[125] Sing You A Lullaby
Listening to: Melanie Martinez - Milk and Cookies
Feeling: depressed

Things are looking up, I believe.

For one, the kid my brother stabbed is doing fine so that's good. There's still a court date so that'll be something to see if he gets off and I hope they take it easy on him. He's saying it was in self-defense so we'll see.

I move into my new apartment tomorrow. God, it's beautiful. I'm really excited. And once I'm there I can begin working towards my new passion of opening a bakery. I'll be baking my heart out and showing the world what I can do. I just hope people are receptive.

 

I'm still depressed because money is an issue. I'm not pulling in money like I used to because I haven't written a novel in over a year at this point, my short stories have been declining, and I don't have the law office job that I used to. I'm starting something temporary which could make me about 100 dollars a night so that'll be nice.

 

I'm feeling disillusioned from some of my friends. I don't know if it's the situation I've been in or just...general fatigue but it's harder and harder for me to not be mad at them. Like I can normally brush it off but it's getting difficult to not go off - and I need to remember not to do that.

 Time seems to move so quickly. I hate it. I wish it would slow down so I can catch up with everything but I know that's not what it does. I just need to be able to breathe.

 

I can't believe it's almost been a year since I started writing in this diary full time. I've managed 125 entries and it's not been a year yet. That's 1/3 - which is way better than my old track record. So I'm proud of myself. I wanted to do somewhat constant updates and record my thoughts and I've managed for the most part. Maybe next year I could manage to do 2-3 a week and aim for 200. We'll see.

A character from one of the new shows I discovered has a favorite saying and I think it's time to embrace that. Essentially; if you look hard enough at any situation you can see good and you can see bad. Some people choose to only see the bad. But you can also choose to see the good.

I'm going to choose to start seeing the good more than the bad.

In less than 24 hours I will have made about 100 dollars, I'll be in my own house, and I'll be one step closer to my destiny.

Not too shabby at all.

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Entry List
[139] Shadows Still Remain
[138] Let Our Hearts Bleed
[137] Just Wasn't Stable
[136] Break Down
[135] Real Me, Inside
[134] All Things Pass
[133] Only One
[132] Lose It All
[131] Need a Scalpel
[130] Got Me Weak
[129] Worse Seem Better
[128] Make It Right
[127] Forget Where You Been
[126] Close Your Eyes
[125] Sing You A Lullaby
[124] Just An Outcast
[123] Been My Home
[122] Do You Have a Pulse?
[121] Any Moment
[120] Room For Me
[119] So Much Pressure
[117] Stuck in my Heart
[116] Too Far Gone
[115] Bruised and Battle...
[114] Will Fade
[113] Starts to Snow
[112] Kiss the Other Side
[111] Blindsided
[110] In My Corner
[109] Corner of My Mind
[108] Every Part
[107] For More
[106] Might Sound Absurd
[105] Let Yourself
[104] True Hero
[103] I Don't Mind
[102] What I Never Did
[101] Won't Call Back
[100] Let's Do It
[99] Fleeting Moment
[98] Like A Devil
[97] Misery Loves Me
[96] Ain't Slowing Down
[95] Tinted Window
[94] In The River
[93] Remind Me
[92] Broken Records
[91] Gave To Me
[90] Just One Thing
[89] Always Crazy
[88] Body Talk
[87] Explain Your Mind
[86] Poured It Down
[85] Shut Us Down
[84] Am I Crazy?
[83] Bored With It
[82] Damn Your Kiss
[81] Up A Notch
[80] Easy to See
[79] Rest Here
[78] Nursing Wounds
[77] Incredible Things
[76] Ready to Go
[75] Inside a Dream
[74] Shares My Fate
[73] The Trigger
[72] Never Trust a Fool
[71] Creatures of Habit
[70] Had It All
[69] Pass Me By
[68] Face in the Crowd
[67] The Throne
[66] The Needless Beating
[65] After Midnight
[64] Going There
[63] Hold Your Hand
[62] Party
[61] Every Heartbeat
[60] Overflowed
[59] Make A Sound
[58] Shine a Light
[57] It Ain't Easy
[56] Wanting More
[55] Lock the Door
[54] Daylight Fades
[53] Scattered Around
[52] Crumbled Photographs
[51] Night or Day
[50] Path of Least Resistance
[49] Find A Light
[48] Never Leave
[47] Fading Away
[46] Decimated Dreams
[45] My Limits
[44] Always So Heated
[43] Closing In
[42] All This Noise
[41] Pouring Out
[40] Long Gone
[39] Caught Up In Circles
[38] Bury My Ghost
[37] Just Temporarily
[36] All Of Me
[35] Rain Starts Pouring
[34] Rule and Control
[33] Slice of Heaven
[32] Push It Down
[31] In Love With A Ghost
[30] Stare Politely
[29] Overload
[28] Carry On
[27] Savior of the Broken
[26] Room Inside
[25] Whisper To Me
[24] Rise and Fall
[23] Physically Crafted
[22] Sky and Rain
[21] Slipping Away
[20] Lost And Forgotten
[19] Break The Bullet
[18] Bets and Betters
[17] Hide and Seek
[16] Mystery To Me
[15] Inside This Moment
[14] Shifting Sands
[13] A Necessary Evil
[12] Keeping On Track
[11] Mind Games
[10] Simple And Clean
[9] My Jagged Little Pill
[8] Think Lovely Thoughts
[7] Low Tide
[6] Ghosts In My Mind
[5] Small, Nagging, Voices
[4] Chill Day Is Chill
[3] Can I Even Keep Up?
[2] New Year, New Issues
[1] Two Hearts, One Body
[divide]
New Moon Rising
Poem (12) Bleed
(Standing In The Dark)
(Live To Tell)
(How Soon Is Now)
Song (24) Karma Chameleon
Song (23) Emotionless
Song (22) Jesus Take The Wheel
Redemption Song
Thriller
Envy For The Solid Ground
Song (21) All That I've Got.
Sweet Little Lies
Song (20) What I've Done
How Long Is Forever?
Poem To Kayla.
Facts of life.
Wow.. Bigger Gap..
Song (19) Whisper
Song (18) Run Away
Song (17) Pushing Away From...
Song (16) Crawling
Song (15) Super Xero
Song (14) Part Of Me
Poem (13) To worn...
Saw Amy Lee's video.
Song (13) Haunted
Song (12) Whisper
Song (11) Bring Me To Life
Broken More..
Barely Alive
Not For Anyones Eyes
Waiting For The SC.
Song (10) Santeria
Did you ever feel
Kayla's Birthday
Song (9) Forgive Me
Still Alone...
Song (8) 24 hours
Since You Been Gone
Alienated..
The Fight.
Song (7) I'm a Creep..
Thoughts
Poem (11) Numb..
Another year Living..
Drown Away My Sorrows
New Found Anger
Avoiding The Truth
Cast Away.
Song (6) Behind These Hazel...
Half Blood Prince
She's Torn 3 Ways.
Worried For All The Wrong...
Lost In Thought.
Song (5) Papercut (1)
Song (4) Numb
Song (3) I Don't Want To Be...
Song (2) Everybody's Fool
Song (1) Going Under
Long Time.
Poem (10) Ended.
They hate me..
Egypt..
Remember The Titanic.
I Was wrong.
Drained.
Haunted
Give Me Novicane..
Getting Colder.
Poem (9) Wishing you were...
Freezing Cold...
OMG!...
Meh..
No Pain No Gain.
I Don't Wanna Be Lonely No...
Eye Of The Tiger
I Wore A Lime Green Shirt O_O
Comming Home
Thoughtless
She's Back!!!
Dreaming About You And Me
Good Day
Betrayed.
Poem (8) Wisper To A Scream
SpellBound
Kayla Does'nt Belive Me.
Missed Half Of Marathon
Silenced
Broken
Tired
O_O A Questionaire!
Heart Of Stone
Poem (7) Time Is Up
Wishing And Hoping...
Poem (6) Fire
Suicidal
Covered In Shadows
Bitterness
I Feel Pretty.. O_O!!
Poem (5) Tear
Speak No Evil
See No Evil
Hear No Evil
Cool, Calm, Collected.
Poem (4) You're The One.
Okay For Now..
My Shadow
Poem (3) Black Magic
Mad And Tormented
Poem (2) I Wish
Prelude To The Storm
Feeling Better
Dark And Cold
Shrouded In Shadows
Poem (1) Fool In Love
Waiting Hopelessly
256 post(s)