Well, first and foremost, i have two diaries: i just realized that i wanted to continue my life's story. this is my document, and my love... my passion. It is saddening that i cannot update my age (i'm 20 now), but i don't care. seems like all these entries were made yesterday, but they are in reality, years ago. i'm glad that i have these memories to still believe in and guide my life. if ever i do discontinue this diary, feel free to add the other one that i never seem to abandon: Cry on sitDiary.net. i will try to remain as loyal to journalizing as possible, and i look forward to subscribing to everyone else's diaries... with love, Sunshine

And we've got a whole lot of excuses And a whole lot of reasoning.. I'm so used to it all.. I've just stopped listening. Useless as it is, I tune in from time to time People always got something in your ear ..that's when I realize, it's time to say goodbye Why do I need the same ole [in and out] routine? Why do I need someone who doesn't want me for me? Why would I want..my heart to be dropped and stepped on? Faith is the test of time, and commitment I'm now willing to make. And it's weird because trust was the hardest thing Lost so easily, gained hardly And I feel like you compromised me for it But, what can I say? Decisions others have to make But in it, you made me wonder What it is.. and then tried to restore order But once you've lost How do you expect me to keep going? Compromise me or compromise you? Who am I more willing to choose? Most importantly, who am I more willing to lose? Maybe not me, and sorta-kinda-definitely not you? And I thought..I thought I had grew. But..what is it I'm fighting for? And what am I gaining my trusting you more? See she's all in your favor.. But my emotions..are emotionally torn Your hearts on your sleeve, My shirt was torn Love is like a child My baby is un-born. Now tell me..who am I willing to risk more? Who..in reality, do I trust more? In my mind..I'm gone..mentally floored So, who, in the end, do I fight for?

It took me forever to find the *NEW ENTRY* button. I think I'll be back at Sit for a while. However, I do have Xanga and MySpace just in case you guys need me and I decide to disappear like I did. http://www.xanga.com/changed_clothes http://www.myspace.com/truthful_image Was crazy, wasn't it? But I know I love Sit way too much, and as you know, Home Is Where The Heart Is, so you can see how I always flock back, right? New poem will be posted on: http://www.sitdiary.net/cry Oh yes, the Lady is backkkkk!!!

Stuff is crazy. College and school has me seriously stressed. What's worse? Just now my teacher called me up for Raymond bumping into MY computer! Stuff is crazy, but I'm not trippin. It was sort of funny, really. Anyways, I need to do my homework for the same teacher tomorrow. Seeing as to how I have her both A and B Days. Okay, well, time to go seeing as to how both my teacher is looking at me and Maurice is bothering me to do his work. Oh well. Laters.

I think today is going to be a good day. I LOVE this song, even though I haven't heard it in forever. Now I'm listening to Avant- Read Your Mind. Well, I decided, I have no use for Alex until my birthday..if he remembers, at least that shows me he cares. Anyways, my cousin asked me an interesting question: What does he do to show he loves you??? I couldn't even answer that. So..I don't know. I think this other guy is great, but he's hung up on his friend. So, I don't know what's going on. -Lesha PS Take Away- Ginuwine, Missy Elliot, and Tweet. (The reason the songs keep switching is because I keep catching the end as I switch channels)

For the first time, my mind is racing. Antoine is always a great conversationist. Somehow, talking to him is sort of easy, sometimes. Then, there are those days when his world just sucks, and I'm sort of scared to even talk to him. Yesterday, we did Word Association. It was really weird because then we talked about some of our associations..and we were like..hmm.. He said he tried it with a couple of other people, and no one came up with the stuff we came up with. We didn't always come up with the same stuff, though. He finally got my number (even though we always see each other in school and have talked a little before.) Anyways, I'd write this in my Xanga but this is my Sit and I still love it. Anyways, I think I really like Antoine. Somehow, my bond with Alex, I feel is broken. I'm really sorry to think that. -Lesha P.S. He had this seriously interesting perspective on prayer. I don't know, maybe I'll write it when I get more time. He's finally answered my PM. (Yes, that's what Yahoo! users call an IM. Who'd have thought? Switched Sit for Xanga and AIM for Yahoo!. Weird.)

I really shouldn't be online right now. Haha, I'm in class and that's wrong, but..I don't really feel like studying, so if I fail, it's my fault. *God forbid* Anyways, it's time for testing. Thought I'd update, I'll do it when I get home. -Lesha-

Well..My lovely Smile told me he "Luv"s me. Aww!! How cute. That loser! Anyways, school for me starts tomorrow. Can I get a "Good luck"? Luv you! -Lesha

Well, I really intend on spending some more time on Sit. Why in hell I ever abandoned it is beyond me. I think I'm only keeping two regular diaries and two stories. Considering how I have 7 in all, that shouldn't be hard. It will be: Insidethoughts Taintedsimple Dramatized Cry..and that's it. From time to time, I'll pop in for Husheddreamer, Slambook, and Amayaaloaryn but the pressure of keeping up with my Xanga AND my Myspace has gotten out of control. I can't bare it anymore. Anyways, I love everyone that's left comments and missed me. I'll look forward to reading them more!! *Cuz baby I'm BACK!!!* I x3 you DJ!! -Lesha

Girl: hey baby i want to show you.... Boy: ( cutting her off ) ugh i'm so mad Girl: why? whats wrong ? Boy: ugh everything Girl: explain baby Boy: just lost a championship game, parents flipped out on me for no reason, and im catching a cold Girl: well hey there will always be other games, you know ill take care of you when your sick, what your parents flip about ? Boy: they are making me pay them for a car repair Girl: is it alot of money Boy: no it just sucks Boy: but hey i dont feel well im going to go lay down Boy: bye Girl: wait i want to give you some... Boy: cant it wait til tommorow ? Girl: yeah sure Girl: bye Boy: bye 2 hours later a friend of hers asks her to go for a drive ...she goes.....her friend swerved to avoid a truck....hitting a tree instead her friend was killed instantly....shes in critical condition This is the conversation between her sister and her boyfriend Sister: omg ( crying ) Boy: what? whats wrong ? Sister: my sister...your gf was involved in a major car wreck Boy: is she ok ? ????? Sister: shes in critical condition Boy: i'll be there in 10 minutes He shows up to the hospital room ...standing outside the door going over the last conversation in his mind over and over as he heard the machines beep and beep and breathing tubes pump Boy: she wanted to give me something or tell me something Girls mom: yeah this... it was an envelope smelling like she did sealed with a kiss in lipstick he opened it.....it said ..... your everything to me....i love you with everything i am and everything i have...i want to spend the rest of my life with you sealed in it was a ripped movie ticket from the first movie they went to and the first picture they took together he kissed the picture as a tear fell from his face onto the picture it looked as if in the picture she was crying then the machines flatlined....3 minutes later she was pronounced dead If you have any heart...any soul...or want to be happy you will repost this. if you care for someone ...do not let something like this ever happen Post this in the next 200 seconds and you WILL have THE best day of your life THIS MONDAY. You're number one *love* Will either kiss you, ask you out, or call you or better. If you break this chain you will have a lousy day on Saturday, and you know you canstory thingy.

Your Birthdate: December 14 With a birthday on the 14th of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas, and you are also very good at organization and systematizing. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine, and rebel against it. You have a tendency to shirk responsibility. What Does Your Birth Date Mean? Your Power Color Is Gold At Your Highest: You are engrossed in passions that mentally stimulate you. At Your Lowest: You seek thrills and neglect what's important in your life. In Love: You see dating as adventure and approach it with an open attitude. How You're Attractive: You passion for life makes others passionate about you. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Having Fun?"What's Your Power Color? How You Life Your Life You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.How Do You Live Your Life?

I could get tangled up in you Don't let my feet hit the floor..I'm just fine being so high. Don't let me come crashing anymore. I'm fine the way I am, just take me as you see.. What other person you know, can make me feel what shouldn't be?? -And I promise, I have no intent on letting go... *Please God, let James be a keeper.*

Well I feel under the weather a smidge. =. Oh well. Alex called today. Not like my Twin will read this, who knows ALL about me and would understand that. She never reads stuff anymore. She's always caught up with Joe. I should know, I always stop by to see what she's talking about and what pops up? Joe. All I see is his name. I'm not mad, nor am I bitter. I just figured she'd still have time for me. I thought wrong. Anyways he called and I ignored it. =). I'm proud of myself. I'm sure Becca would be, too. =. Anyways, I miss James. It's been about 3 hours since I heard from him. Long time? Nah. I think I'm becoming infatuated. Which is why I can't be mad at Becca for being infatuated with Joe. Moving on, James says he has a secret to tell me. Is that good or bad? He says we'll talk about it later. He hasn't said anything so I text messaged him and what'd I get back? Nothing. I'm worried. Anyways...I might be overreacting. Still, I'd like to get this over with ASAP.

So, James and I are *okay* I'd suppose. I'm a little upset because I promised last night that I'd leave him a *BUNCH* of messages today while he went to work and I did. I left 12 and he IGNORED them ALL completely because some guy is talking about him. God, can't that wait? I'll be gone for 7 FREAKIN DAYS. Oh well. Whatever. -So, this is my last entry before Florida. (If they let us go since Hurricane Dennis is trying to do it's damage). Anyways, I won't be updating so that's why. 7 days. I'll be back, and when I do, I'll leave you LOVE like you left ME some. --Read the entry before this if you want to get pissed off or want to know my all honesty. =).

Well, okay. This has something to do with MY decent. I understand how people can take offense to this, so I apologize ahead of time. It won't stop me from typing it up or loving this poem. So, deal with it. African American Child Turn 18 years old and we're legal Now this is the age of Caucasion's freedom But we turn this as legal While we wait to be put in jail cells like we're lethal Ever notice there are more whites than blacks Serving on our justice staff? And yet we get pissed cuz the law just laughed As Johnny Cochran passed and our law books turned from gray to black The life of a child with knowledge Similar to a "child prodigy" Tell me what you think I want to be So I can tell you what I will be They say a test in 3rd grade determined my future Why is it now that I can make html's and web designs on a white man's computer? What stops ANY kid from coming up like me? And changing themselves to better themselves just like me? How is it you tell me I act a little older than I three I'm ignorant because of skin tone you see I'd like you to give me any girl that can match me verbally I can go tit for tat but with words constantly So slow it down as I emphasize me for me I am the product of a black woman with a Master's Degree And a black man that served his country definetly But mostly I am the African American's most prized belief: That an African American female can excel Without help from a caucasion male And without pregnancy or a wedding veil But strictly to prevail That an African American woman Can do fine without someone's lending hand Or giving them a leg because we already learned to stand And claiming this "white America" as diverse land... Yes, I admit some of the things might be wild Yet, Bush showed me anyone can say anything aloud Even so, I feel I put things rather mild After all, I am merely nothing more than an, -"African American Child"

I could start off with all the negative, but I'd rather go to the positive. I'll have everyday to remember ever negative thing that ever happened in my life. Well, we went to Applebees and they said I could fill out an application at 16..so 5 months and that's where I'll be. =). It's good because I actually want to work. Moving on, I have no clue how *he* feels about me. I'm not quite sure it matters anymore. He's white, I'm black (not skin-wise for those that only think IN black and white) he's the Olsen Twins, I'm Madonna, He's honey, I'm hot sauce, get me? We're totally different. I think he's more self-inflicted than worried about what I'm doing. I'm not hurt. I'm just accepting. I'm glad I did it before hand. *By the way, two days before Florida. I don't think I'll be back....

This is a song. It kind of goes with that song: It's so hard to say goodbye. The thing is..it'd be kind of hard to explain to everyone how it'd be but yeah..that's all I can put right now, cuz I'm tired of typing as is. -And yes, it's always just so damn hard to say goodbye. I'll try. Days of hot August brought me much of a lust For a boy I thought I knew, But he was an image just like a ghost off Scooby Doo Well a wind breaking October chilled our bones And finally Thanksgiving came, And he was the only thing I was thankful for He did the things nobody else could do I called him My Heart because only I knew No one could ever quite compare to you Until you flipped your shit, and I saw you for you. (And oh!!) It's so hard to have to say goodbye -Yeah, but I'll try I'll always go on loving you -Yeah, until the day I die And through it all, you stuck there for me Until you helped me open up my eyes to see And oh! it's so hard to have to say goodbye -Let me try Two months I left messages But you aint call me again I told the niggas you were cool with where I was around So two months later, you let me back in Right around the same time you let a bitch call my house Scratch that, a female, one of them sick broads And yet, you still never gave me the respect I deserved All you gave me were your nods Apparently, I wasn't good enough for your words And see, really I could go all out, and put it all out there But something in me, is pulling me back and telling me I still care One day we might be friends again But until then, If this is how we end, Let me go like a pencil you'll lend Maybe another two years from now I'll make a text message again I'll think about how you treated me, and what you did And I'll think twice before I EVER hit *Send*... (And oh!!) It's so hard to have to say goodbye -Yeah, but I'll try I'll always go on loving you -Yeah, until the day I die And through it all, you stuck there for me Until you helped me open up my eyes to see And oh! it's so hard to have to say goodbye -Let me try

I really miss Justin. I made an Xanga. It's called Truthful_Image. If you have one, subscribe, leave a comment..just let me know you're alive over there. LOL. Oh DJ, I feel like I'm going to desert some of my Sit Diaries. I just don't want to let go of them. ERGH I HATE MYSELF FOR FEELING LIKE A SELL OUT. *I still love everyone at Sit. And I won't EVER desert Cry or Taintedsimple.* I love you guys too much.

Well, apparently I've made all this time without you. So, I don't need you anymore. It's hard to let you go, but if I leave you alone, and stop associating myself around you. We'll both be fine. (And you never needed me anyway.)

BizzyGirl144: hey SunshineSweetest: hey babe SunshineSweetest: alex called again SunshineSweetest: =( im scared to call him back though BizzyGirl144: y lol SunshineSweetest: oh cuz im scared of his mom BizzyGirl144: i dont think shes there SunshineSweetest: why dont you? BizzyGirl144: cuz he told me she leaves him the phone while shes at work SunshineSweetest: but then how do you know that she's gone now? cuz he called yesterday SunshineSweetest: and anyway, its 10 30 there..he aint up BizzyGirl144: lol BizzyGirl144: dont be scared SunshineSweetest: no seriously, he's not up..n if he is i'd like drop dead from surprise SunshineSweetest: lol BizzyGirl144: lol BizzyGirl144: hes told me to call him and i havent BizzyGirl144: i feel bad cuz im horrible at callin ppl and some ppl dont understand that and get mad lol BizzyGirl144: brb nates scared BizzyGirl144: k back SunshineSweetest: why did he want you to call him? SunshineSweetest: one more time..i must've missed it the first time..sorry SunshineSweetest: mmk..well ill bbl..it'll be about 20 minutes SunshineSweetest: but yeah, i do want an answer for that..n durin these lil convos yall have, is my name mentioned? BizzyGirl144: wait sorry i wasnt payin attention BizzyGirl144: well imma go BizzyGirl144: catch ya laterz!