[6] Ghosts In My Mind
Listening to: La Di Da Di - Porcelain Black
Feeling: haunted

I started writing on here again because I thought it would be healthy for me, you know, a familiar place to vent and share my thoughts and what not. Very theraputic. I'm starting to second guess that.

I spent most of today delving into my past and just...Idk if I'm feeling depressed or whatever but it's certainly not a happy feeling.

I tracked back all the old RPs I was part of. Not just the SC but the other ones. Most people don't know it, but when I was at odds with a certain member of the SC (I won't mention names) I found an escape to another RP community, a DBZ one. I was a huge fan of DBZ and a huge fan of RP'ing...so of course that went hand in hand.

I don't think anyone from the SC knew or cared, but that's why I came back as a much better writer/rp'er because the people in the DBZ community were very unforgiving and wouldn't let me be anything less than perfect.

But I digress. Anyway. I was looking through the old DBZ community sites and it was actually tragic to see how many sites we went through and how...like, even there the community wasn't perfect and we all got into fights and eventually went our separate ways. We tried to keep things fresh by switching sites (from '05 until like '09) but it just wasn't enough. The community couldn't stay together after things became MORE than just the RP but became personal.

And that's when it hit me - that exact same thing happened to the SC. When we got personal, we all fell apart. And maybe it wasn't an isolated thing. Maybe when you get personal you need to work twice as hard to stay together.

It made me sad because it sucks that two communities I was part of just fell apart. People who I was really close to I don't even talk to anymore. And it's sad.Like I requested a few people on Facebook and I doubt they'll accept/want to talk. But I had to try, you know? I mean I had to see if the experiences/memories we shared still meant as much to them as they did to me. It would be wonderful to just spend a couple hours reminiscing about the good times and forget about the bad. But sometimes that's easier said than done.

My life from ages 12 to 17 was friggen annoying, difficult, and just unpleasant. And I wouldn't have made it or became as strong of a person as I am without those two communities being there to help shape and direct me. And I hope that I had some kind of impact on people from them, too.Maybe one day we'll communicate and it'll be awesome. Or maybe some things are just destined to say in the past and the nostalgia keeps you alive. 

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Entry List
[133] Only One
[132] Lose It All
[131] Need a Scalpel
[130] Got Me Weak
[129] Worse Seem Better
[128] Make It Right
[127] Forget Where You Been
[126] Close Your Eyes
[125] Sing You A Lullaby
[124] Just An Outcast
[123] Been My Home
[122] Do You Have a Pulse?
[121] Any Moment
[120] Room For Me
[119] So Much Pressure
[117] Stuck in my Heart
[116] Too Far Gone
[115] Bruised and Battle...
[114] Will Fade
[113] Starts to Snow
[112] Kiss the Other Side
[111] Blindsided
[110] In My Corner
[109] Corner of My Mind
[108] Every Part
[107] For More
[106] Might Sound Absurd
[105] Let Yourself
[104] True Hero
[103] I Don't Mind
[102] What I Never Did
[101] Won't Call Back
[100] Let's Do It
[99] Fleeting Moment
[98] Like A Devil
[97] Misery Loves Me
[96] Ain't Slowing Down
[95] Tinted Window
[94] In The River
[93] Remind Me
[92] Broken Records
[91] Gave To Me
[90] Just One Thing
[89] Always Crazy
[88] Body Talk
[87] Explain Your Mind
[86] Poured It Down
[85] Shut Us Down
[84] Am I Crazy?
[83] Bored With It
[82] Damn Your Kiss
[81] Up A Notch
[80] Easy to See
[79] Rest Here
[78] Nursing Wounds
[77] Incredible Things
[76] Ready to Go
[75] Inside a Dream
[74] Shares My Fate
[73] The Trigger
[72] Never Trust a Fool
[71] Creatures of Habit
[70] Had It All
[69] Pass Me By
[68] Face in the Crowd
[67] The Throne
[66] The Needless Beating
[65] After Midnight
[64] Going There
[63] Hold Your Hand
[62] Party
[61] Every Heartbeat
[60] Overflowed
[59] Make A Sound
[58] Shine a Light
[57] It Ain't Easy
[56] Wanting More
[55] Lock the Door
[54] Daylight Fades
[53] Scattered Around
[52] Crumbled Photographs
[51] Night or Day
[50] Path of Least Resistance
[49] Find A Light
[48] Never Leave
[47] Fading Away
[46] Decimated Dreams
[45] My Limits
[44] Always So Heated
[43] Closing In
[42] All This Noise
[41] Pouring Out
[40] Long Gone
[39] Caught Up In Circles
[38] Bury My Ghost
[37] Just Temporarily
[36] All Of Me
[35] Rain Starts Pouring
[34] Rule and Control
[33] Slice of Heaven
[32] Push It Down
[31] In Love With A Ghost
[30] Stare Politely
[29] Overload
[28] Carry On
[27] Savior of the Broken
[26] Room Inside
[25] Whisper To Me
[24] Rise and Fall
[23] Physically Crafted
[22] Sky and Rain
[21] Slipping Away
[20] Lost And Forgotten
[19] Break The Bullet
[18] Bets and Betters
[17] Hide and Seek
[16] Mystery To Me
[15] Inside This Moment
[14] Shifting Sands
[13] A Necessary Evil
[12] Keeping On Track
[11] Mind Games
[10] Simple And Clean
[9] My Jagged Little Pill
[8] Think Lovely Thoughts
[7] Low Tide
[6] Ghosts In My Mind
[5] Small, Nagging, Voices
[4] Chill Day Is Chill
[3] Can I Even Keep Up?
[2] New Year, New Issues
[1] Two Hearts, One Body
[divide]
New Moon Rising
Poem (12) Bleed
(Standing In The Dark)
(Live To Tell)
(How Soon Is Now)
Song (22) Jesus Take The Wheel
Song (23) Emotionless
Song (24) Karma Chameleon
Redemption Song
Thriller
Song (21) All That I've Got.
Envy For The Solid Ground
Song (20) What I've Done
Sweet Little Lies
How Long Is Forever?
Poem To Kayla.
Facts of life.
Wow.. Bigger Gap..
Song (19) Whisper
Song (18) Run Away
Song (17) Pushing Away From...
Song (16) Crawling
Song (15) Super Xero
Song (14) Part Of Me
Poem (13) To worn...
Saw Amy Lee's video.
Song (13) Haunted
Song (12) Whisper
Song (11) Bring Me To Life
Broken More..
Barely Alive
Not For Anyones Eyes
Waiting For The SC.
Song (10) Santeria
Did you ever feel
Kayla's Birthday
Song (9) Forgive Me
Still Alone...
Song (8) 24 hours
Since You Been Gone
Alienated..
The Fight.
Song (7) I'm a Creep..
Thoughts
Poem (11) Numb..
Another year Living..
Drown Away My Sorrows
New Found Anger
Avoiding The Truth
Cast Away.
Song (6) Behind These Hazel...
Half Blood Prince
She's Torn 3 Ways.
Worried For All The Wrong...
Lost In Thought.
Song (5) Papercut (1)
Song (4) Numb
Song (3) I Don't Want To Be...
Song (2) Everybody's Fool
Song (1) Going Under
Long Time.
They hate me..
Poem (10) Ended.
Egypt..
Remember The Titanic.
I Was wrong.
Drained.
Haunted
Give Me Novicane..
Poem (9) Wishing you were...
Getting Colder.
Freezing Cold...
OMG!...
Meh..
No Pain No Gain.
I Don't Wanna Be Lonely No...
Eye Of The Tiger
I Wore A Lime Green Shirt O_O
Comming Home
Thoughtless
She's Back!!!
Dreaming About You And Me
Good Day
Betrayed.
Poem (8) Wisper To A Scream
SpellBound
Kayla Does'nt Belive Me.
Missed Half Of Marathon
Silenced
Broken
Tired
O_O A Questionaire!
Heart Of Stone
Poem (7) Time Is Up
Wishing And Hoping...
Poem (6) Fire
Suicidal
Covered In Shadows
Bitterness
I Feel Pretty.. O_O!!
Poem (5) Tear
Speak No Evil
See No Evil
Hear No Evil
Cool, Calm, Collected.
Poem (4) You're The One.
Okay For Now..
My Shadow
Poem (3) Black Magic
Mad And Tormented
Poem (2) I Wish
Prelude To The Storm
Feeling Better
Dark And Cold
Shrouded In Shadows
Poem (1) Fool In Love
Waiting Hopelessly
250 post(s)