Myspace bitches We held hands on the last night on earth. Our mouths filled with dust. we kissed in the fields and under trees, screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves. It was empty on the edge of the town, but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river. So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay, and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease. In our cancer of passion, you said, "Death is a midnight runner." The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide. We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress. The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn, as the Ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop. A few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime. I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked if you would accompany me in a quick fall; but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two. I rode alone. You said, "The cinders are falling like snow." There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence, of blue and grey. Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city. The sun has stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon, and darkness is a mystery of curves and lines. Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward; and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message.

Well, I came to the conclusion the other night that I am giving up with guys, for good (yeah yeah we will see how long that lasts)...I came to the decision the majority of them are pricks and their main aim in life is to fuck round with me (Robbie or anybody else that reads this, no thats not you)...But yeah, p-r-i-c-ks...Anyways I was supposed to be going out this morning but yeah....antisocialness took over and I decided to ignore the 4 msgs and 12 missed calls on my fone and sleep instead, so now because of my stupid fucking sleeping I have to organise the whole friggen thing again coz for some reason no one around here can do anything without me so what was sposed to be happening didnt and now I gota re organise it so I can be there....Honestly.... I've recovered from camp...took me awhile lol but I got there, despite the swollendness and the cuts and bruises and like...sleepyness I have recovered....Yayness, Hmm muh cousin is coming up next weekend for a few days...That should be interesting since I havent seen him for like 3 years and I had a fight with him and didn't talk to him for 2 of those....Should be a very interesting weekend.....Somewhere in amongst him being him here I have to see 4 other people...I dont think Ima be spending much time to myself next weekend sumhow....Oh well.... Taz and me are goin lez....Wooo for us....Well, I decided we are...To bad if you dont wana! Lmao Oh well, Im out... ----------------------------------- UPDATINGNESS I like guys again, coz da one dat made me not like guys, rang me and tis all good...I laughed nd laughed nd laughed...Jen is very happy, hes a funny guy...very funny...Yayfulness _______________________________♥Xx just let her pour her heart out for you? well every single time i see you, i start to feel this way. it makes me wonder if i am ever gona feel this way again theres a picture tearin in the back of my head i see it over and over if only i had the guts to feel this way if only you'd look at me and want to stay if i could, i'd take you in my arms and say i will never go, cause i need you.

Im back. yay for jen!! and I can surf!!!! woooo. Robbie and Taz I missed u guys heaps!!!! Like lots n lots n lots n lots...I dont really have that much energy to go into great detail but it was good...besdies the weather which was shit...neways I will go into more detail later bcoz yea...soreness...mwahz ----------------------- Jen Luvs Robbie 4eva

1. Tell her she is beautiful, not hot, fine or sexy. 2. Hold her hand at any moment even if it just for a second. 3. Kiss her on the forehead. 4. Leave her voice messages to wake up to. 5. Always tell her you love her at any and all times. 6. When she is upset hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you. 7. Recognize the small things . . . They usally mean the most. 8. Call her sweety. [not baby] 9. Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is. 10. Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with. 11. Write her notes. [she loves them] 12. Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend. 13. Play with her hair. 14. Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle with her. 15. Sit in the park and just talk to her. 16. Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes. 17. Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because you missed her. 18. Let her fall asleep in your arms. 19. Carve your names into a Tree. 20. If she's mad at you, kiss her. 21. Give her piggyback rides. 22. Bring her Flowers just because. 23. Treat her the same around your friends as you do when your alone. 24. Look her in the eyes and smile. 25. Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants. 26. Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing. 27. Kiss her in the rain. 28. If your in love with her> . . . Tell her. ----------------------------------------- A boy l o v e d this girl but the girl didn't mind. One day the boy got s i c k and was about to die. Then the girl asked, "Why are you l e a v i n g me?" Then the boy a n s w e r e d, "So I can be your a n g e l and love you f o r e v e r". --------------- Yay finally it works Thanx Robbie. Xoxoxo -------------------------------------- Well Im to lazy to make a whole new entry so Ill just write here ay... Im off tmoro, for the week, how I am guna survive without this for the week I duno. How Im guna survive without the net in general I duno. I will die...I contemplated taking my computer with me, but I doubt that will work, I contemplated Robbie's idea of takin screenshots of his diary and printing them out, or copying his pic onto shirts and giving them to everyone. Also I dont think they will work (soz darl) So I will just have to survive without it all..... Lol, makes me sound like such a nerd, not bein able to survive for 4 days without the net but....well I am not a nerd Ill assure uz, If i have no net I have no way of talking to normal sane people or listening to music and without music I DIE Oh well lol... Well I guess thats all I have to say, wait I got somethin else. WTF is the big deal about the pope dyin like god damn its not like anyone knew the guy. Who gives a shit?? (sorry if that offends anyone...Im not a religious person...but still...who cares) And my friggen tv show I watch was cancelled the other night coz he was dying. ARGH Newho dats all for now darlins...Have a good week, Rob I will miss u (mwwwwwaaaaaaahhhhzzzzzzz)

Never try to hold onto someting that isnt there...It will only hurt you more... When I look into your eyes I see whats missing from my heart... I love you is 8 letters...but then again...so is Bullshit I need you....like...you need her... How can u mean nothing to somone who means everythiong to you Im trying realy hard not to cry over you bcoz every tear is just another reminder of how i dont know how to let u go... loved you more than I have ever loved anyone. Why did you hurt me? You caused a lot of pain and you took a small piece of my heart with you. I try to forget you but something... something tells me not to. All I need, is to see you again... I need to know if it was real. I need you to look my in the eye and tell me that it wasn't.... But most of all... I need to see the look in your eyes when you say it. That will tell me all I need to know... and maybe then, I can get over you... or maybe, just maybe, I'll still let you keep that piece of my heart that you took away. Love is like falling down, in the end ur left hurt, scarred and with a memory of it forever! The strongest person you see during the day might be the person that cries themselves to sleep at night...

I am extremely fucking bored Your Icon is..... by d3athofs3asonsYour NameYour AgeYour B-dayYour Icon Is....Quiz created with MemeGen! Your love is... by ChibiMarronchanYour name is...Your kiss is...deliciousYour hugs are...to die forYour eyes...burn into my heartYour touch is...awakening my heartYour smell is...refreshingYour smile is...encouragingYour love is...uniqueQuiz created with MemeGen!

Why does this hurt so much? Why can't I get this kid out of my head. He shouldn't mean anything to me...But he does... I shouldnt want to be with him but I do... I shouldnt think about him all the time...But I do... I shouldnt have let him use me...But I did... Why doesn't he feel the same way, why doesnt he long for me Like I long for him... Its fucked up...But still I pretend to go on, as if nothing is wrong, with that same old happy smile on my face like I couldnt give a damn....But I do... If I gave you pretty enough words, could you paint a picture of us that works... ========================================================================================== You met him standing in front of traffic - or, to your dismay, the lack thereof - at three a.m. It was pouring and your world was grey. His eyes were made of stars, and he said, "How can you be so sad when the world is so beautiful?" You looked up at him with your heart pouring through your eyes, and you answered, "Where is it that you can find beauty in a place like this?" And he looked at the sky, and he looked in your eyes, and he said, "Beauty is relative. There is beauty in pain, and in love, and in sadness, and in death. There is beauty in you, and there is beauty in right now. I like to think that every moment is a work of art. It just takes a little bit of searching to separate the mess and find the beauty in it all."

Its amazing how fast everything can fall apart...how everything can be ok one day then the next...nothing is ok...you find out that the past 8 months of ur life has just been one huge lie... Do you feel security knowing that you have broken me A ghost of you is all that I have left is all that I have left of you to hold I wake in the night to find theres no one there but me and nothing of what were,at all

Hey gorgeous what up up ta? mmm im bored. Kinda freaked out afta the other night...thinkin id gone to far or something but yeah...I duno whats up with me lately. Hope u dont think im a slut or something...coz yeah...i dont normally do that. Well...sorta am being more sluttyish than i normally would be but i duno why. Tryna get over andrew i guess. Duno ay...was in the weirdest mood last night...I really hate andrew at the moment but u know what i hate the most...that i dont hate him at all...Ive hardly been thinking about him lately..which is a good thing i guess...i miss him the most when i want to tell somone something and i cant just ring him up and tell him knowing he'll be hapy to listen, or go round just to see him, not for anything in particular...coz i dont have anyone to tell. Like ive got simon and leah and everyone...but...its not the same...I duno then i think about how ski probably is on the fone to him or something or with him. You know...i didnt think i did but i hate her so much, im so angry at her. How the fuck could she do that and say the things she said, i really wish i knew what i have ever done to her, like maybe the whole wes thing, and everything related to that she blames me for still, maybe she blames me for losing mark when she found out what he was going to do to her....same thing he did to me..maybe for letting her go out with seppi even after i told her not to...i duno. I hate her tho....cant beleive she has done what she has....so much for being a friend...You no i was lyin there with simon today watchn a movie...was so good u no...just to b with someone...n then i thought no i shouldnt b thinkin that he has a girlfriend who he loves...i just want that u no like....somone to love me. Not somone who cheats on me, fucks me round, plays mind games with me, hooks up with my friends, gets me drunk and stoned so i cant comprehend nethin n fucks me...you no its kinds scarin me, i think that people doing stuff to me...cant even fuckin say the word....like..rape...tghat word...cant say it. Pppl doing that...i think has got to me the point where i really couldnt care less what happens to me...like my body is there and if ppl wana use it they can and i couldnt care otherwise...Itss scary...somwhere in me tho...all i want is to be loved..genuinely loved by somone...somone who i can love with all my heart and they will love me back just as much and i kno my heart will be safe with them and they wont tear it out and rip it up leaving me to pick up the pieces....Just to be loved...I havent felt that for so long...i thought i had that with andrew...you know how u can lie in bed with somone and watch tv and it makes u so happy doing a simple thing like that just bcoz u kno ur both so much in love with each other and always will be....That was all bullshit tho ay...All of that was just one big huge lie....Everythin he ever told me. Was spose to be going to perth with him for 3 weeks these hols...Week after next i woulda left...I spose like simon said its good i listened to him when he begged me not to move out and go live with andrew otherwise god knows where i would be right now. Like...was he feedin me lies or somthin and buildin up all my hopes and everything and then planning to let it all come crashing down around me or what, coz i really did think everything was fine. Like yeah he got angry with me sometime over little things but that was just him. Maybe it was just me that couldnt see it. I think carson could see it...and maybe simon....coz a few days before he dumped me i was talking to carson about it and he said to me that it seemed to him like he was just drifting away from me and i wouldnt be able to stop him as much as i wanted him to...I think he knew...maybe i knew and just didnt want to admit to it...I still didnt want to after it happened...That morning after he dumped me...all carson had to do was look at me and i burst into tears...couldnt say he had dumped me or anything....Leah didnt see it coming but i guess she was like me and i never told her about the bad stuff bout our relationship like how we had a huge fight when he accused me of cheating on him with simon, how we had a huge fight when he called leah a slut and alot of other thing which got me really angry, how he used to get angry with me when he was like tryna do stuff with me and i was like...reali self conscious or something after everything and would sometimes freak out a bit, how he thought the whole world revolved around him and all his problems, how he would get all upset with me if i was working and couldnt see him, how he couldnt understand that after 2 yrs me and ski were still hurting from wes...stuff like that... I didnt tell her any of that....only simon coz yeh...well i see him everyday..and he could always get it out of me...Like i think about stuff like that and i think like why the fuck did i go out with hima nd fall in love with him...and then i think about all the good stuff...which makes me realise why i did...I think i miss that in general more than him at the moment...having somone to laugh with, having somone to cry with....having somone to be there. You no what else...you no me and bindy were like really close...its like i dont even no her anymore...i havent had a proper conversation with her in god knows how many months...I didnt even really tell her about andrew...just...was sitting there one day at skool and she asked me if everything was ok and i said me and andrew had broken up and started crying she said somthin like its alright sweety he didnt deserve u anyway u deserve somone so much beteer...and that was it...we havent talked properly for so long...Not since she was here for the weekend a few months ago...and the whole matty/simon thing happened....I miss her...like...shes here but shes not...i havent even talked to her while weve been on hols...havent ehard from her in a month....Neway...just add that to the list of peiple ive lost.........Nway Like i been lookin everywhere for somone to hook up with lately...(not theres much hope of that with guys round here) and i really duno why like....what the fuck is that guna acheive...ill go out with them, they fuck me, we'll have a few good times, then when i get all attached all thats guna happen is im goin to get hurt again....Still...i miss it tho...Being loved... dont even kno why im sayin all that...Maybe coz its easier to tell somone that, that i dont see each day, so next time i talk to u, u wont say something to me about it that will make me cry,so u dont have to see my tears...I dont want leah to see that... seen enough of them.... Anyway heres my short email thats turned into a story with me pouring my heart out to you and you probably really dont care....I duno why u would...I wouldnt if i was listening to me...Neway...u probably wont even read this...Thing is...im not thinkin zbout this stuff majority of the time...Im normally happy and eveerythin but then i start thing and yeah...ill shutup...

I thort this was supposed to get easier, its not...its getting harder...it gets harder every morning i wake up and realise we're not together anymore and i just cant him when i wake up to tell him i love him and for him to say...'i love u to' back god i miss hearing those words. Im snapping over the tiniest little things i think im going to break soon...I need him so much, i try and make out that im brave and strong and that hes a prick and i hate him for all the bad stuff hes done and how much hes hurt me and yea hes hurt me but fuck i miss him so much. Everything i do, everything i see, everything i hear, everywhere i go reminds me of him....I need to get away...out of her...when ash gets settled maybe ill go there...i duno...

See all those people on the ground wasting time I hold it all inside but....just for tonight... The top of the world sitting herewishing The THINGS I'VE BECOME That something is missing maybe I... but what do I know And now it seems that I have found nothing at all I want to hear your voice out loud s l o w...i t...d o w n...s l o w...i t...d o w n... without it all I'm chokingon nothing It's clear in my head and I'm screaming for something Knowing Nothing Is Better Than Knowing At All ....on my own.... _______________________________

Well...I think its time I updated properly...Havent for awile now... Not much has happened really, still havent got myself a guy, I decided I need a bf though coz I am so sick of being called a slut...Im not..well not that much anyways.. Theres guys but...I duno, theres sum Simon guy but meh...we're just friends and he lives the other side of Brissy anyways so we wouldnt see each other that much...theres ppl I would like to be with and who said they would be with me...Except they dont actually live in the same state as me...And their are random people who want to be with me...only for one reason of course though...coz they know they will get what they want. Im starting to think lately thats the only reason any guy has anything to do with me, is coz they have it in their head that I will put out with them...Do I have some sort of sign on my head sayin "SLUT, COME HERE" no i dont think so...All I want is someone to love me...thats all i fuckin want and you would think I was askin for a millon dollars or something... As much as I hate andrew, Ive been missing him lately...Doing the whole cry myself to sleep thing over him. I hate doing that coz all he has done is cause me pain, so why do i miss him?? He lied to me, got sex every week, took money from me, lied some more, got with my best friend and then broke my heart so why...Like...I really dont get it...I hate him and I hate that syco nutcase bitch as well but yeah...Maybe its just cause he was the first person that actually loved me...In a long time...Since matt....And I was in love with him...That afternoon him and her showed up at work...I dont think it was her that freaked me out and upset me...I think it was seeing him...Seeing him after doing everything possible to get over him and forget he even exists and then just to see him and then to have him look straight through me like i wasnt even there, or like he wanted to make me hurt seeing him and her together...What the fuck did I ever do them god dammit. Nothing... We decided a few weeks ago after her showing up and my boss wanting me to get a restraining order against her that I wouldnt...Not because she doesnt scare me coz she does in her own way because I know what she is capable of but because if I went to the cops about her...a) she would be going to juvie and as fucked up as she is I know myself she wouldnt last in there and she still deserves a chance b) If i did that, it means she has won, it would mean she had gotten to me enough to do something about her and Im not letting that happen... Anyway as much as it seems Ive only got bad stuff to say, Im not cut up or anything over all that, I just needed to say it and no one here knows me...well...in person, so I guess they can't judge me as much can they...Anyways I am happy otherwise so don't think Im not. I dont let stuff get to me anymore, I decided i wasnt going to this year...And im succeeding, people can think about me what they like I just dont give a fuck anymore... Newho, robbie I am so proud of u for updating...Wooot ( I kno somone that says woot in real life as well and he's a guy so don't think ur weird or nothin...well...extra speshully weird :p Muh gorgeous darlin little chickun no nothing has happened with you-know-who since I told you last. I have to ring him later so I will see what he says then, and he will tell me what ash said to him...I feel bad though that I have caused him problems coz that is the last thing I want to do but, it is her own fault and like I said to him last night...he deserves better than her...besides he said he doesnt care that shes mad so yer... Muh other gorgeous chickun ( you will have to guess who you are :p) Im glad to have you back and no ur not dead. (btw we won da footy!!) Love u!!! :p Mwah Newho dats all for me...Mwahz to everyone else He whispers that he loves her, but she's probably only looking for... So much more than he could ever give. A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.

It's so nice sitting very still, in a room where no one else can feel the pain that breaks my heart each day, I'm not ok. Sunlight shining through my window, let's me know that I'm still alive Why did I ever let you inside my heart? I'm such a fool. Paint my face in shades of blood and grey and take a seat right next to me But I should've known that you were a killer. But now I'm dead. A gaping hole, shot through my heart A lost connection from your poison dart Shot from your tounge to end my life. But if you're blowing at the fire to light your strife. You'll never know. You'll never know. The hardest thing about dying is, knowing you'll never see the light of day. A gaping hole shot...(shot through my heart) A lost connection from your poison dart. My head now spins and my ears bleed gold. I try so fucking hard, but I can't fit your mold. The hardest thing about dying is, knowing you'll never see the light of day. [x2] You ripped my heart out, you tore my eyes out, now you're gonna pay I'll stab you one time. I'll eat your heart out so you feel my pain. Don't you know that I always see you in all of my dreams? I wanna kill you. I wanna kill you. Now I'm insane

An old friend of mine told me that she was concerned for me. Isnt it funny how the people who leave your life and don't talk to you for a year come back just to say they think you have a problem. I find this funny because she hasn't thought twice to call me or contact me this whole year. Then suddenly.. she calls to tell me I have a drinking problem... "Jen you are an alcoholic." Please , that's the least of my problems. Life at the moment just calls for some drinks every now and then.. especially now. I love to forget. Then she tells me I have a problem of using sex and alcohol as means to try and forget all my "problems" Fuck you up there controlling my fate, making sure I'll never get anything I want to love. Only drinks that pour and those to give out. There are only so many words I can write in the dark, to contimplate in these intoxicated times, when I know tomorrow I won't be able to read these lines... Open mind and heart and enter you- what was I thinking falling for you? I fell hard, now it just hurts and the scraped knee begins to bleed As he said....."If u like him then tell him...Do you wanna be a sex object at his disposal, ready to fuck at the click of his fingers...But you ask yourself, do you only like him cause of sex?..." ♥=======================================================================================================================================♥ I love to see beauty in things in life I believe the world will never revolve around one person I¡¯m that person you mum told you to stay away from as a kid I fall in love way to easy I want you to figure me out People close to my heart will always stay that way The world distracts me too easily I say, I hate you often, but I never mean it. if the world ended and i was there to see it i would be the one saying 'its about time' I have the best dreams but I always have to wake up Kisses in the rain are my favourite Taking photos from the heart not just because I can I believe you can never run away from yourself I ignore the world a lot I¡¯m gullible and it always is used to hurt me I regret all those times I thought I was in Love Every time I smile my heart gets a little lighter

Ohh guess whose birthday it is today. Yes thats right! Its my lesbian luver Taryns birthday, so you should all pop along to her little diary feelyoufalling and leave her some loving coz she is the most beautifulest girl in the whole world! And she is mine! Mwaaahhzzz ===================================================================================================================================== _|..____________________, , _ / `---_____________________|] ---------- this lust 2 my brain /_==o _________________| ----------- almost feels like a gun ), ---.(_(__) / // (..) ), ----" //___// /`-----' /`-----' /`-----' If my words wouldn't slur I'd kindly explain the tears streaming down my face when you said you wouldn't talk to me again... for no reason... but your own selfish ones. So now I have to be drunk to explain anything to myself, to explain why the person who said they'd always love me and be my friend would leave me in the darkest period of my life. Where exactly did you misplace your heart? But tonight it’s ok because I can’t think straight in a drunken haze. “I love you, I hate you. All I know is I don’t know nothing and nothings going to break my heart, break down to a thousand pieces.” You just wouldn’t believe the words she wrote the ones that went something along the lines of my own self defeat. Sometimes you need to hear the truth, but the truth is harsh and can bite so hard it hurts. I’m hurting so bad and the alcohol is making me sick to the point I don’t think I could take much more of it.’ I just can’t tell anymore if its your words or the vodka making my stomach churn. I hope to god it’s this drink and those words were blurred and I just heard them wrong. I almost had myself beleiving I could get over it all I was so close.... ======================================================================================================================================= ♥HAPPY BIRTHDAY ♥

Ah its fuckin hot, spose to be 40 degrees on wednesday guna dieee...Newho. How are we all? Yesm look at da pretyful speshulness of muh diary now...Thanks chlo!! Mwahz lub u Neways...found out simon got a job at big w...just happens to b where skye works...so she will try her hardest to turn him against me...i asked him not to talk to her and he said so ur tellin me who i can and cant talk to now? argh fuck he pisses me off sometimes...I just went quite then and he gave me a hug but meh...She probly will...be just my luck...Oh well stay cool "Now my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found, but I was alive and now I've drowned. So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song so they can tell me I was wrong..."

Yea well, heaps has happened sort of...Stuff happened with somone yesterday...which made me realise how much they mean to me...Im so freaked out somthin will...but Im hopin so much it wont coz god i duno wat id do without him...He means so much to me, I just wish he knew how much... I been asked to a formal...woo..its a bit weird, neva actualy met the guy before but hey...Gots to do the whole get dressed up thing...have to wear sumthin on muh feet beside thongs haha that was jess's main concern...Oh well...Should b all interestin..Poor guy was scared to ask me...Think I probably scared him off more when I laughed at him when he asked me....sorta laughed and said yea sure why not...Haha oh well... Neway Im like...full dying still...got glandular fever or some shit...the fact thats its about 4 million degrees doesnt help it either. O well, Im out

Your Life: The SoundtrackCreated by aiko and taken 19151 times on bzoink!Opening creditsBrand New-Glory fadesWaking upRookie Of the Year-Funeral For A FriendAverage dayDreaming a RealityFirst dateFirst Date - Blink 182Falling in loveTake Me - Hawk NelsonLove sceneOnly One-YellowcardFight sceneSur Facing-slipknotBreaking upRazorblades - Story of the YearGetting back together Best of Me - The Starting LineSecret loveDefinitely Maybe - FM StaticLife's okayJaded (These Years) - MestMental breakdownSenses Fail_Handguns and Second ChancesDrivingThe Boys Of Summer - The AtarisLearning a lessonLet It Out - PillarDeep thoughtVindicated - Dashboard ConfessionalFlashbackThe Transition - Hawthorne HeightsPartyingNext Big Thing - 1208Happy danceEric Prydz-BreatheRegretingGood Riddance (Time Of Your Life) - Green DayLong night aloneNight Alone - MestDeath sceneLight Up Ahead - Further Seems ForeverClosing creditsStuck - AllisterCreate a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! Why is it when everything is fine, everyone is always willing to b there...and then when things r quite shit, and the 2 ppl I reach out to the most...the only 2 ppl i reach out to, are the 2 ppl that bail on me...Fucking great isnt...not guna cry...

Well, apparently there was some guy there last night that knows her lookin for me so thats great. I duno, sometimes I think its all in my head, all this happening but then I realise its not...Someone sugggested I get a restraining order out on her...but she hasnt physically done anything...yet. And even if she had, its not like some piece of paper is going to stop her....I hope she dies, I really fuckin do. First I was scared, more freaked out than ever...Im still scared but I hate her for doin this to me..livin every day in so much fear that everywhere I go Im lookin over my shoulder makin sure shes not there...I hate it, at least if she was dead I wouldnt have to worry I'd know she was gone...I hate myself even more for wishing it but I have been so scared....I still am...this anger will pass and then Ill b scared again and it pisses me off so much...and shes tryna turn everyone against me "I dont kno u but I kno u well enough to kno u deserve better than having jen as a friend, all she will do is go round badmmouthing u and calling u a slut. She will fuck ur life up just like she did to mine" Thats when I unblockher and told her if she has a problem with me fine but not to bring my friends into it.. The other day, when all this started I woulda jumped on a bus and gone down to be with lochie...But i cant...1. Coz of skool and work 2. Im not going to run away from her...Hide away, yes but run no. Thing is, Shes that fucked in the head she might calm down forget about me and Ill not here from her in 6 mths and oin 6 mths time Ill b getn the txts and woterva else happening again saying shes guna bash me...How the fuck am i spose to kno wat to do...I dont...No1 gets it...

why does this shit have to fuckin b happenin.,.fuck...as soon as everythin is ok and all this blows up...