Listening to: Icon For Hire - Under The Knife
So recently as a birthday present to a friend of mine I read a bunch of my early entries to him. See, he didn't know me back when I was 12/13/14/15 so he was excited to see the kind of person I was.
Yeah, it lead to me cringing a lot but I got through it.
It's interesting to read back and remember all the things I did and the person I was. I mean, I'm still the same person but I see things differently and have evolved beyond my old line of reasoning. I don't regret the things I did or the person I was because it helped shape my present and it also helped me to become a stronger person than I would have been otherwise.
I wish I could go back in time and tell 12/13/14/15 year old me to not take things so seriously. That it seems bad now but in 10 years everything will be just fine. You'll be out of your grandmother's house. You'll be in a relationship (the one thing you've always wanted!) you'll have a purpose in life. You'll have dozens of friends - so many that you won't be able to keep up with them. You'll be wanted. You'll be loved. You don't have to be miserable now because everything you're feeling is just temporary and one day it'll all be so much better.
Just be patient.
I think so many people forget where they've come from and where they've been. And they end up forgetting why they got to where they are. If you forget your roots you lose your entire reason for being.
I was pretty miserable when I was younger. I did a lot of cringy things (like "fall in love" too fast, try and force people to like me, care way too much about what people thought, dealt with more bullshit than I should have, etc) but as I said, I don't regret any of it because your experiences and memories shape you. If you're smart, they'll shape you for the better. If you're dumb, well, you'll never grow.
I'm glad I've grown into a mostly okay person. I say mostly okay because I still make mistakes. I still have anger issues. I still take too much bullshit sometimes. And I still care about what people think of me. But I'm learning more and more every day and maybe one day it won't be the same.
I hope 12/13/14/15 year old Mike...like if he could see me now, I hope he'd be proud of the man he turned into. Because I am proud of who I am.