure what else I'm going to have for that though...ugh. I just don't want to think baout it anymore.

I AM GETTING MARRIED IN THREE MONTHS!!!!