[129] Worse Seem Better
Listening to: Lady Gaga - A Million Reasons
Feeling: anxious

Anxiety sucks.

I know it should be an obvious thing because even the name doesn't sound attractive. For those who don't suffer with anxiety it's the constant feeling of fear. It's a constant voice in the back of your head that keeps telling you you're not good enough. It's the occasional explosion of an overwhelming weight that makes you feel suffocated. It's not being able to be left alone with your thoughts for too long or you'll go crazy. It's not fun.

 

I've progressed so much with my anxiety that I'm shocked sometimes because I never thought I could and then there are days where it'll hit me and I'll feel like I made no progress at all. Those days suck. Majorly.

I am trying to do so much with my life right now and I'm just scared none of it will work out. I'm scared I'll be a failure and let everyone who believes in me down.

I'm currently finishing a novel up (my muse finally returned, yay!), working on a game, and also getting things ready to start my baking business. It's a lot but I need a lot or else my thoughts will drive me crazy.

I really, really, really want to succeed in life it's just so hard. I have to be strong and tell the negative voice in my head (her name is Debra) to shut the fuck up and let me breathe. Let me be as successful as I know I'm destined to be. Let me prove to all the people who said I couldn't do something in my life that I CAN do it and I can do it better than they ever dreamed of. Than I ever dreamed of.

I just want to make people proud of me.

 

---

 

A few days ago Anthony and I went apple picking for the first time since last season. It was so much fun...and even though we got way too many apples and I now have a fridge of apples just waiting to be cooked, I want to go again. I love spending time with him. ^.^

Ok...that's enough for today. 

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Entry List
[139] Shadows Still Remain
[138] Let Our Hearts Bleed
[137] Just Wasn't Stable
[136] Break Down
[135] Real Me, Inside
[134] All Things Pass
[133] Only One
[132] Lose It All
[131] Need a Scalpel
[130] Got Me Weak
[129] Worse Seem Better
[128] Make It Right
[127] Forget Where You Been
[126] Close Your Eyes
[125] Sing You A Lullaby
[124] Just An Outcast
[123] Been My Home
[122] Do You Have a Pulse?
[121] Any Moment
[120] Room For Me
[119] So Much Pressure
[117] Stuck in my Heart
[116] Too Far Gone
[115] Bruised and Battle...
[114] Will Fade
[113] Starts to Snow
[112] Kiss the Other Side
[111] Blindsided
[110] In My Corner
[109] Corner of My Mind
[108] Every Part
[107] For More
[106] Might Sound Absurd
[105] Let Yourself
[104] True Hero
[103] I Don't Mind
[102] What I Never Did
[101] Won't Call Back
[100] Let's Do It
[99] Fleeting Moment
[98] Like A Devil
[97] Misery Loves Me
[96] Ain't Slowing Down
[95] Tinted Window
[94] In The River
[93] Remind Me
[92] Broken Records
[91] Gave To Me
[90] Just One Thing
[89] Always Crazy
[88] Body Talk
[87] Explain Your Mind
[86] Poured It Down
[85] Shut Us Down
[84] Am I Crazy?
[83] Bored With It
[82] Damn Your Kiss
[81] Up A Notch
[80] Easy to See
[79] Rest Here
[78] Nursing Wounds
[77] Incredible Things
[76] Ready to Go
[75] Inside a Dream
[74] Shares My Fate
[73] The Trigger
[72] Never Trust a Fool
[71] Creatures of Habit
[70] Had It All
[69] Pass Me By
[68] Face in the Crowd
[67] The Throne
[66] The Needless Beating
[65] After Midnight
[64] Going There
[63] Hold Your Hand
[62] Party
[61] Every Heartbeat
[60] Overflowed
[59] Make A Sound
[58] Shine a Light
[57] It Ain't Easy
[56] Wanting More
[55] Lock the Door
[54] Daylight Fades
[53] Scattered Around
[52] Crumbled Photographs
[51] Night or Day
[50] Path of Least Resistance
[49] Find A Light
[48] Never Leave
[47] Fading Away
[46] Decimated Dreams
[45] My Limits
[44] Always So Heated
[43] Closing In
[42] All This Noise
[41] Pouring Out
[40] Long Gone
[39] Caught Up In Circles
[38] Bury My Ghost
[37] Just Temporarily
[36] All Of Me
[35] Rain Starts Pouring
[34] Rule and Control
[33] Slice of Heaven
[32] Push It Down
[31] In Love With A Ghost
[30] Stare Politely
[29] Overload
[28] Carry On
[27] Savior of the Broken
[26] Room Inside
[25] Whisper To Me
[24] Rise and Fall
[23] Physically Crafted
[22] Sky and Rain
[21] Slipping Away
[20] Lost And Forgotten
[19] Break The Bullet
[18] Bets and Betters
[17] Hide and Seek
[16] Mystery To Me
[15] Inside This Moment
[14] Shifting Sands
[13] A Necessary Evil
[12] Keeping On Track
[11] Mind Games
[10] Simple And Clean
[9] My Jagged Little Pill
[8] Think Lovely Thoughts
[7] Low Tide
[6] Ghosts In My Mind
[5] Small, Nagging, Voices
[4] Chill Day Is Chill
[3] Can I Even Keep Up?
[2] New Year, New Issues
[1] Two Hearts, One Body
[divide]
New Moon Rising
Poem (12) Bleed
(Standing In The Dark)
(Live To Tell)
(How Soon Is Now)
Song (24) Karma Chameleon
Song (23) Emotionless
Song (22) Jesus Take The Wheel
Redemption Song
Thriller
Envy For The Solid Ground
Song (21) All That I've Got.
Sweet Little Lies
Song (20) What I've Done
How Long Is Forever?
Poem To Kayla.
Facts of life.
Wow.. Bigger Gap..
Song (19) Whisper
Song (18) Run Away
Song (17) Pushing Away From...
Song (16) Crawling
Song (15) Super Xero
Song (14) Part Of Me
Poem (13) To worn...
Saw Amy Lee's video.
Song (13) Haunted
Song (12) Whisper
Song (11) Bring Me To Life
Broken More..
Barely Alive
Not For Anyones Eyes
Waiting For The SC.
Song (10) Santeria
Did you ever feel
Kayla's Birthday
Song (9) Forgive Me
Still Alone...
Song (8) 24 hours
Since You Been Gone
Alienated..
The Fight.
Song (7) I'm a Creep..
Thoughts
Poem (11) Numb..
Another year Living..
Drown Away My Sorrows
New Found Anger
Avoiding The Truth
Cast Away.
Song (6) Behind These Hazel...
Half Blood Prince
She's Torn 3 Ways.
Worried For All The Wrong...
Lost In Thought.
Song (5) Papercut (1)
Song (4) Numb
Song (3) I Don't Want To Be...
Song (2) Everybody's Fool
Song (1) Going Under
Long Time.
Poem (10) Ended.
They hate me..
Egypt..
Remember The Titanic.
I Was wrong.
Drained.
Haunted
Give Me Novicane..
Getting Colder.
Poem (9) Wishing you were...
Freezing Cold...
OMG!...
Meh..
No Pain No Gain.
I Don't Wanna Be Lonely No...
Eye Of The Tiger
I Wore A Lime Green Shirt O_O
Comming Home
Thoughtless
She's Back!!!
Dreaming About You And Me
Good Day
Betrayed.
Poem (8) Wisper To A Scream
SpellBound
Kayla Does'nt Belive Me.
Missed Half Of Marathon
Silenced
Broken
Tired
O_O A Questionaire!
Heart Of Stone
Poem (7) Time Is Up
Wishing And Hoping...
Poem (6) Fire
Suicidal
Covered In Shadows
Bitterness
I Feel Pretty.. O_O!!
Poem (5) Tear
Speak No Evil
See No Evil
Hear No Evil
Cool, Calm, Collected.
Poem (4) You're The One.
Okay For Now..
My Shadow
Poem (3) Black Magic
Mad And Tormented
Poem (2) I Wish
Prelude To The Storm
Feeling Better
Dark And Cold
Shrouded In Shadows
Poem (1) Fool In Love
Waiting Hopelessly
256 post(s)