Listening to: Stitched Up Heart - Catch Me When I Fall
Things have been going well.
I've been pulling extra hours at the ol' warehouse and earning decent money...and as with most things in life, more money = better.
I've been trying to start writing under a new penname and that's going okay I just need to find the motivation that I've been lacking. It seems like the surge of adrenaline I had two months ago has vanished and left me feeling empty inside. I want to finish my work so I can get it published. I want to succeed in my endeavors. It's just really awful when you have an overwhelming voice in the back of your head that tells you you're going to fail no matter what you do. Anxiety sucks. And I wish I didn't have it. Thanks, family.
I guess there's nothing I can do but take each day as it comes and try my hardest to push back against the tide that keeps trying to drag me under. I just worry one day I won't be able to fight being dragged out to sea and I'll drown. I don't want that and the prospect is scary...but I can't help but thinking about it sometimes.
I just wish I could be normal. In a perfect world I'd be anxiety-free, depression-free, straight, married, have my dream job, and have 2.5 kids by now.
But this isn't a perfect world and that life was never meant for me.