It's been so long since i've used this thing. a lot of things have changed in my life. my brother was killed in a car accident back in september. He was drinking and driving he took a turn at 80mph in his jeep. It flipped and rolled about 6 times before hitting a tee cutting the jeep in half.He survived the crash, but he was in a coma for three weeks. Our family decided to take him off life support. He had broken his neck and did something to the tissue in his spine. He was 25. everythng just keeps getting worse. dan is getting shipped off to iraq next week. he was my brother's best friend, the only guy i could really talk to and be honest with, and now hes gonna be gone. me and amber are doing okay. i'd probably be with my brother if it wasn't for her. amber wants to spend christmas with my mom this year. it's hard enough that my brothers gone but my mom just makes everyting a lot worse. shes always crying and she wants me to go to this group thing with her to grieve for my brother. i love my mom, but i can't do that. she keeps asking me to move back in but theres no way three people can live in a studio apartment together. i feel so shitty for doing this to her but i can't... i have to take care of things. there isnt anything else worth updating. i need to find a second job. my bills keep fucking me in the ass.

ABBI I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. LEAVE ME AND AMBER ALONE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. YOU FUCKED UP OUR RELATIONSHIP NOT AMBER!!.. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO CHEATED ON ME!!! AFTER THREE YEARS. YOU LET THAT GO DOWN THE DRAIN. seriously.. you should be happy for me and amber im so happy now. you fucking made me insane. i'll never forget thoes months i spent in the hospitle because of you. I'm finally clean abbi and i don't drink anymore. Not because of amber... but because I WANTED TOO. So go ahead and call me a pussy for not wanting to drink and smoke and shit. I DONT CARE When me and you finally broke up i realized that i could make my life much more enjoyable if i stopped that shit. And I LOVE MY LIFE NOW! I HAVE EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED! I can't beilve you abbi. i can't even be friends with you. So go fuck some more "hard core" guys with their brass nuckles. I really have NO RESPECT FOR YOU. AMBER HAD TO CHANGE HER FUCKING CELL NUMBER TWICE BECAUSE OF YOU HARASSING HER!! WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT! YOU FUCKING CUNT! What the fuck did mel do to you!?? What just because shes friends with us.!! LEAVE MEL AND HER BOYFRIEND ALONE. NICK WOULD NEVER DATE YOU!! you're just jealous or something like that. fuck abbi just get a job or something to occupy your time with. This is the end of this shit.! -Amber, I'm really sorry you have to deal with this bitch. It's my fault. Next time I think we should call the police. We have put up with enough. I'm not going to lert her do this to you anymore. I love you.

Last night after I got off of work I was hit by a drunk driver. My bronco is totaled and I have a fuckin broken arm and whip lash. I look so fucked up.. My fucking truck though.. It was a 93 ford bronco. the fucking axle was destroyed on impact. I was taking a left turn when out of no were he hit my rear at about 40 mph. Im okay and shit im just pissed. I can't work now and I really could use the money. This fucking sucks. I just got that job too. George might let me go. But Amber stuck with me threw it all. I let her pick out the color of my cast. its a light greenish color.. im at amber's house right now. she wants me to stay with her so she can "nurse me up with hot sex " haha :) my girlfriend is the best. I am so lucky.

Today I hung out with my brother Eric. We were talking about work and I told him I hate working at Sears..so he told me to come and talk to George (the owner of the garage).. So I talked to George and he told me he was lacking of a mechanic. And he hired me right off the spot! Yeah I'll be pumping gas on top of it but this job is basically the one I've always wanted. And I get paid a shitload more haha yeah. So I'm gonna put in my two weeks at sear's tomorrow when i go in. They've screwed me over so many times in there. blah im not gonna complain though. I have a new job and a wonderful girlfriend. Oh and Ambs, thanks so much for making me those rice crispy treats! I love you!

Fucking bullshit. Im on my way to work this morning and theres a fucking car crash .. backed up the high way for a fuckin hour and a half. No one was dead or anything, just some delivery truck flipped over and closed down the lanes.. So i was late for work and my boss was angry with me.. so i get out of work and im driving home now.. and i get literly fucking 13 fucking prank phone calls on my goddamn cell but the kid who was doing it was an idiot and didn't block the number.. so i call back the number and its my Ex's Brother. So i started cussing him out and shit and he kept saying he wanted to fight me cause i "wronged" his sister. SHE FUCKING CHEATED ON ME AFTER 3 YEARS OF DATING... But whatever im over her and im in love with Amber. So i tell Mark to go fuck himself. Marks 17 and im 19. i hit him i go to jail.. I just got off probation 2 months ago and im not about to get fucking arrested. but yeah the fuckin nerve of that kid to say shit to me. whatever .. i can't wait till me and amber save up enough money... cause as soon as we do we are out of here!

My beliefs being: I hate niggers, I hate rednecks, I hate chinks, I hate spics, and ect. But I don't mind: african americans, whites, asians, hispanics/latinos, or anyother race. I don't understand how Lincoln freed the black slaves 140 years ago, and they're still bitching about it!! Are there actually black people left who had experienced slavery? No, I don't fucking think so, so stop using it as a fucking crutch or excuse for why you take advantage of the system to get ahead without working as hard as any other white american has to. western europeans flourished when they came to america, they created this god damned country within a generation, and how many generations have blacks or mexicans had to grow? Fuck this whole idea of affirmative action. Fuck it. Why should a black guy, who isn't as good as me, get into the college I want. Just because of his fucking racial background? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING COURNTY!? Have you ever... [x] been drunk. [x] smoked pot. [x] rode in a taxi. [x] been dumped. [x] shoplifted. [x] been fired. [x] been in a fist fight. [x] had sex. [x] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise [x] been kissed [x] snuck out of your parent's house. [x] been arrested. [x] made out with a stranger. [x] stole something from your job. [ ] celebrated new years in times square. [x] went on a blind date. [x] lied to a friend. [ ] had a crush on a teacher. [ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans. [ ] been to europe. [x] skipped school. [x] thrown up from drinking. [x] lost your sibling. [x] played 'clue'. [x] went ice skating. [x] dropped x. [ ] cheated on a bf/gf. [x] been cheated on. [x] had a sweet sixteen. [ ] had a quinceanera. [x] had a car. [x] drove. [x]smoked [x]kissed a member of the opposite sex [ ]kissed a member of the same sex [x]had feelings for someone who didn't have them back [x]given or recievd oral sex [x]danced in front of people [x]played strip poker [ ]slapped someone i loved [ ]been in an abusive relationship [x]wanted to kill yourself [x]taken painkillers [ ]faked being drunk [ ]been to canada [x]been to mexico [x]eaten sushi [x]seen someone die [x]lied to get out of trouble [ ]dropped out of school [x]been pregnant or got someone pregnant [x]done something you really regret [x]made someone you love cry Do you... [ ] have a bf. [x] have a gf. [ ] have a crush. [x] feel loved. [ ] feel lonely. [x] feel happy. [ ] hate yourself. [x] think you're attractive. [x] have a dog. [x] have your own room. [ ] listen to rap. [x] listen to rock/heavy metal [ ] listen to r/b [ ] listen to techno. [ ] listen to reggae. [x] have more than 1 best friend. [ ] get good grades. [x] play an instrument [x] have slippers. [x] wear boxers. [x] like the color blue. [x] like the color pink. [ ] cyber [ ] claim. [ ] like to read. [x] like to write. [ ] have long hair. [ ] have medium hair [x] have short hair. [x] have a cell phone. [ ] have a laptop. [ ] have a pager. Are you... [ ] ugly. [x] pretty... [x] bored. [x] happy. [ ] bilingual. [x] white. [ ] black. [ ] mexican. [ ] asian. [ ] short. [x] average. [ ] tall. [ ] grounded [ ] sick. [ ] a virgin. [x] lazy. [ ] single. [ ] taken. [ ] looking. [x] not looking. [ ] talking to someone. [x] IMing someone. [ ] scared to die. [x] tired. [ ] hungry. [x] thirsty. [ ] on the phone [x] in your room. [ ] drinking something. [ ] eating something. [ ] in your pjs. [x] ticklish. [x] listening to music. [x] homophobic. [x] racist YEP FUCKING BORED Amber told me to fill this out so i am. B a s i c s [x] Full name:Sean Scott Machado [x] Nicknames: Pipes. [x] Screen name:Idont want you iming me [x] Sex: please. [x] Birthday: they dont count untill im 21 [x] Height: 6' [x] Hair color: brown [x] Is your hair long or short:shaved. [x] Eye color: blue [x] City born in: Orlando [x] Location now: Marlboro MA [x] Siblings: Adam, Becky, Danny and my new little borther Tervor [x] Parents married/divorced: divorced F e e l i n g s [x] Worst Feeling in the world: tiredness [x] Best feeling in the world: having sex [x] Can you define love?: yes. AMBER [x] Do you get along with your parents?:Nope [x] Are you ticklish?: no F a v o r i t e s 1] Letter?: who fucking cares 2] Number?:13 3] Drink?: Bud 4] Color?: blue 5] Animal?: Dog 6] Person?:Amber 7] CD?:As of now, my leftover crack cd 8] Car?: 69 Chevelle 9] Ice cream flavor?: cookie dough 10] Day of the week?: friday 11] Soda/Juice?: Soda 12] Boys/Girls?: Amber 13] Love/Hate?: Amber 14] Sex/Cuddling?: Sex.. then cuddling 15] Pepsi/Coke?: coke 16] Friday/Saturday?: Saturdays 17] Shoes/Sandals?: my boots 18] Hugs/Kisses?: kisses 19] Punk/Goth?: I dont fucking care 20] Cartoons/News?: ATHF! 21] Would you get into a fight for your friends?: yeah and i beat the shit out of the back stabber. 23] Ever gotten into a fight with your friends?: yeah. ive been in a lot of fights 24] What did you fight about?: He was trying to get in my girlfriends pants. 25] Worst thing you've ever done to them? i broke his nose and fucked up his face with my brass nuckles 26] Worst thing they've ever done to you? he decked me in the stomiac 27] Do you love your friends?: no 28] Do they love you?:no 29] Done anything you regret doing with them?:nope 30] Do you fight a lot?: only when i have too/ 31] Have you ever been in love?:yes 33] Do you still love them?: I love amber. 34] Are you together right now?: yes 35] Do you miss them?: we live together 36] Do you regret them?: fuck no 37] If you could hold them right now would you: yes 38] If you could kiss them right now would you: yep 39] If you could start all over would you?: we dont need to start all over. we have the perfect relationship 40] If you had a choice of meeting them for the first time, would you turn away or introduce yourself?: introduce myself. 41] Most romantic thing: blow jobs? 42] Have you ever had the tingly feeling inside your tummy from someone?: penis? 43] Do you like any of your good friends?: Yeah thats why they are my fucking friends. 44] If so do they know?: If they thought i hated them we wouldnt be friends 45] Who is usually the first to tell someone they like them you or the other person?: I have a girlfriend 46] If you could be with someone right now who would it be?:AMBER 47] Do you base your attraction upon personality?:Yeah i guess 48] Have you ever been cheated on?: yes and i fucking hated her for it 49] Have you ever cheated?: no and i never will. i love you amber. B o y s + G i r l s 50] Favorite thing about the opposite sex?: she has a vigina. and boobies. and shes my lady :) 51] Least favorite thing about the opposite sex?: when they get their periods.. but i manage. 52] When you first see someone what is the first thing you notice?: I dont check out other chicks.. or dudes.. 53] What is your favorite feature about the opposite sexs appearance?: Her whole style and shit. 54] Do you prefer cute or hot?: i dont care about looks.. but i have the most beatuiful girlfriend in the world 55] Do you have a Bf/Gf?: yes 56] One thing you dislike about them?: I wish she thought she was beautiful 57] One thing you love about them?: How she tells me everything and i can tell her anything. 58] Boys are: stupid throw rocks at them: i guess im a dumbass at times 59] Girls are: nothing like amber :) L a s t.. 60] Fight you were in?: Last weekend at Kyles house. we are okay now. 61] Person you yelled at?: Kyle 62] Thing you touched?: keyboard 63] Person you IM-ed?: My brother Danny 64] Person that IM-ed you?: Abbi 65] Word you said?: I love you- to amber 66] Time you smiled?: I cant remeber 67] Person that smiled at you?: Amber 68] Laughed?: 2day 69] Cried?: i cant remeber --> C r u s h i n ' [x] Pre-school: i dont fucking know [x] Kindergarten: A [x] 1st Grade: M [x] 2nd Grade: B [x] 3rd Grade: E [x] 4th Grade: R [x] 5th Grade: O t h e r [x] Do you have a job: yes [x] What are you scared of: losing amber [x] Who's your role model: no one [x] Most interesting thing you've done this summer: its not summer yet bitch [x] What store do you shop at the most:the package licker store [x] Have you ever done any drugs:yes [x] Do you collect anything: used condomS! hah [x] Are you a ditz: fucking no. --> N i g h t T i m e [x] What do you wear to bed: boxers [x] What's your bed time:whenever i can get more then 2 hours of sleep [x] Do you wish on stars:no [x] Is there a TV in your room: yes [x] What's the last thing you do before you fall asleep:kissed amber goodnight --> M i s c e l l a n e o u s [x] How many schools have you been to: too many [x] Are you passive or aggressive: it depends [x] Vanilla or chocolate: chocolate [x] Would you rather be hot or cold: cold [x] What is your curfew: haha i havent had a curfew since i was 12 love you amber..

Wow, i forgot i had one of these. Hah where do I start? Yeah well im out of high school finally! class of 2004! i moved out of my moms house way back in august with amber. and i just recenetly bought a computer. Me and Amber are still together. And I love her very much. We were trying to have a baby but we deciced that its too soon for kids. I might be getting this awesome job in NYC as a dj, and im in fucking college! No one thought i'd make it past high school. WELL FUCK YOU IDIOTS.! life has been going by so smoothly. ill post a picture of me and amber up soon. let me just say i look very different.

I went to the movies with Amber and Matt im not sure what night that was... but we saw the village, i liked it. it was... different. so then matt went home and me and amber sat in my car for awhile and slept. so that was that night. the next day... what was that? yesterday? so... saturday. i woke up and just kinda sat around. then went and got amber and we went out to lunch. we made paper airplanes. then we ate. and then we went to my house. and hung out here. no one realized she was here. but she was. and we just kinda layed around and were lazy. i played with her ticklish spot it was fun. :D horray for love. so then we had to get unlazy and i had to bring her home. then i went to Dunk n donuts and got iced coffee. then played socom and sat here lazily the rest of the night. today (sunday) was boring. woke up at 8 for work. talked to amber, then went to work. worked for a little bit. then amber and her sister came to visit. which made me happy :b then i talked to brian most of the day and did work and what not. then everyone left me alone. then i left and left gary alone haha... silly gary by himself. so that was that, i came home and now im here. playing socom, being yelled at to update by amber, and eating food. that was a pretty boring entry. sorry haha. bye bye

hah i forgot all about this fucking thing amber made for me. yes we are still together and are doing great. i really love her. she got a new journal thing. its hereanyway. im 18 now woo.. i can buy all the porn and ciggs i need. im outta school for good too. havent really talked to abbi. shes still pissed at me for something. i tired to work things out and shit but whatever. that chicks a waste of life. i love you amber :) hah look at my ass!

i have the worst chest and sinus cold in the history of the world. i havent left my fucking house in like 5 days. im going crazy. i talked to amber on the phone on sunday. i guess shes been pretty busy with school or something. sometimes i feel like shes avoiding me or like she doesnt like me that much anymore. i really miss her. i called her cell about 20 min ago but she didnt respond. maybe im just overreacting. but last time when i was goin out with abbi when she didnt talk to me we broke up cause she was fucking cheatin on me. amber would never do that. or atleast i dont thikn she would :-. shes always talking about her friend greg when we do talk and i get jealous. im always jealous. iv met greg and hes really cool and all but i don't trust him with amber. i guess that they used to dig each other but never went out or someting. im just real worried about her and us.. yeahh i said too much.

i just got back from the fucking school. i had that stupid dentention today. that teacher was there too. she kept giving me dirty looks. your not allowed to sleep or put you're head down. all you do is work or stare at the wall. i did my fucking work and i got it down at like 8. so i was stitting there bored as fuck. they wont let you eat anything either. so the fucking teacher comes up to me after i did all my homework and she gives me a dictionary and told me to copy all the words under m. she didn't make anyone else do it though just me. then she was like talking about me to some one of her teacher friends and saying how i was never going to amount to anything in life and how i was gonna end up working at burger king. this teacher is so incredible gay . a couple of the kids in there said i should tell the dean about her. yeah well i gotta get ready to go to work at 1230. havent talked to amber much :/ ill call her after work

hello everyone. this weeks going by nice and slowly, i dont think i can take it anymore. so last night i went ambera high school to see her proform in her band. i thought that they did very well, i'm really glad that i got to see her sing for the first time. it was a lot of fun; hung out with kyle, saw andy and evan, and the jazz "a" band was very, very good. i liked their tallent contest so this is really great... my friends and i were messing around after school the other day, everyone was nuts. and i was being stupid and i desided to moon everybody, kind of. and as i was doing it a teacher walked by, who isnt very nice, and gave me a saturday detention for 'offensive behavior' and such. she seemed to be the only one that didnt laugh, even the dean did. and the best part was...so did my parents. wow, i cant even stand to be away from amber for more than an hour. this is sad. i love you, feel better. <3

yeah i gotta go to work at 4:30 and i won't be home till 10 haha. oh well i need the money. hah i think my friend kyle is gonna get one of these journal things. hah thatd be cool. anyway i gotta gas for my shit box and then i gotta get some stamps hah okay bye ps amber ill call you later :o)

everyday i get up and i feel fine.. and i have a great day, but lately it seems like they always turn crap by the end. and im always upset. and i hate it... i just always end up feeling like shit. and crying. and being upset. and i hate it. it makes me sick. i just through up 3rd day in a row... and i just feel like such an ass, i always make amber think im mad at her. and i always end up making her frustrated, because im always like this. i dont know why she puts up with me... i feel like we're walking a tight rope. and im just so afraid we're going to break up. i love her more than anything, but somtimes im just so afraid. and somtimes im upset, and somtimes im worried, and sometimes im frustrated. And honestly i feel like lately i just get frustrated... and i always feel like shit. I just always feel like.... lonely. even tho i know i have her. and i know shes there.. somtimes i just think she doesnt even wanna talk to me anymore. and everytime she has to go or somthing i wonder if its just becuase she doesnt want to talk to me... maybe its not true. but its just how i feel somtimes. I just wish i knew what she was thinking. i just wish she'd talk a little more... it seems like when i do wanna talk she doesnt, or shes busy, or i just feel like i should shut up. and then when she can talk and wants to... i just kinda lost patients.. I wish i knew what she was thinking... im always afriad to open my mouth and be honest. but i do it. i just wish somtimes she'd say somthing. anything. talk about somthing.. anything... somtimes i just wish she'd say i love you.. if nothing else.. i feel like.... im afriad she doesnt trust me.. or that she doesnt care about me as much .. maybe it sounds concieded, but im just afraid she's going to take me for granted... im just so worried, and... somtimes i just wanna say, if you dont wanna be with me anymore you can just say so... even tho i know i dont really wanna know the answer... and i dont want to get her angry... somtimes i wonder if i just care to much, but i couldnt care less than i do... i just care about her.. and us.. becuase i love her... but somtimes it just feels like i get a kick in the balls, and im afraid im going to get sick of that feeling... Amber i love you more than anything, and im sorry for all this hardtime.. and im sorry if i make this seem like a job somtimes, and i feel like such a loser, becuase i never thought i'd be with you, and now i am... and i expect to much.. and im sorry.. p.s. my mood is jealous, becuase right now im just jealous of everything else besides me in amber's life.

------------------- GENERAL INFO ----------------------- TIME STARTING: 1:35 pm Date: 2-28-04 Age: almost 18 Birthday: 3-4-86 Color of eyes: Hazel Hair: brown and red i guess Height: uh.. like 5'9" i think Shoe size: 11 -------------------- HAVE YOU EVER ... ------------------- Ever been so drunk you blacked out: yes. Put a body part on fire for amusment? my brother did it to me Kept a secret from everyone?: everyone?.. yea. Wanted to "hook up" with a friend: sure. Cried during a movie: shiloh... :sniffle: hah Had a crush on a teacher: Nope Ever thought an animated character was hot?: no Had a "New Kids on The Block" tape?: YOU KNOW IT MAN. Been on a stage? yes Cut your own hair?: heh yes Been sarcastic?: yes Fallen in love? Well this one time. There was this amazing girl.. amber Had your heart broken? yea. Had your best friend save your ass? yes ------------------- FAVORITES ----------------------- Shampoo: dont really use just one. Color: black blue and red Day/Night: im a night person Summer/Winter: Well. where i live. the fall. Smile/Frown: smiles. as long as its true. Lace/Satin: i like satan. i mean satin. Fave cartoon character: homer hah Fave Junk Food: Hostess Cup Cakes. Fave Movie: Fight Club Ice Cream: Coffee Fave person to talk to online: amber Drink? coke ----------------- RIGHT NOW -------------------- Wearing: NOTHING. no.. black jeans. and uh. a my work shirt Hair is: mohawk. i was thinkin of cutting it off. but everyone says not too hah I'm feeling: Restless Eating: nothing Drinking: coke Thinking about: How much i miss amber Listening to: nothing ----------------- IN THE LAST 24 HOURS -------------------- Cried: yes Worn a skirt: yea man. right after i shaved my pussy. i mean. uh.. Met someone new: no cleaned your room: somewhat. done laundry: yes Drove a car: yep ---------------- DO YOU BELIEVE IN ----------------------- Yourself: i like to think im reliable. Your friends: yes Santa Claus: well. i thought he was dead. Tooth fairy: creepy.no. Destiny/Fate: Life is what you make of it. Your born into a world and family and place. And you gotta make good. Angels: no Ghosts: yes UFO's?: yes ------------------ FRIEND AND LIFE --------------------- Do you have a b/f or g/f friend?: Yeahh.. ::blushes:: I love you amber:o) Like anyone?: i like alot of people. but if you mean attracted, just amber! Who have you known the longest?: my mom. kinda makes sense doesn it? Closest girl friend(s): amber.ashley. liz. hannah. sara. Who's the loudest: Old people with hearing problems. Who is the shyest?: liz Who's the weirdest?: kyle lol Who do you cry to?: Whoever the unlucky bastard is that i talk to first. When did you cry the most?: no idea. Whats the best feeling in the world: knowing i love amber. and that she feels the same. Worst feeling? Everything you love will reject you or die. Time done: 1:43 hah yeah im really bored. i got just got back from work and i think me and amber are gonna do something later but who knows.

Last night i went to the mall with amber. It was cool. Saw some people. Good and bad. It wasnt horrible. I felt bad. Cuz amber kept asking what time it was. like she was in a hurry to leave. i wasnt.. i miss her. i knew i would. i know i will.. But i'll see her agian. goodbyes are inevitable. you'll have your first and last. with every person. But who knows when. Who cares tho. Yea. Why is that whenever i see her. and have to face her beauty. i always wonder why she cares. why shes there. next to me. smiling. glad to be with me. Why im with her smiling to. why we met. all this questions that have no answers. I guess all that matters is that we are together. We did meet. She does care.. I have nothing to do today.. im just sitting her bored.. thinking about alot of things.. I've lost all hope for everything. But it feels good.. I know that one day i am going to die. everything i worked for. and created. will become trash. Everything i love will reject me and/or die. But. I find freedom in that. I'm here now. mite as well make best of it. why are we here. it doesnt matter. Becuase we're here. what if we did know why. what would that change. what would be the point of living. Im happy and fine and great. i'm just here, and im glad. I'm in no rush to grow up. or go anywhere. i just wanna take my time. make good. Think about what really matters. what really gets me anywhere in life.. Anyway... I hope i see amber soon....

sitdiary hasn't been workin so i havent been able to write anything in a while. me and amber are doin good :D. i know i kinda rushed into this relationship but we have known each other since jr high. my mom is being a fucking bitch. she took the keys to my car away cause i didn't remeber to fill her car up with gas. so now i can fucking drive anywhere and i can't like walk to anyones house cause i live in the middle of no where. but yeah i can always get my friends to drive me around haha. they used to have to do that for me cause i just turned 17 like 2 two weeks ago. yeah but any way i wanted to put up a picture of someone ;)

my girlfriend abbi of three years broke up with me today. i really loved her. i don't know what to do with myself. she was the best thing in my life and now she's gone. she broke up with me on the fucking phone. who does that!? she told me that she never really intended for our relationship to last more then a month. and that she never really loved and cared for me like she did. i started crying on the phone, i rarely cry. she told me she had to go and for me not to call her and then hung up on me. SHE ALSO SAID SHE WAS FUCKING CHEATING ON ME!!!!! im in shock. i can't believe this. our anniversary is on the 26th. that would have marked our four years together. i bought a ring and i was planing on proposing and everything. i feel like im living in a nightmare. how could she end it just like that?! she told me not to cry and that I'd get over this and that i didnt deserve her. she said im an asshole and a bad boyfriend. i honestly don't think i can get over her. i feel like shit. every thing in this room reminds me of her. i really need to talk to my friend amber. she is the only person who can help me right now.. i can't stop crying.

today was a great day. i hung out with amber all day and iv come to realize a ton of things. like one thing, the reason why i liked abbi so much is because of amber. shes always been there for me and shes like my best friend. but amber i don't want to be best friends anymore, i like you amber. i can't belive it took me so long to realize how much i like you. im sorry if this is a shock to you but i can't keep this to myself. i want to be with you. . sorry.. oh and abbi leave amber the fuck alone you bitch! ---------------------------------------------- fuck yeah!! amber :D amber you have made me so happy. i hope things work out with us baby :) --oh yeah thanks for making my journal look better !

yup i found some pictures lets see if they can show up. hah thats my brothers son tommy. im an uncle :) i dont have any more pictures of abbi :( that really sucks. haha p0zer22... your pathetic.