so im going to tafe and is going prtty good.i have meet some really cool people there and made sum good friends. and one of them is josh.hes 24 and really nice and sweet.me and him get on reallt well,and well we are kinda like seeing each other,and he isnt like sum other guys.he like sat down wit me and was like "i just want to tell u were i stand" cause we had sum probs wit this other girl cause she kinda likes him as well but yer he said that he doesnt like her and if i wanted me could still hook up n stuff n like after this thing at tafe we could get together or wateva.anywayz yer me n troy well josh has been really helpful wit that like he understands where i am cuming from n y i put up wit all the shit he puts me though.i have been trying so hard not to call troy but i had to yesterday just because he sent me a txt n i had missed calls from him.so i think its best if i dont talk to him anymore or just of a while to see wat happens.cause he alwayz cums bak to me but not this time. im happy wit josh n he makes things so easy to hard and like i dont have to be sumthing that im not when im wit him. that was a lil update.

i said the other week that i was sik of all this shit wit troy n dean n i am.they have been ringing me all weekend n fuking me off big time saying shit like ur an emo. anywayz... so i had tamaras birthday party on friday it was boring at the start cause me n chatel didnt no anyone else there so there were like groups.anywayz it got better n i had fun in the end.i started talking to this guy n yer well on ended up hooking up.haha he is a hell gud kisser as well.n cute. n hell sweet.oh n bi.didnt no till last night.not that i care or anything its just fun i think.im not sure if i like him or not.hes 19/20 n an awsome guy to be wit. anywayz so yer i went out last night told mum i was staying at a friends, n went driving wit him n hes friend.we just parked the car sum where, n talked n stuff it was kool. so i said i wanted new guys the other day cause im sik of dateing my friends it turns out shit.an well i guess i got wat i wanted. so hopefuly me n chantel can start hanging out wit them. yer well i just wanted to update on things. i want to keep writing in here so that when im older i have sumthing to look bak on. .................................. R.I.P two australian icons have died this week. Monday Steve irwin, and now Peter Brock, famous aussie racing car driver, died in a car crash on friday.

well troy dumped me the night after,hes reason is he doesnt feel the same way, i no wat hes talking abou8t cause i feel the same thing,but the diffrance is that i didnt want to let him go cause we both no that we are meant to be together everyone nos it, its just because we have been trough so much together its hard to feel the same,we love each other just not like we did the first time.he talks to me about all most anything n everything, n same here i tell him everything he nos more about me then anyone.i mean the hole reason we are not going out is cause he doesnt want in hole title of "bf,gf" but he still wants to do everything we are doing now, witch is a big ask for me cause it took alot for me to do wat i did in the first place.but i did it cause i love him and alwayz will n he told me the same thing. i dont no really wats happing wit me n him atm cause i called him last night n he found out i cut, n he hang up on me so i called him bak n asked him y n he goes cause u cut, n i go no i dint, then he asked if i would swear on hes life, n he nos i cant do that n that i have to tell the truth so i said yer i did. n said goodnight n hung up agian.

omg dean is back. aftt all the shit he put me n chantel though and hes bak. me n troy are really gud n we are like best friends again.and every time dean cums bak he fukes things up between me n troy. i cried last night cause i dont want to lose troy again not because of dean anywayz. jess.k said that if dean tries to do anything to me or troys friendship she will kill him.aww shes so cute. troy doesnt even no that i no yet.cause it was jessk hu told me. i txted him but he did nt txt bak n i no he cas cred.is this a sign dean has already started to fuk it up?

well here i am once again, bak wit troy:) it all started friday he invited me n chantel over hes house, i kinda thourt sumthing might happen but didnt think he would ask me out let alone me ask him out haha. i was so drunk n well he asked me out n i said no then we went out side alone n hooked up n i asked him out lol didnt think that would happen but it did im so happy callum goes u to were made for each other n trioy goes yer i no..awww i love him so much. we spent the hole weekend together friend,saturday and sunday. saturday was the best night eva we talked heapz n told each other wat we really wanted to say n i told him i missed him more then anything. we that just a lil update on things. love♥

ok so i just read a comment chantel left me n i mite give this another chance. i havent been on here for so long n so much has changed. i just read my last entry omg it seems like it ages ago so much has happen. so lets so were to start.. well me n troy went out 4 a few days after everything happen it was kinda off n on. but in the end we just didnt work. me n chantel hooked up wit dean once agian but got into a fight wit hes gf even tho we didnt no he had a gf but oh well chantel is now friends wit her n i kinda am i guess dont really talk to her. me n chantel had a fight wit troy n dean no longer friends wit dean n well troy it always is changing. we have became friends wit most the pplz at hjs, simon,jess,steve n more. we found out that dean is getting married witch was odd. but he is just that kinda person he doesnt even no wat the word love means, or sorry for that matter. i al going out wit steve atm,after 3days it was gud but then he didnt talk to me n just really seemed like he didnt want to no me, n well troy was telling me how much he missed being wit me n how much he wants to go out wit me agian ,n well he was there n was saying all the right stuff so i hooked up wit him. i no wrong thing to do after everything i have been though i should no better. i just had my birthday on the 23 june, bad day, we had police here to dust for finger prints cause our house got broke into agian 4 times in 3 weeks. my nana broke her hip while at my house for cake, so then we had the ambo here.then i went out cause it was my bday n i really needed to get of of the house.it was ok i guess nutten really happen. 24 june i stayed at chantels n got piss for everyone, chantel had brake down.awww my poor lil girl. i love her so much i couldnt have gone though wat i have wit out her. :) i o her so much. troy told me how much he liked me n that he still loved me.i yelled at him n told my that he should treat me like a friend not like a toy. anywayz nutten else really to talk about me chantel n troy had fight last week cause he thourt i was gona buy piss n well i didnt.so he had a cry about it.so once again it was just me n chantel.troy told steve i hooked up wit him n at the time he didnt no we were going out other wise he wouldnt have done it. witch is fuked up cause he knew that night steve ashed me out.all he was trying to do was get him self out of the shit. anywayz thats about all.steve isnt really talking to me n well i had a cry the other night. i want tot talk to him better but like we mostly just txt n it fuks me off. comment me xxx

ok this is a lil update on things...well everything was great for a lil while but i guess i just have bad luck or sumthing cause on friday i found out troy cheated on me witch was way not wat i thourt he would eva do..cause he no how much it hurt me when dean did it...anywayz i went n saw him yeserday n it was kinda fuked up at first cause i didnt no wat to say n well yer im glad chantel n bak too cause she was there..love ya hun! jess was there as well but yer anywayz after like 1hour he asked for a hug so i gave him a hug n it felt really well i dont no like nutten was there like it didnt mean anything and it used to mean so much to me even he said that when he called me last night...anywayz we are still; going out cause i no that he would never do it again, i mean he had done everything wiv me till then cause wehn we started going out he had never even kissed anyone,well thats wat he told me..but i dont no...i still love him so much n like i no i dont trust him right now n i wont for a lil while but i can get over this if he is willing to give it a go...i no he does cause we taked about starting over,so today is monday n we have been going out for 4 weeks.. i need to talk to him 2night n get sum stuff sorted out i was thinking 2day i dont really no where i stand anymore wiv all this n i had this felling like i miss him so much n i dont really no y cause its not like he is anywhere hes right here just i feel like if we dont go out i am going to loss my best friend,cause he said it is hard for him to like be the same way n do the same things as we used to n yer i get that but i dont want to loss him cause i think this could be a really gud thing..that we have/had???? thats the thing i guess i will wait n see wat he says/thinks... i love the way u look at me even thou i tell u not to, and the smile on ur face when u do, i love it when u call me just to say "i love you", the way u put ur hand around me the way u hold my hand the way u talk about us getting a house..lol n how we wil have to by home brand food:) i love ur eye,n they way u make it hard for me to say no, i love everything about u but i wish i could tell him all of this but im to scared to let you in n feel the things i feel even thou sumtimes i wish u knew..... well im sitting here thinking about him again n i just thourt of sumthing i no he hurt me but i think it would kill me if he left me......... i think i have found the one person that i can truely say i love just wish he knew how much he means to me,he is like my everything n anything to me...ok i sound like some kinda of love sick puppy..lol..hehehe but hey wat can ya do... oh yer i think i had better talk to tazz n say sorry..i kinda had a go at him on friday for sticking up for troy...lol..im sorry n thankz for beening a gud friend u to shane..loves ya heapz anywayz i did say this was gonna be a lil update but oh well,love ya alwayz amber xox love ya troy

omg i miss you so much ay...wat ya been up to? me n jess have been doing the same old stuff.. everything is so fuked up i really needed to talk to you the otha day ay.. oh guess wat troy got me a ring its so cute n he is so sweet ay.. n it wasnt even for any reason he just got it...i got him a cross necklace it a really nice one..anywayz read my otha entry so u no wats going on wiv ur brother n me...lol.. i cant wait till u came bak ay cause then i have some to talk to cause like jess doesnt really seem to care n i cant really talk to her about that kinda stuff.. hope u have/had a great new year;s eve! kk well i mite write some more later loves ya hun amba xox ♥

so nutten new has happen really...troy came over yesterday when mum n dad went out...lol it was heapz funny cause they came home to get something n he had to hide..lol then they went bak out n came home agian..lol..so he went out the bak for a lil bit till they left..lol..then they went out for likr 4 hours..omg i would have been so dead if they found out.. i walked troy to the bus stop n waited wiv him till the bus came then left..when i got home he rang me n said he had one of the best days eva:)i was like aww...i told him to call me at like 10pm so we could talk cause it was new years eve n we werent doing anything so yer.. so he called at like 9 n said he wasnt gonna be able to call cause he was going to a party n yer i dont no i go to him done hook up wiv anyone..n he goes i wont! but for some reason i didnt really believe him.. i think i cause of everything that has happen wiv dean that i dont really trust him well not him all guys..witch is kinda sad.. a lil later he called agian n said that he wasnt gonna go cause he wanted to talk to me...but like 10mins later he said he was so yer i dont no ay..i felt really fuked off about it.. anywayz shane rang me,he was at kings park..anywayz we were taking n i was kinda pissed off n upset n for some reason he could tell n asked me wat was wrong but i said it was nutten...well then i did end up telling him..anywayz he goes i still like u i was like wtf u said the other night u didnt n we had this big fight cause of stuff that was said he goes yer i just said that...i was like wtf? he goes r u gonna break up wiv troy..i was like no he doesnt even no that im upset about anything! so yer he wants to go out wiv me but yer i dont no wat to do i think i love troy but now i dont no i mean i still like shane a bit..n i have for ages but i dont no..me n troy have only been goin out for a lil while n yer .... anywayz...me n jess had vodka c's last night n yer it was ok i guess but i would have liked to be out ay... omg i got a txt from chantel last night i think im gonna wirte an letter to her on my diary lol so she nos wat has been happening n stuff n babe if u read this u write me one to..kk so i no wat ya been up to loves ya heapz amber xox

kk well i swear this boy fukes wiv my head..lol..but yer this is wat just happen... ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: i dnt no who nu like BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: lol BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: urm ppl ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: troy BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: yer ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: are u sure BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: y ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: i just dnt think u do BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: y not? BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: y dont u think i like troy? ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: because u dnt look happy woth him but hay its your life ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: im not trying to do anythin g to your lifes ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: im mean the best for u guys that all ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: say sumthin ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: did i make u angry i didnt mean to afend u ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: amber ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: ok then i will leave u alone ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: shit i dnt mean it ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: ok amber its because yes i do have feeling for u ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: ok BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: wat ya doin right now? ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: nothin BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: do u wanna cum over? ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: i can get there BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: oh k y not ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: i got no bike and im not working ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: i will meant u sumwere BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: nah it just me n jess at home n i cant leave her here n she wont go wiv me BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: dont worrie about it BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: so y u still like me ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: i dnt no theres sumthin about u BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: awww thats cute..lol BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: but u alwayz want me when u cant have me BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: thats the thing.... ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: i no BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: i liked u for so long n u had ages to do sumthing about it...n u never did BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: u no thats saying"u alwayz want, what u cant have" ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: i no BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: y dont u think i like troy? BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: i mean y u think i dont look happy wiv him ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: well remeber u didnt want to kiss him i mean if it was me i would right but yeh BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: nah it just well he nos y ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: wat BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: it just after everything happen wiv dean..i dont want to get hurt ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: far enouht i mean i would bame u BeAuTiFul DiSaSteR i'll do AnYtHiNg just to hold u in my arms,ill do AnYtHiNg just to fall asleep wiv u says: yer well he really hurt me n well troy nos that...i told him ...........NuThIn To SaY......... says: k

i hate this place sometimes i really do...one day everything is gud the next is seems to all fall apart..im sure everyone feels like this once n a while n u think im just beenin a stupid lil emo person but the thing is im not emo!yer i have my fair share of things to deal wiv but hu doesnt? i dont no wat i did to dean..like i really dont hes the one that tells me he loves me when im goin out wiv hes best friend,n kisses me i never did anything..n he hates me i dont no y i care cause hes the one hu cheated on me n yet i still care about him..i mean as in a friend...cause thats all i want from him..i love troy n i would never do anything to hurt him!last night he wanted to kiss me n i backed off but i have my reasons i just wish i could tell him...the thing is i dont want to let someone in n let them hurt me again... i really want to talk to someone a bout all this and the only person i can think about is chantel but she left today i miss her already..troy called me just b4 i was really upset n was like cryin but i didnt let him no..im so fuked up right now..all he said was if i cared wat he thourt i wouldnt do anything..then fukin dean goes hu u talkin to n troy said amber then dean goes y u talkin to the hoe! dean asked troy to dump me n said no but..then thing is i dont no wat he says about me behide me bak i hope he doesnt say shit cause think i really like him..its just hard to let him in...

yesterday we went to livo to met up wiv troy n chantel...cause we had to give her a lil sumthing for xmas..yay i cant wait till xmas cause i get my ipod..anywayz...so i cant be fuked writin much but i thourt i would write a lil sumthing so shane rang me while i was at livo n asked if he could cum down n i said yer but troy is just about to walk us home..so he said can i walk u home to n i said yer...but on the way there sumthing came up n well we had a fight witch included all of us but troy..he walked us till the bus stop then they kepted walkin n i stoped n waited wiv troy for hes bus then i had to go so i huged him n went to find the othas shane walked away wiv out saying goodbye n he called jess a skank..i dont no wat hes prob was ay so we maybe shouldnt have said anything about sumone but oh well..he will get ova it i think...lol k well troy asked me out last night we can like talk for ages on the fone ay n like still have things to talk about..lol..so anywayz i said that i needed to talk to dean..but fuk him cause tonight troy rang him to tell him i didnt want to go out wiv him cause he asked me out this week n he goes yer i dont care i have a new gf..n im gonna ask her to marry me i was like urm yer ok wateva...troy asked if i was ok..hes so sweet....and yer well we are going out lol...anywayz maybe this can be like a new start

so troy said he would get dean to ring me n well he did it was kinda odd but yer it was ok he said he didnt want anything to do wiv kat cause she is a liying bitch n i go yer i no i was the one hu told troy he was like oh ok i didnt no that... so anywayz he asked me out but i said do u even care that u hurt me n made me cry..he was like yer i do...but i dont think he does ay cause hes like y does everyone hate me bak in canningvale n im like cause they were there when he told me everything n they saw how hurt i was n how much i liked u...they were just standing up for me...hes like yer but y do they hate me..so i kinda just left that alone.. anywayz i said i would talk to him about it 2morrow night so i am..he also asked me to cum see him in bunbury but i dont think i should..n mum wouldnt never let me anyway.. well thats al i think byezz lovez ya amba xox

the otha night we went out the the canningvale primay skool..for this xmas thing it was kool cause we just hang out wiv our friends n shit...shane,tazz n david were been fuk head thou dont really no y,david even sent courtney a txt that said"i saw u ,u look like a slut 2nite"i was like urm yer ok cause she was wearing jans n like a top..fuking dickheads! me n tim tam looked for troy for most the night cause he was meant to be wiv kat n we wanted to talk to her cause tim tam told me that she isn having a baby she made it all up cause she didnt want dean to dump her or sum shit...but anywayz.. so i have been hanging out wiv troy lately it kool hes really nice n he was there for me when everything happen wiv dean even thou there like best friends.. i have also been hanging out wiv "tim tam" shes heapz nice person n understands me about the hole dean thing witch helpz alot.. i was at livo the otha day wiv troy,shane,tazz,tim tam,chantel n jess..it was gud n troy made me buy him smokes..lol..i dobnt mind it wasnt my money anywayz..but he is gonna pay me bak oh yer after everyone left it was just me troy n jess...guess hu rang kat..lol it was so funny cause troy was like urm yer talking then he goes yer here is dean n it was troy but he put on a voice n was like yer i love amber n i dont want anything to do wiv u then this guy came on the otha line n was like oh yer u fukin lil cunt u wait till i get hold of u i am gonna rub ur dicj on the floor till it bleeds..lol it was so funny ay...he thourt it was still dean but at that point jess had the fone n said oh yer sounds like fun..then the guy goes n you, u lil slut ull get it to..jess was like urm kats the one having a baby...it was heapz funny ay then the guy hang up on us.... anywayz loves ya all amba xox

fuk so much has happen...well skool has finshed for the year..so i went to the life center last night..wat fun that was the worst night eva! so we went to livo n picked up chantel at like 6 or sumthing n stayed at hj's for a bit...n truy came n he was wiv dean witch was odd cause he told me he wasnt going to be bak till monday..but it was gud cause i wanted to see him..he sat wiv us for a lil bit then told troy to go for a walk wiv him he came up to me n gave me a hug then told me he loved me n walked off still holding my hand like letting it slip away it felt odd.. anywayz after reece got bak wiv our piss..we walked over to the life center troy n dean were just in front of us n were like running away from us i was like wat the?....i didnt no wat was goin on ay..then we went n saw courtney. jess walked over to see dean n so did chantel so i was there wiv courtney..n troy was there n i go wats wiv u n dean n he goes sumthing big has happen n i go wat? n goes dont worrie about it so i stole hes smokes n he told me..he said see that girl over there she is having he baby! i was like wtf....wateva..so me n court walked over to see him but i couldnt say anything cause troy told me not to so yer dean asked if he could talk to me n yer he told me him self n was like urm wat do u want me to say he huged me n i like baked off n goes it happen when we werent goin out ..so dont act like that around me...so yer i walked off wiv chantel,jess n court to go find shane cause i needed smokes n piss...it kinda made me feel better but i drunk so much n i didnt even get tipsy or anything it wad kinda odd..cause like last time i had lil none n i was tipsy...anywayz later on i found shane,tazz david n all that..n talked to them it kinda made me feel better:)then reece's gf came n talked to me..she goes how do u feel n i said i dont no hey i dont no wat i should feel or say or even do! its so fuked up.she told me that if it was her she waould just leave it cause he not worth it but the thing is they dont no cause they have never been thou it themselfs..but she is so sweet... later even more i went n talked to dean..well kinda did anywayz he just said he didnt want anything to do wiv her or the baby so yer.... then courtney had to go i was like aww...i really needed her cause she is like the same age as me n yer i mean i love them all but they are all 13,14,15 later on the girl came up to me n asked if she could talk to me..i was like urmm yer i guess it was so odd i felt really fuked up ay thats when it really hit me n i started to cry...shane came over to me huged me i was like wat am i meant to do? we walked over to dean again n he asked if i was ok i looked at the groud..shane looked at me then goes to dean how do u think she is u cheated on her n now that chik is having ur baby!!!im so glad sumone had a go at him..cause i didnt really want to say anything to him...thankx shane...love ya xox well i didnt really talk to dean for the rest of the night ay...but hes "bitch" came n talked to me a few times...not that i really want to here anything she had to say! well i dont no wat else to write so im gonna go hope ya all gud..lovez ya all amba xox

yay i got dean to met us near my house n he went n goy us piss..i dont no hu that works cause im 16 n hes 15 but maybe it cause he looks older then me..lol anywayz so then we walked ot livo n picked up chantel,we sat at hj's for a bit n got coke so we could put j/b in it..lol..so thats when i started to get pissed.when we got to the life center we sat on the grass n had the hole bottle of passion pop well me n jess had hald each noone else really had any,then about 30 mins after it kicked in n i like feel to the ground it was funny,n dean was like tryin to rape me..lol...nah not really..jess n shawnie went for a walk n like didnt come bak for ages they thay came bak n told us they went to bakers fuk nos y...hes a cunt i hate him..well not hate him but still.. i cant really remba much else but i no i got a txt n told chantel to txt bak oh yer it was from karston,then he rang n she was yelling at him n i was tryin to get it off her then dean took it and yelled at him cause he thout i was like going out wiv him or sumthing i have no idea wat happen n y chantel was yelling at him i dont think he even did anything wrong but oh well i will have to find out.. i didnt hook up wiv shane i no that cause i really wanted to n didnt cause he was all over courtney n mikalyer or wat ever her name is...not meazning to be a bitch but yer...he was the one hu said he wanted to hook up n stuff..i just went ago wiv it! omg i all most forgot i didnt no hu it was at first but scott was there from last year i was in hes class it was heapz gud.. oh yer i told dean not to ask me out cause i dont think i would really no wat i was sayin yes to..but i think he mite have n i dont no wat i said i think i should find out 2morrow...lol..i dont no if i want to say yes or no cause i like shane like heapz but i dont see the point in waiting any more cause i have liked him for ages n we seem to be a on n off kinda thing were we like each otha but nutten ever happens...n yer i love him n all but sumtimes its not that easy..n i do like dean just not all the time..kinda mean to say but he fukes me off..but i luv him..lol anywayz loves ya all amber xox ps.i really feel like a hug!!from anyone

hes in jail now i feel even wrose...i rang shane like he told me to n well we not doin anything cause i got to much on right now i mean otha wise i would,so im gonna call him lata n see wats happen 2nite...i dont think anyone is goin to livo 2nite,so yer well i g2g try call him again i dont understand y hs in jail:( i miss him n fell like its my fault, luv amba xox

: I Am : thinking about 2 guys : I Will Always: love him : I Miss: her : I Hear : the tv : I Smell : my strawberry milkshake lol : I Worry : that we will never be the same! : I Regret: lettin things go to far : I Love : my friends n him : I Always : fall for him all ova agian : I Can: trust him : I Dream: about them..lol : I Danced : last night : I Sing : everyday : I Can't Stand : lossin friendships : I Lost : her : I Fear : that he dont mean wat he say : I Like : stuff... : I Listen : everything he says : I Can Usually Be Found :wiv friends : I Need : our friendship n him : I Hope : i can tell her im sorry : I Want : him to be ok : I Eat : food..lol wat the hell : I Am Always : thinking : I Wish : everything was ok : I Cry : when ever i need to : I Fell : wtf? : I Don't Think : he really loves me : I Will Always Remember: the fun we had : I Learn : at skool..lol : I Don't Know how: to tell him : I Hurt : when he tells me he loves me : I Care : about him : I Should : tell him the truth

i have been cryin like all night,i dont no wats wrong wiv me,i talked to dean and he wants to no my answer i said i want to tell him face to face..and i was meant to do that tonight but yer i didnt:( i dont no wat my answer is yet thou..i was talkin to dean tonight n he asked me to call shane cause they couldnt find him and he was drunk so yer i called him n he goes huz this n i go amber he goe hus that? oh yer i no where are ya? i said at home then fuk head david goes dont talk to that bitch...and the fone went dead...i hate him so much,all i want is my money bak from him n then i dont want anything to do wiv him..i never even do anything to him i was the one that he used to talk to about he gf probs.. anywayz shane just txt me off sumones fone and said to call him but i dont want to cause im to upset to talk to anyone:( i have tears runin down my face i feel like guys use, they treat me like im sum kind of toy they can play wiv when it suits them:( i just want someone to understand me and love me for hu i am and wats inside not wats on the outside... i fell like cutin my wrist or sumthing just to make the pain go sum where else but my heart... there are so many things i wish i could take back right now,lossing a really gud friendship, ever knowin that he liked me,fallin in love wiv him,waking up 2day,goin to sleep 2night, i dont really want to be here right now, well im out love amba xox dont take thing for granted!!